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Boyfriend is going on lads holiday

My boyfriend told me yesterday that he wants to go on holiday to Amsterdam with his guy friends. He said he's going for the 'nightlife' and when I questioned it, he said 'what? Just nightlife okay'. My boyfriend is an extremely socially awkward person, but his friend is a really outgoing, extroverted guy who has no trouble with girls, and his friends are like this.

My friend told me afterwards, that by 'nightlife' in Amsterdam, it means clubs, strip clubs, prostitutes, one night stands, drugs and a ton of alcohol. My boyfriend text me this morning too saying 'my friend hypothetically asked me what I would do if you cheated on me, I said I'd forgive her and I expect the same as I give :smile:'. Is he asking for my permission to cheat?!

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Original post by Anonymous
My boyfriend told me yesterday that he wants to go on holiday to Amsterdam with his guy friends. He said he's going for the 'nightlife' and when I questioned it, he said 'what? Just nightlife okay'. My boyfriend is an extremely socially awkward person, but his friend is a really outgoing, extroverted guy who has no trouble with girls, and his friends are like this.

My friend told me afterwards, that by 'nightlife' in Amsterdam, it means clubs, strip clubs, prostitutes, one night stands, drugs and a ton of alcohol. My boyfriend text me this morning too saying 'my friend hypothetically asked me what I would do if you cheated on me, I said I'd forgive her and I expect the same as I give :smile:'. Is he asking for my permission to cheat?!


Yes. He is going to marry Juana, but on the plus side he's giving you permission to cheat too, how thoughtful of him. Sounds like a keeper
Reply 2
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Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by cherryred90s
Yes. He is going to marry Juana, but on the plus side he's giving you permission to cheat too, how thoughtful of him. Sounds like a keeper


that's so mean of him? Our relationship is always so good and smooth-sailing, we don't even fight or argue, and we communicate really often, he even tells me things like how he feels I'm out of his league (which I say sounds stupid of course). Why would he say something like that and want to hook up with random prostitutes when he has a loving girlfriend and a happy relationship already? He is also VERY easily influenced by the way, he's told me this before, like this is why he took up smoking, binge drinking, he says he did it because his friends did so when his friends hook up with girls, I'm guessing he will too.
Reply 3
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Reue
20
You should dump him for being stupid enough to let on that he might cheat on holiday. Better that kind of thing is kept quiet.
Dump him, he's clearly not committed to you sorry.
Reply 5
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Anonymous #1
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Original post by Reue
You should dump him for being stupid enough to let on that he might cheat on holiday. Better that kind of thing is kept quiet.


no the fact that he has even considered cheating is enough for me to want to dump him. Him telling me indirectly in a way, is actually redeeming because at least he's being a bit honest about his intentions. Either way I'm telling him I'm not happy with him going on this holiday or he's dumped, if he goes then who knows maybe he can find a nice girl to marry in a strip club in Amsterdam instead? :smile:
Reply 6
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Anonymous #1
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Original post by claireestelle
Dump him, he's clearly not committed to you sorry.


You're right. It just came out of nowhere, we haven't been arguing or going through any rough patches. We've been talking everyday so happily, so for him to indirectly ask if he can cheat basically, is just weird. :s-smilie:
Original post by claireestelle
Dump him, he's clearly not committed to you sorry.


Claire Estelle!! Nuuuuu~

....
Original post by Anonymous
You're right. It just came out of nowhere, we haven't been arguing or going through any rough patches. We've been talking everyday so happily, so for him to indirectly ask if he can cheat basically, is just weird. :s-smilie:


Perhaps he just has the immature view that it's acceptable behaviour, you deserve better.
Hes going to go there and cheat on you and he's basically leting you know on advance so it doesnt come as a shock to you.

You need to tell him youre not okay with that or leave him.
Stop fussing, **** like that will make him want to go the other way. Yes Amsterdam has a red light district and other "amenities" but if you trust your boyfriend it shouldn't matter. It's just a laugh, and If he did do anything I'm sure he would go to a strip club and that's it. I do have to applaud your boyfriends honesty though, as usually it's only the males who are seen to cheat however a lot of the time on girls holidays to Ibiza etc yoj will find many girls cheating and not telling their boyfriends. He might even just be going to smoke some weed. Don't worry to much about it
this is incredibly insensitive of your young gentleman, especially in the season of Valentine's Day when we celebrate our relationships.
Original post by Anonymous
My boyfriend told me yesterday that he wants to go on holiday to Amsterdam with his guy friends. He said he's going for the 'nightlife' and when I questioned it, he said 'what? Just nightlife okay'. My boyfriend is an extremely socially awkward person, but his friend is a really outgoing, extroverted guy who has no trouble with girls, and his friends are like this.

My friend told me afterwards, that by 'nightlife' in Amsterdam, it means clubs, strip clubs, prostitutes, one night stands, drugs and a ton of alcohol. My boyfriend text me this morning too saying 'my friend hypothetically asked me what I would do if you cheated on me, I said I'd forgive her and I expect the same as I give :smile:'. Is he asking for my permission to cheat?!


If he cheats and you never find out it didn't happen. No harm no foul.

