Complicated break up, advice needed - New

Hey all,

I suppose I'll start with some background info: me and my partner have been together 3 years, she’s now 21 and now 27, we met when I was at uni at 24 and she was 18, and we used to work together, we just clicked, and the last three years has been an absolute blast for both of us, we used to joke about all the cheesy stuff that everyone jokes about, soul mates, rest of our lives etc. etc.

The break up came as a result of my partner realizing she might be bisexual and have feelings towards other women, the offer was there for us to do this together and see if we could make it work, but also I understood if she needed to go and do this alone. Evidently, she chose to go it alone, feeling that she would feel too guilty to do it and explorer while we were together. At first, you'd think maybe it was all an excuse to end our relationship without being the bad guy. But she went on to tell her mum and sister and even step dad which she was dreading. So I have no reason to doubt her feelings, and leading up to the decision I'd never seen her so upset and confused about her feelings and the possibility of us breaking up, she had a very tough decision to make.

fast forward about a month, and we still tell each other we miss each other and that although she is moving on, she hasn't 'moved' on, we even had some post break up hook ups along the way which were probably ill advised. But if I'm honest although I understand and to a degree support her decision, I myself am finding this all very difficult to come to terms with. She still wants to be friends and says she doesn't want to not be able to talk to me when shes sad or have a laugh like we used to. But I find that extremely difficult to cope with because as far as I was concerned this person is the woman I thought I'd finally settle down with.

So right now I've told her I need a couple of weeks to think it all through, I just don't really know what I should be thinking, there’s no signs of us getting back together right now, and it's really foolish of me to think I can just wait around for her to sort her head out, especially when there's no guarantees.

What should I do?

Thanks in advance for the advice folks.

Reply 1

Mistletoe

Dunno mate sounds like you're just gonna have to get over her. Otherwise you'll become a tag-along little puppy dog of hers who she can call to order whenever she wants.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by Mistletoe

Dunno mate sounds like you're just gonna have to get over her. Otherwise you'll become a tag-along little puppy dog of hers who she can call to order whenever she wants.

I don't necessarily think that's the kind of person she is, at least not intentionally. But I mean maybe that is the best advice for me to take.

Reply 3

username2885068

Try to find someone else, if she gets to try and meet new people, why shouldn't you..? I really don't think continuing to talk to her (despite her wanting you to be her mate) is a great idea, because it still gives you the impression that something might still happen, and that's just not fair. Spend some actual time apart, more than two weeks. You'll be tempted to talk to her, but it'll just make it more difficult when she finds someone new and you don't get a chance to have proper closure

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by CarysJSLewis

Well I have a date on thursday with someone I met from a different uni, but to be honest at the moment I actually feel really guilty about it. Maybe your right and I just need to take a really decent amount of time to get used to being single again.

Reply 5

ax12

I would stop contacting her, and tell her that it's not working trying to be friends. My ex tried to be like this when we broke up, but it ended up making it worse for both of us and making it more difficult to move on. As it was clearly her decision to break up, you shouldn't in any way feel guilty about seeing other people (not that you should even if it was your decision, and it might even help you to move forward! Break ups are never easy, especially when you've been together for as long as you have.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by ax12

I think your probably right, I don't necessarily have a problem being friends with my exs, as I'm friends with near enough all of them, but I think it's just while I'm still trying to move past the break up it's not a good idea. Not sure how to tell her that though.

Reply 7

ax12

Original post by Anonymous

Just say that you need some time without talking to her to adjust as you're finding it difficult, there's no way to sugar coat it and you don't want to create any confusion about where you both stand.