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Why are people rude to quiet people?
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Original post by Moura
Sorry but yes it is rude. If you have no social anxiety/shyness and the only reason you're not making conversation is because you never want to talk to anyone then you are rude. Why do you not want to talk to anyone?
If you have shyness/social anxiety then it isn't that you don't want to talk to people, but you've conditioned yourself to make yourself think you don't want to talk to other people to make yourself feel better about not being able to talk to them. This isn't healthy and will disadvantage you in life, especially in the work place. Simple. It isn't a good thing to have into adulthood and you should try and get professional help.
There's a difference between being an introvert and a shy person.
I would never ever be rude to a shy or quiet person but you have to understand it's very draining talking to them... so often people just don't bother. That's not going to help you at work.
edit - and i don't mean this in a rude way, it isn't something you should feel bad or insecure about... but it is something you can get help for from a therapist! that's all i'm saying
If you have shyness/social anxiety then it isn't that you don't want to talk to people, but you've conditioned yourself to make yourself think you don't want to talk to other people to make yourself feel better about not being able to talk to them. This isn't healthy and will disadvantage you in life, especially in the work place. Simple. It isn't a good thing to have into adulthood and you should try and get professional help.
There's a difference between being an introvert and a shy person.
I would never ever be rude to a shy or quiet person but you have to understand it's very draining talking to them... so often people just don't bother. That's not going to help you at work.
edit - and i don't mean this in a rude way, it isn't something you should feel bad or insecure about... but it is something you can get help for from a therapist! that's all i'm saying
I'm sorry but what? Wasn't gonna post and I don't want to seem like I'm arguing but if someone doesn't want to have a conversation with you, that's totally their right. "Why do you not want to talk to anyone?" Sorry but - why do you care? How is this your problem?
If someone doesn't initiate talking to you, it's not rude. That's because it's totally not about you. You say there's a difference between shyness and introversion but it seems you don't even know what introversion means - it's that you basically don't have the desire to talk to someone if you feel there is nothing worthy to say. And there is nothing wrong with being introverted, nor are introverts in need of any professional help.
Original post by Sabby888
I'm sorry but what? Wasn't gonna post and I don't want to seem like I'm arguing but if someone doesn't want to have a conversation with you, that's totally their right. "Why do you not want to talk to anyone?" Sorry but - why do you care? How is this your problem?
If someone doesn't initiate talking to you, it's not rude. That's because it's totally not about you. You say there's a difference between shyness and introversion but it seems you don't even know what introversion means - it's that you basically don't have the desire to talk to someone if you feel there is nothing worthy to say. And there is nothing wrong with being introverted, nor are introverts in need of any professional help.
If someone doesn't initiate talking to you, it's not rude. That's because it's totally not about you. You say there's a difference between shyness and introversion but it seems you don't even know what introversion means - it's that you basically don't have the desire to talk to someone if you feel there is nothing worthy to say. And there is nothing wrong with being introverted, nor are introverts in need of any professional help.
Preach! As in introvert, I utterly despise small talk and try not to engage in it unless I have to, whether it be to ease tension or whatever. I prefer my conversations to be meaningful and important. It's not because I'm rude... if I don't have anything to say, well... I'm sorry but I don't have anything to say. It's as simple as that.
Back on topic: I see this all of the time, it is incredibly frustrating - but also highlights deep insecurities within the people that do it, often I take pity on those that are so insecure they have to take it out on the others around them. If someone says to me: "Oh, you actually speak!!11!!11" etc., I just laugh and ignore the afterwards. It's tiresome, but when people say things like that they're usually just joking. It's when the cruel jokes occur that it turns into rude behaviour imo.
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by emerald7770
I've seen this pattern that goes on within the schools and even workplace. The quiet/shy people are treated like crap. Treated like they're darthvader. Even, the teachers sometimes like to join in with it and make a students shyness into a huge issue. I get that participating in discussions is important but if you just ask the shy/quiet person what they think, they will answer. But, they won't put their hand up to answer. Anyway, why don't people give shy people a chance? It takes some people quite a while to show even just a little bit of comfort. Whether it takes years or not. And the most annoying thing is when people say "oh so you talk" "I've never heard you speak", that's mostly likely going to make me not speak again. People think we're grumpy or rude but we're really not. I've seen that teachers are more rude to the quiet bullied kids. Idek. btw, SOME people. Not all.
I can relate. People always misunderstood my shyness, they thought I was being a snob or that I thought I was better than everyone.
Original post by Moura
Sorry but yes it is rude. If you have no social anxiety/shyness and the only reason you're not making conversation is because you never want to talk to anyone then you are rude. Why do you not want to talk to anyone?
If you have shyness/social anxiety then it isn't that you don't want to talk to people, but you've conditioned yourself to make yourself think you don't want to talk to other people to make yourself feel better about not being able to talk to them. This isn't healthy and will disadvantage you in life, especially in the work place. Simple. It isn't a good thing to have into adulthood and you should try and get professional help.
