Dear you,
I wish I could turn back time and make it as though I don't make you walk on eggshells when you talk to me. I don't think you realise that I don't actually have bad intentions towards you, I do want to make you happy and I do think about you every day. I feel mixed emotions about the other day. I let my guard down and cried but now it's just going to reinforce your intentions to not be honest with me for fear of upsetting me. But where does that leave me? Now I'll have to be careful about how I react to you, I'll have to conceal how I feel even more otherwise it effects you too much. You couldn't face work today, you barely got any sleep because you had "things on your mind". What's the point in this if we can't communicate? I feel like you don't have the mental robustness to deal with what I go through. I feel as though you're so used to looking on the bright side of life that you've never been faced with suffering- you don't realise that it's hard for some to be positive about life. I think it's fair for me to be agitated when I hear, as someone with an anxiety disorder, say to me "don't worry". You don't understand how infuriating that is. But we're both sensitive, we're too similar. It was horrible, lying there with your back to me, rejecting me, avoiding eye contact with me and refusing to talk to me. You people are all the same, you can't face things when they get tough, you just avoid the truth. I remember there was a day when my depression was really bad, I had all sorts of horrible symptoms and when I told you I wasn't feeling great you just responded with "well it couldn't have been that bad". What?? How does this ignorance exist? I don't understand why I have to live in a world and be so misunderstood.
I don't know why I sit and look at my phone waiting to hear from somebody who isn't prepared to understand me. I don't know how interpret anything. I feel as though the worst will come and you'll just be another one of those people who promise me something but then end up leaving me behind. You don't understand what it feels like to be alone. You have friends, a mother to go home to every day. Back at home I live with a house full of people that don't get me, that I can't open up to. It's a trap. I come home to the flat with no-one to talk to. If I was to be honest with you I just get "you're looking for the negatives". NO IM NOT, IM JUST DESPARATE FOR THINGS TO GO WELL IN MY LIFE. Why don't you see? Why do you have to judge me?
I honestly feel resentful. I feel guilty for making you feel this way, but I equally feel as though it's unfair that I am being made to feel this way. I have insecurities, I'm vulnerable with this whole thing, but I feel like I've already lost you and you've just curled in to your shell. I don't really know what I'm supposed to do now, I feel lost.
I'm just disappointed. I'm sorry that I'm not the right person for you.