Just chill out and enjoy being young :smile:
Original post by claireestelle
Perhaps he just has the immature view that it's acceptable behaviour, you deserve better.


I'm starting to realise he is an immature boy in general. The other day for example, I was wearing a choker necklace. He said 'why are you wearing that? I thought slutty girls wore those?', I said it's a piece of jewellery, why would you think something like that? He says 'my friends say it is, so I was easily influenced by them and thought the same', he's such a sheep. Thank you, I will hopefully find a guy that actually realises the value of his relationship is worth more than a fling.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm starting to realise he is an immature boy in general. The other day for example, I was wearing a choker necklace. He said 'why are you wearing that? I thought slutty girls wore those?', I said it's a piece of jewellery, why would you think something like that? He says 'my friends say it is, so I was easily influenced by them and thought the same', he's such a sheep. Thank you, I will hopefully find a guy that actually realises the value of his relationship is worth more than a fling.


That certainly screams immature to me, there'll be much better guys out there for you.
Original post by kalclash
If he cheats and you never find out it didn't happen. No harm no foul.

Just chill out and enjoy being young :smile:


are you serious? If you are, I don't know, I just don't understand how somebody can cheat whilst in a committed relationship. I wouldn't ever dream about cheating on him, and hiding it from him would be even worse. If I wanted to be free and young, I'd stay single and not find a person to be in a relationship with. Loyalty is important to me, if he doesn't like it, we can just break up and he can go catch an std or whatever whilst he's having his 'fun'.
Original post by neal95
Stop fussing, **** like that will make him want to go the other way. Yes Amsterdam has a red light district and other "amenities" but if you trust your boyfriend it shouldn't matter. It's just a laugh, and If he did do anything I'm sure he would go to a strip club and that's it. I do have to applaud your boyfriends honesty though, as usually it's only the males who are seen to cheat however a lot of the time on girls holidays to Ibiza etc yoj will find many girls cheating and not telling their boyfriends. He might even just be going to smoke some weed. Don't worry to much about it


at this point, I don't trust him, I didn't think he would do something like this. Also, as mentioned he has a strong history of being 'easily influenced by friends', the friends he is going with are extroverted and enjoy being wild, my boyfriend isn't mentally strong enough to say 'no' believe me, he's really socially awkward too, he'll end up saying 'yes' as his friends are pressurising him. If me fussing makes him go the other way, then so be it, he can come back and realise what he's lost. I would rather be with someone who doesn't take my feelings for granted and doesn't have the audacity to ask for my permission to cheat. I've told 3 of my girl/boy friends and each is saying dump him, he's crazy and that they'd never say something like that to their significant other.
Maybe he just wants to go to Amsterdam for the nightlife... most people don't go to Amsterdam for the prostitutes.
Reply 18
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DirtyDad
No, he's not going to cheat on you, He's going to be clog dancing and ice skating all throughout the holiday,
Original post by kalclash
If he cheats and you never find out it didn't happen. No harm no foul.

Just chill out and enjoy being young :smile:


I still don't think that makes it acceptable.

Original post by Anonymous
My boyfriend told me yesterday that he wants to go on holiday to Amsterdam with his guy friends. He said he's going for the 'nightlife' and when I questioned it, he said 'what? Just nightlife okay'. My boyfriend is an extremely socially awkward person, but his friend is a really outgoing, extroverted guy who has no trouble with girls, and his friends are like this.

My friend told me afterwards, that by 'nightlife' in Amsterdam, it means clubs, strip clubs, prostitutes, one night stands, drugs and a ton of alcohol. My boyfriend text me this morning too saying 'my friend hypothetically asked me what I would do if you cheated on me, I said I'd forgive her and I expect the same as I give :smile:'. Is he asking for my permission to cheat?!


What's the status of your relationship? How long have you been together? Are you in agreement that you should both be faithful?

In terms of having a lads weekend in Amsterdam - he might just not want to miss out on a lads weekend, it doesn't mean he has any intention of cheating. Perhaps he is curious about how you would feel if he did cheat - would you feel ok just having a chat with him about it?

If he wants some freedom, then let go, it will save you a lot of hurt in the meantime. It won't be easy, but at the same time it doesn't mean you won't ever get back together.

I think you need to be clear with him about your boundaries, what you're ok with and what you're not ok with and see how he responds.

Re: Amsterdam.....that all sounds very rock n roll but to be honest I can't see that it will all be like that. I've been - it's a beautiful city. And we walked through the red light district as every one does.... but I wouldn't say it's sexy and the guys I went with agreed. Seeing prostitutes looking through windows is actually pretty sad. Amsterdam is very open-minded and perhaps they're just curious?

Perhaps they'll ogle at prostitutes and eat a hash brownie.... perhaps they'll just sit in a bar and get drunk as they would in the UK.... perhaps they'll get a lap dance. The truth of it is, is that you may never know what happens and you need to decide now whether you have enough trust, or whether it crossed your boundaries. Again it completely depends on the status of your relationship and how you both feel about where you're at and where you want to be in the future.

:hugs:
(edited 7 years ago)

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