It hurts when I hear how my loved ones feel sorry for me

I do me. But I have learnt that people fake their reaction when I perceive it to be genuine and then behind my back i have family members say bless her she's like a child or things are just different when they are having a deep conversation about me. I even remember once my ex said to me bless you but you are not sharp enough. It hits me deep. I feel down. I always say good things about them but it hurts me, knowing that they do in fact care about me, they love me but they pity me behind my back and it is anxiety inducing, I feel numb and I want to distant myself but the truth is I am who I am and I will never change that but I still feel hurt.

I do me. But I have learnt that people fake their reaction when I perceive it to be genuine and then behind my back i have family members say bless her she's like a child or things are just different when they are having a deep conversation about me. I even remember once my ex said to me bless you but you are not sharp enough. It hits me deep. I feel down. I always say good things about them but it hurts me, knowing that they do in fact care about me, they love me but they pity me behind my back and it is anxiety inducing, I feel numb and I want to distant myself but the truth is I am who I am and I will never change that but I still feel hurt.

I know what you mean. I think I got on with people but you never know what they are saying about you. A woman I did sports with and went out at night with a few times told the instructor not to ask me about blood pressure as I wouldn't know (I'm a nurse), the instructor told me he was going to ask me before she told him that, thinking it was funny. She views me as very dopy and told someone else that I'm a waste of life (because I don't go out drinking much). Other people have said things about me. My aunt is a nurse too and helped me with a placement I was struggling with. 2 years later she is now telling the family that she did everything for me, that I didn't know anything and that I must have go through the course on a wing and pray. Maybe I'm not a good healthcare worker but yea it's like when I let my guard down and be honest I feel people kind of make a deal about it and turn it against me. I don't know why, I find that now I think twice before asking people for help and I feel I need to put a more confident act on.

You shouldnt change who you are. They wont change their opinion unless given reason to. When you get some independence, Then you can prosper amd be happy in who you are. this will mean you will care much less about what others think. Not everyone will talk behind your back and you will hopefully find some who accept you as you are.

Thanks I needed to hear this