There's a difference between being an introvert and a shy person.
I would never ever be rude to a shy or quiet person but you have to understand it's very draining talking to them... so often people just don't bother. That's not going to help you at work.
edit - and i don't mean this in a rude way, it isn't something you should feel bad or insecure about... but it is something you can get help for from a therapist! that's all i'm saying
If you have shyness/social anxiety then it isn't that you don't want to talk to people, but you've conditioned yourself to make yourself think you don't want to talk to other people to make yourself feel better about not being able to talk to them. This isn't healthy and will disadvantage you in life, especially in the work place. Simple. It isn't a good thing to have into adulthood and you should try and get professional help.
There's a difference between being an introvert and a shy person.
I would never ever be rude to a shy or quiet person but you have to understand it's very draining talking to them... so often people just don't bother. That's not going to help you at work.
edit - and i don't mean this in a rude way, it isn't something you should feel bad or insecure about... but it is something you can get help for from a therapist! that's all i'm saying
No, it's not rude. wtf.
and introversion isn't a mental disorder which requires therapy.
+ it's also "very draining" for us introverts to have to put on an act everyday to satisfy you extroverted people's needs/comfort- i.e. not making conversations with you awkward, talking a bit more to balance the convo, etc.
Original post by Nadine_08
No, it's not rude. wtf.
and introversion isn't a mental disorder which requires therapy.
+ it's also "very draining" for us introverts to have to put on an act everyday to satisfy you extroverted people's needs/comfort- i.e. not making conversations with you awkward, talking a bit more to balance the convo, etc.
and introversion isn't a mental disorder which requires therapy.
+ it's also "very draining" for us introverts to have to put on an act everyday to satisfy you extroverted people's needs/comfort- i.e. not making conversations with you awkward, talking a bit more to balance the convo, etc.
which is why there is a difference between being introverted and shy. there is a solvable problem with being shy, there isn't a problem with being introverted. if you think there isn't a difference then you don't know what it means
Original post by emerald7770
I've seen this pattern that goes on within the schools and even workplace. The quiet/shy people are treated like crap. Treated like they're darthvader. Even, the teachers sometimes like to join in with it and make a students shyness into a huge issue. I get that participating in discussions is important but if you just ask the shy/quiet person what they think, they will answer. But, they won't put their hand up to answer. Anyway, why don't people give shy people a chance? It takes some people quite a while to show even just a little bit of comfort. Whether it takes years or not. And the most annoying thing is when people say "oh so you talk" "I've never heard you speak", that's mostly likely going to make me not speak again. People think we're grumpy or rude but we're really not. I've seen that teachers are more rude to the quiet bullied kids. Idek. btw, SOME people. Not all.
You might enjoy this book.
Original post by Moura
which is why there is a difference between being introverted and shy. there is a solvable problem with being shy, there isn't a problem with being introverted. if you think there isn't a difference then you don't know what it means
You're right, however the description you gave in your post was introversion, not shyness. You better check your definitions.
Original post by macromicro
You might enjoy this book.
Love this book!!! Her TED talk is equally inspiring:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0KYU2j0TM4
Let me tell you a story, when I was younger in primary school and early secondary school, I was extremely quiet, I was voted the most quiet girl in the class, I was liked by all the teachers as I never disturbed them when they were teaching, in fact I was just observing, when I got home my family was extremely strict with my studies, We didn't own a tv in our house can you believe it, I wasn't allowed to go for slumber parties or sleep over at a friends house, I was allowed to go swimming etc but had to be home by a certain time, I was petrified most of the time of my elders. I would get only distinctions (A's and B's) in my report cards everyone else in class seemed to be doing badly and then they would be rude, so it was a direct result of my doing better then them academically, I remember once a gang of girls decided to attack me, I never told anyone. But its natures way remember I was liked by all the teachers, I was made class monitor. So yes the teachers were making it worse by making me a prefect because my life was intolerable.
But things changed for me later on, due to meeting up with a friend she was new to our school and we would even skip classes, got ourselves boyfriends basically in the end I was only good towards science, accounting and maths subjects the rest I had to sacrifice due to balancing my other life with my school life. I became more like the other girls and was liked, in fact the reason I was picked on is because I was different not like them, when I became like them I was accepted.
But things changed for me later on, due to meeting up with a friend she was new to our school and we would even skip classes, got ourselves boyfriends basically in the end I was only good towards science, accounting and maths subjects the rest I had to sacrifice due to balancing my other life with my school life. I became more like the other girls and was liked, in fact the reason I was picked on is because I was different not like them, when I became like them I was accepted.
Pipe up, or get out my classroom. With the greatest of respect to the less vocally inclined, I'm sick of quiet people freeloading on my vocal contributions. I get you may be shy, but come on, no one is going to bite, the whole point of learning is to learn and one way to do is through mistakes. Speak up, you won't hurt yourself.
(edited 7 years ago)
love seeing my old threads get resurrected
Nothing will be solved until people realize introverts and extroverts are BOTH here and people are both respectful and understanding of both sides of the spectrum. There are times for talking. And there is a place for silence, despite how much people might fear it.
