Friend drifting away
Ive known these two guys from seperate circles, and one of them I would class as a close friend as we told each other a lot, then after uni and now work we dont talk as much, we work in different jobs, I havent really heard from him much, as he says he's busy, but busy is bs, really as if you want to hang out with someone you will. I havent heard from him in a while, the last time he rang me was for money which upset me a little.
However they smoke a lot of weed, which is kind of good to not be near, but I dont mind talking.
Now my other friend its the same we would hang out a lot but now he doesnt, if I message him he's says he's busy. This has gone on for a while now. It is a bit sad, now he only contacted me to borrow some items, which was a bit selfish.
What can you do ?
However they smoke a lot of weed, which is kind of good to not be near, but I dont mind talking.
Now my other friend its the same we would hang out a lot but now he doesnt, if I message him he's says he's busy. This has gone on for a while now. It is a bit sad, now he only contacted me to borrow some items, which was a bit selfish.
What can you do ?
Original post by redleader1
Ive known these two guys from seperate circles, and one of them I would class as a close friend as we told each other a lot, then after uni and now work we dont talk as much, we work in different jobs, I havent really heard from him much, as he says he's busy, but busy is bs, really as if you want to hang out with someone you will. I havent heard from him in a while, the last time he rang me was for money which upset me a little.
However they smoke a lot of weed, which is kind of good to not be near, but I dont mind talking.
Now my other friend its the same we would hang out a lot but now he doesnt, if I message him he's says he's busy. This has gone on for a while now. It is a bit sad, now he only contacted me to borrow some items, which was a bit selfish.
What can you do ?
However they smoke a lot of weed, which is kind of good to not be near, but I dont mind talking.
Now my other friend its the same we would hang out a lot but now he doesnt, if I message him he's says he's busy. This has gone on for a while now. It is a bit sad, now he only contacted me to borrow some items, which was a bit selfish.
What can you do ?
People chat so much BS about being busy. Agreed.
If you want to make time for people, you will.
If you set a time and place to meet your friends, without giving them the option to say 'oh I'm busy because of x' maybe you'll rekindle the friendship.
Best of luck, friendo.
It's natural for environmental factors to make it that much more difficult to stay close, but as you said, if they really wanted to keep the bond you had alive, then they would make time for you somehow. 
It is sad to see people change and do something you wouldn't imagine they'd do to hurt you. But just remember that some people are too lazy to be asked to be your life-long friend, and you should pity them for this. These people may genuinely have their hands full, and you may benefit from just popping-up once in a while to see if they're free (or like above poster said, playfully say 'you're not an excuse this time!'
And see what they say.)
They may not be bad people, but perhaps they aren't thinking about what they're actions are doing to make you feel (empathy's a great thing).
While it may be hard to find someone else as close, you sound like a very sociable and easy-going person - just act as you normally would and see if you can find some other people. You never know who you may find round the corner, tomorrow or on your bus ride home. Strike up some casual conversation, compliment people, anything to take your mind off of them. They're not worth your time if they dismiss you due to work commitments. While it's hard to get rid of that history, just keep their numbers, the happy memories and as they say, 'Life goes on.'
It is sad to see people change and do something you wouldn't imagine they'd do to hurt you. But just remember that some people are too lazy to be asked to be your life-long friend, and you should pity them for this. These people may genuinely have their hands full, and you may benefit from just popping-up once in a while to see if they're free (or like above poster said, playfully say 'you're not an excuse this time!'
And see what they say.) They may not be bad people, but perhaps they aren't thinking about what they're actions are doing to make you feel (empathy's a great thing).
While it may be hard to find someone else as close, you sound like a very sociable and easy-going person - just act as you normally would and see if you can find some other people. You never know who you may find round the corner, tomorrow or on your bus ride home. Strike up some casual conversation, compliment people, anything to take your mind off of them. They're not worth your time if they dismiss you due to work commitments. While it's hard to get rid of that history, just keep their numbers, the happy memories and as they say, 'Life goes on.'
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by tehforum
People chat so much BS about being busy. Agreed.
If you want to make time for people, you will.
