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No Friends & Confidence Deteriorating At University

Hi everyone,

(sorry for the length of the post)

I'm a 3rd year student on a 4 year vocational course studying at University X (bottom in the ranks) and I have come to realise just how university is eating my confidence away. I was a fairly confident and talkative person before university now I have come to a point where I don't want to be around people anymore.I spend so much time alone, sometimes I go days without saying a word to anybody. I live with 2 very nice friendly girls (strangers) in a private flat we rarely see each other. Today I couldn't even string a sentence together because I have gone the last 4 days without saying a word. I have grown to like my own space a bit too much and it is concerning me. I haven't found anyone I click with in the 3 years I have been here and it is starting to take its toll ,the only person who I considered a real friend left last year. It seems everybody already has their own friends at this point and are not looking for an extra one.

I had a diverse group of friends growing up, both in private and state school and I still do at home to this day. I never saw colour in people or regarded myself as 'the black kid'. I knew I was black obviously lol but I never let my colour define who I was or determine who I befriended and got along with. When I started university I was part of a group of girls, by 2nd year the group had fallen apart and everyone had gone off with people like them and I was alone. I guess the mistake I made was not making other friends, but to be fair within 3 days of starting the course everyone was already in a group. Coming from a small sixth form where everyone knew everyone this was overwhelming. Of course by the time the group had fallen apart, the group of black girls on my course (one was in my original group she left in 1st year) had made their judgements about me. They probably thought I didn't want to be friends with them, hey I'll never know. I was laughed at, called names, they'd stop talking when I walked past just immature things like that. This was the first time experiencing something like this and I remember calling my mum crying because I felt like a target. I felt so singled out when the group fell and it was overwhelming for me, sounds odd but that's when I started being very aware that I was black. From then I kept myself to myself. I joined a couple of societies like ACS and a reading society but they're not as active, there is like 1 event a semester. I have been to a couple of ACS events and even there everybody is in groups and they all know each other. I couldn't go to the ball because I had no one to go with.

Sometimes I think maybe it is just my university that is like this. The whole experience has been absolutely terrible. I have become such a recluse and the confidence I once had is gone.Recently I have been considering counselling or psychotherapy.

Would love to hear people's advice & thoughts.
(serious replies only)
Thanks

Reply 1

2384911

Original post by Anonymous

bottom in the ranks

London Metropolitan?

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by AshEntropy

London Metropolitan?

Lol, not that low!. Somewhere in the North. Didn't want to disclose for obvious reasons :tongue:

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

This was a similar situation to me. I went to uni and made one true friend, whereas everyone else in my classes made a large group of friends. I only got to see that one friend once every week, as they were on a different course. But then they left uni in 3rd year.
I believe that I only made one true friend at uni because I was very shy, I did not wear make-up or very fashionable clothes - I used to wear basic black jumpers, jeans, t-shirt most of the time and I did not join any societies. I guess I was just comfortable as I could always go home as I live 15 mins away from my uni, so I didn't need to stay at uni.

But now I am doing a second degree at a different uni and I have learnt from my past experience. I've started wearing a bit of makeup to get the natural look and started wearing more fashionable clothes. I am going to talk more with other students, try to meet up and go out with them to events and I'm thinking of joining a few societies - ACS, Healthcare Society and probably join the Fitness club / sports clubs.

My advice would be to think about why they do not want to include you, maybe try and see if there are any people in your classes that have similar interests as you and maybe suggest joining a society together or going to the library for a study group.