Introverts aren’t inherently flawed for being quiet or introverted, they just have a different approach that can be a great contribution to society...quietly noticing things other may not see. Try being understanding and respectful, and perhaps you’ll find quiet people open up quite naturally and miraculously, if you let them as opposed to pushing them. If patience in that area is too much, simply move on to someone who would like to have a conversation with you.
Introverts aren’t inherently flawed for being quiet or introverted, they just have a different approach that can be a great contribution to society...quietly noticing things other may not see. Try being understanding and respectful, and perhaps you’ll find quiet people open up quite naturally and miraculously, if you let them as opposed to pushing them. If patience in that area is too much, simply move on to someone who would like to have a conversation with you.
Oh my I had this so much when I started high school. My best friend is so loud and an extrovert so no one really understood why we were friends which was always the “why are you friends with her she’s so quiet/loud” and when I did speak it would be “oh you have a voice” etc just like you said in your post.
I mean even now, 4 years later where I’ve kind of come out of my shell I still get, “ I’ve never heard you talk so much” or “oh hi Charlotte sorry i forgot you were hear aha” even though they made eye contact 5 minutes ago. Love ittttt.
I mean even now, 4 years later where I’ve kind of come out of my shell I still get, “ I’ve never heard you talk so much” or “oh hi Charlotte sorry i forgot you were hear aha” even though they made eye contact 5 minutes ago. Love ittttt.
Same here, I was the quiet kid in school but I'm proud to be different I used to get bullied all the time called Sherlock as I never spoke to other kids never awnsers questions but it was because I'm a thinker rather than a talker and only like to awnser if I know the awnser that's why I got called Sherlock as I was misunderstood everyone in my class thought be quiet meant I was cold or arragant which I was not I just have never and never will been interested in hanging out or partying I like my own company but yet that makes me weird or sad but I'm generally happy I love being on my own reading a book, playing computer games I prefer spending time with my dog or my mom, sister than people.
I disagree that there seems to be a misconception that quiet ones are weak or makes you seem weak as you would be a fool to assume so like one bully found out , in my spare time I like to kick box , martial arts, rock climbing, combat fighting and I love archery. Beacuse of this my sister calls me Lara croft , one of the Billy's did not now with whom he was messing with, he starting calling me names ectt about be silent I ignored him but then he started throwing things at me so I kept my cool and moved he counties to bug me so I went outside (I was in the library) I like to read in trees (I know that sounds weird but it's cool as people don't know you up there) they then found me which s. Shocked me so I thought he can't hurt me up here but he grabbed my leg and pulled me down as soon as he did let's just say he soon regretted it as my skills came into practice. Just beacuse were quite doesn't mean we can't handle ourselves 😎
I disagree that there seems to be a misconception that quiet ones are weak or makes you seem weak as you would be a fool to assume so like one bully found out , in my spare time I like to kick box , martial arts, rock climbing, combat fighting and I love archery. Beacuse of this my sister calls me Lara croft , one of the Billy's did not now with whom he was messing with, he starting calling me names ectt about be silent I ignored him but then he started throwing things at me so I kept my cool and moved he counties to bug me so I went outside (I was in the library) I like to read in trees (I know that sounds weird but it's cool as people don't know you up there) they then found me which s. Shocked me so I thought he can't hurt me up here but he grabbed my leg and pulled me down as soon as he did let's just say he soon regretted it as my skills came into practice. Just beacuse were quite doesn't mean we can't handle ourselves 😎
I'm still being made fun of at university. Not that it's hardcore bullying or something but other students have decided to be passive-aggressive towards me despite me not doing anything wrong. I don't understand where their aggressiveness even comes from; since they don't even know me, they're not in a position to judge me.
There is also gossip among some students about me too. This stupid insecure girl really tries to exclude me from others. Every time when there is the tiniest interaction between me and others, she makes rude comments and tries to discourage others from talking to me.
Their actions say a lot about themselves really, given that confident people engage others, and it's usually those immature and insecure ones who treat quiet people like s***. Then they wonder why quiet people don't socialise much. Maybe if they gave us a chance, then we will. Some people just never grow up!
It also makes you wonder how much life experience they have. They don't even seem to realize that there are different personalities and people are allowed to be different. If they think that everyone should just be the same then they really need to go out more.
There is also gossip among some students about me too. This stupid insecure girl really tries to exclude me from others. Every time when there is the tiniest interaction between me and others, she makes rude comments and tries to discourage others from talking to me.
Their actions say a lot about themselves really, given that confident people engage others, and it's usually those immature and insecure ones who treat quiet people like s***. Then they wonder why quiet people don't socialise much. Maybe if they gave us a chance, then we will. Some people just never grow up!
It also makes you wonder how much life experience they have. They don't even seem to realize that there are different personalities and people are allowed to be different. If they think that everyone should just be the same then they really need to go out more.
(edited 5 years ago)
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