If you set a time and place to meet your friends, without giving them the option to say 'oh I'm busy because of x' maybe you'll rekindle the friendship.
Best of luck, friendo.
If you want to make time for people, you will.
If you set a time and place to meet your friends, without giving them the option to say 'oh I'm busy because of x' maybe you'll rekindle the friendship.
Best of luck, friendo.
Original post by 999tigger
People grow older and grow apart . If you have had uni inbetween thats a lot of time apart . Ringing you up just for money isnt good. Get new friends imo. If you wnat to try and keep them then you will ahve to make the effort to engage and they might not be so keen.
It was different at uni, I didnt live out and I would still see them. But now its a different ball game, at uni your more busy with assignments. At work you do your shift, go home and your free.
I not sure about what you mean by effort, maybe I didnt write it my bad. I have been texting about 2-3 times and he keeps saying im busy etc. So I get sick of it, im not gong to chase someone, realistically he should be more considerate and think wait a second, I should ring him back.
Once I asked him to hang out and he said oh come down im with so and so, I thought whats the point, I dont know the other guys and not only that they made plans without me, I didnt just want to but in.
Original post by redleader1
It was different at uni, I didnt live out and I would still see them. But now its a different ball game, at uni your more busy with assignments. At work you do your shift, go home and your free.
I not sure about what you mean by effort, maybe I didnt write it my bad. I have been texting about 2-3 times and he keeps saying im busy etc. So I get sick of it, im not gong to chase someone, realistically he should be more considerate and think wait a second, I should ring him back.
Once I asked him to hang out and he said oh come down im with so and so, I thought whats the point, I dont know the other guys and not only that they made plans without me, I didnt just want to but in.
I not sure about what you mean by effort, maybe I didnt write it my bad. I have been texting about 2-3 times and he keeps saying im busy etc. So I get sick of it, im not gong to chase someone, realistically he should be more considerate and think wait a second, I should ring him back.
Once I asked him to hang out and he said oh come down im with so and so, I thought whats the point, I dont know the other guys and not only that they made plans without me, I didnt just want to but in.
hmmm
I see.
Well there's no harm in meeting new people!
I would be open and try and make it work since you really do want to.
Original post by tehforum
hmmm
I see.
Well there's no harm in meeting new people!
I would be open and try and make it work since you really do want to.
I see.
Well there's no harm in meeting new people!
I would be open and try and make it work since you really do want to.
Make what work the friendship ?
Original post by redleader1
Make what work the friendship ?
Yes.
Original post by redleader1
It was different at uni, I didnt live out and I would still see them. But now its a different ball game, at uni your more busy with assignments. At work you do your shift, go home and your free.
I not sure about what you mean by effort, maybe I didnt write it my bad. I have been texting about 2-3 times and he keeps saying im busy etc. So I get sick of it, im not gong to chase someone, realistically he should be more considerate and think wait a second, I should ring him back.
Once I asked him to hang out and he said oh come down im with so and so, I thought whats the point, I dont know the other guys and not only that they made plans without me, I didnt just want to but in.
I not sure about what you mean by effort, maybe I didnt write it my bad. I have been texting about 2-3 times and he keeps saying im busy etc. So I get sick of it, im not gong to chase someone, realistically he should be more considerate and think wait a second, I should ring him back.
Once I asked him to hang out and he said oh come down im with so and so, I thought whats the point, I dont know the other guys and not only that they made plans without me, I didnt just want to but in.
Make the effort would be to arrange the opportunity to meet and do things. Cinema, drinks etc. If that means texting and he isnt interested then you can only try so many times and you have the answer. Move on and find some more friends as they arent interested.
Original post by tehforum
Yes.
But I have tried, ive messaged them but there be like we're busy. This has occured over the last few months. There's nothing much I can do. If they dont want to come out.
Original post by 999tigger
Make the effort would be to arrange the opportunity to meet and do things. Cinema, drinks etc. If that means texting and he isnt interested then you can only try so many times and you have the answer. Move on and find some more friends as they arent interested.
I have made effort thats the thing. Yeah moving on seems the better option, its sad as there's not many people around. But oh well what can you do.
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