Please help, Muslims will probably only understand

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I'm sorry to hear that you were abused by your parents so much that you had to cut contact (for safety I guess?).

With the regards to the boyfriend, I think you are making the correct decision by breaking up. If you aren't comfortable with it now, then imagine if you get even more closer to Islam in future, then the problem will be even bigger for you. It's best to let go quicker so it's less painful.

I really doubt you will be alone for the rest of your life. You state you're moving to London, well London contains over 40% of the UK's Muslims. I'm sure there will be no shortage of Muslim men to marry. There are girl's who don't wear hijab and yes they do get married. Also, I'm sure there will be many compassionate Muslim parents out there who will understand your abusive family circumstances.

Also, this may seem a bit too much for you as you only recently started connecting with Islam. But I advise that you look for a spouse in the proper Islamic way. So like no dating because it will be haram. You can still get to know the guy in the presence of your wali (could get a Imam to be your wali since you have trouble with your father).

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 21

username1339858_

Original post by Anonymous

the reason I can't marry him is because, in islam, if a muslim girl marries a non muslim guy, the marriage is not valid. I'd literally be sleeping in sin. Yes, I've been with him up until now, but I don't know if I can mentally handle that for the rest of my life. Especially as I'm now finding myself becoming more religious as time has gone on. Don't want to marry him and have kids to just suddenly have a mental breakdown and change my mind about it all one day.

This is why I stated that Msulims would understand a bit better.

Sister, sorry about your hard situation. Just so you know that you are doing the right thing Islamically. So yes, if he is unwilling to convert, then it puts you in a tough situation.
As you stated, if you were to marry it wouldn't count.
Hence then your only option is to have trust in Allah. You are giving up something for Allah's sake, so Allah himself with reward you. Yu think that noone would consider you marriage material, however don't you think that Allah will not let you down when you are doing the right thing?
Don't generalise. I know of someone without family ties who recently married.
InshaAllah, everything will turn out well. May Allah make it easier for you to do whatever is best for you and may he grant you the strength needed to do that.
Keep strong.

The more religious you get, you can hope for a more religious man. And religious people go beyond the apparent. They don't look to see if you've family ties, they look at your piety. Looks, wealth, family status may be seen as extras. The main criteria for them is piety.

Reply 22

Anonymous #3

shut up you're not wanted here. Leave her alone.

Reply 23

Angry Bird

Original post by Anonymous

because, to me, it's a sin... really wishing non muslims didn't respond on this thread sigh

the best thing u can do is post this on ummah.com

Reply 24

Anonymous #1

Thank you, I appreciate your response. But, I don't think I'm ever going to be that religious. Due to validity of the marriage, I would need a future partner to be Muslim. And some parts of religion are important for me in a partner, such as not drinking, as I don't drink and I feel like, socially, I need someone to match my principles in that way.

But, apart from those essential things, what would be important for me in a partner is our connection personality wise, and if he's a good human being generally. I wouldn't search for someone based on piety and I'd hope someone would choose me based on my connection with them personality-wise too. This is why I feel like finding a Muslim life partner will be difficult for me.

Reply 25

Angry Bird

OP does not need to waste time justifying anything. If you want to learn about islam read a book or use google

Reply 26

username1402543

Original post by Anonymous

Sis I would advise to get in touch with an Imam or someone that may know someone that is also searching for marriage in the community? This is one way to go about the situation?

Reply 27

Elchapojr

Marry a Muslim who is more liberal

Reply 28

Anonymous #1

Original post by Elchapojr

Marry a Muslim who is more liberal

being liberal isn't the case, its really about having a strong connection. Plus, the issue is the likelihood of finding someone like that. Thanks for the response anyway.

Reply 29

Anonymous #1

Original post by MiszShortee786

Sis I would advise to get in touch with an Imam or someone that may know someone that is also searching for marriage in the community? This is one way to go about the situation?

Thanks. I don't want someone who is looking for marriage, though. I want to date someone before taking that step with them.

Reply 30

username1339858_

Original post by Anonymous

Agreed with @MiszShortee786

Reply 31

mariachi

Original post by Anonymous

I think I've explained why religion is stopping me from having a future with him. Our potential marriage, in my belief, would not be valid, which would most likely lead me to be stressed for the rest of my life about the fact that we're not actually married (again, in my belief).

And I did not write the quran, I have no clue why that's a rule. But it is and that's what's causing the issue.

did you have a look, e.g. at this ?

http://www.asma-lamrabet.com/article...aith-marriage/

http://www.scholarofthehouse.org/oninma.html

Best

Reply 32

HAnwar

I accidently repped you whilst scrolling. My bad.

Reply 33

username1402543

Original post by Anonymous

OP please ignore this mariachi person. He's a well known troll who spends his time trying to seek attention. He is deliberately giving you strange links to confuse you :facepalm:

I hope your situation improves :smile:

I totally agree!

Reply 34

username1402543

OP when you get the chance check out this authentic thread its based on interfaith marriages this question however is answered by a reputable sister who is quite well known

http://www.muftisays.com/forums/55-members-research-group/7204-interfaith-marriagehalal-or-haram.html

Reply 35

username2926188

Original post by JohnGreek

Yes. And specifically why the critical factor that's preventing you from committing yourself to this guy is religion.

The whole reason why is because if she decided to spend her life with a non muslim and then he later dies... she won't be able to pray for him to get to heaven because he isn't muslim. Marrying someone who's a good muslim is a logical and better option !!

Reply 36

username1402543

Original post by JohnGreek

Or it was a Freudian slip... who knows!

Please dont get ahead of yourself.

Reply 37

username1402543

Original post by Josb

So, your religion is making you unhappy, and may even stress you for the rest of your life. Are you sure that it is good for you to follow it?

What is it with non-muslims and misguiding others?

Reply 38

mariachi

Original post by Anonymous

OP please ignore this mariachi person. He's a well known troll who spends his time trying to seek attention. He is deliberately giving you strange links to confuse you :facepalm:

thanks for this interesting opinion about me, to which I am sure that everyone will attribute all the importance it deserves

why don't you also inform e.g. Dr. El Fadl (who is a Professor of Islamic law at UCLA) about his "strange" nature and credentials ?

http://www.scholarofthehouse.org/abdrabelfad.html

best

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 39

Josb

Original post by Anonymous

OP please ignore this mariachi person. He's a well known troll who spends his time trying to seek attention. He is deliberately giving you strange links to confuse you :facepalm:

I hope your situation improves :smile:

So brave from you to hide behind the anonymous function to insult an user...