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Need advice on an inicident with a member of staff at college

Okay, Im going to make this as short and basic as possible. Unfortunately recently a young student passed away at college (RIP). Whilst at college a hoard of emergency service vehicles turned up right as I was leaving college. At this point I was completely unaware of the situation, and among these vehicles were 6 police cars.

Me and my friend stood and watched curious to what was going on, we were on the car park and a way from the incident and not in anyway blocking a path for the emergency services.

A security guard told me to move, I didnt and continued watching. This happened twice. Now, he began to get aggressive and call me a ****ing dick and pussy several times, me and my friend just laughed in total disbelief. He then grabbed my shirt and tried to pull me to college in which I shrugged him off and just laughed again as if to say wtf is he doing. He then threatened to knock me out twice, and said he'd see me on the car park later on my own. I never provoked any of this just simply laughed it off in disbelief.

So after reporting the incident etc, ive been told the guard was with the student who unfortunately passed away and was extremely emotional and upset, upon finding this out after my complaint I told staff that I understood his emotions now and accepted why he swore at me. I was offered 2 options, I apologise to him and thats the end of it, or I formally investigate it which will most likely result in me losing because I refused to follow instructions and obstructed emergency services (who I was nowhere near), they said If I choose this route and lose I will get kicked out of college for the reasons above. I was also told my friends statement would be unreliable because he's my friend.

I agreed to apologise but said I also wanted an apology for the personal insults and threats, I was told they doubt he'd accept that conclusion and it could then lead to him investigating me which will have the same outcome, me getting kicked out.

I was then told alot of staff have viewed this and believe im trying to seek self indulgence and being selfish.

What should I do? Where do I stand? Is it worth just apologising and feeling complete unjust but knowing it will be over and I can finish my final year?
(edited 7 years ago)

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Is this in the US?
Original post by markova21
Is this in the US?


Nope, UK.
To be honest I think it was you who was in the wrong. Someone died and you and your friend were watching like it was a circus? That and (no matter how close you were to the scene) he asked you to move twice.

Yes, he handled it unprofessionally, but had you moved when he first asked then none of that would have happened. Secondly, you and your friend kept laughing at him? You don't deserve the apology to be honest.
I would apologise to him, then it's done with. Did the student commit suicide or something? In any event, it must have been distressing for him to see. People react irrationally in situations like this. The poor man might never get over what he saw.
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by ShannyMorrison
To be honest I think it was you who was in the wrong. Someone died and you and your friend were watching like it was a circus? That and (no matter how close you were to the scene) he asked you to move twice.

Yes, he handled it unprofessionally, but had you moved when he first asked then none of that would have happened. Secondly, you and your friend kept laughing at him? You don't deserve the apology to be honest.


Let me give you my points also, we had absolutely no idea what was going on at the time.. Most of the emergency services were police cars so it certainly didn't feel like it was not a criminal incident.

I accept I should of moved and it wouldn't of happened, we werent laughing directly at him we were laughing in complete disbelief at the language and threats he was giving out. There is alot of people in college who would of responded back to him with either threats or physical action..
Original post by ShannyMorrison
To be honest I think it was you who was in the wrong. Someone died and you and your friend were watching like it was a circus? That and (no matter how close you were to the scene) he asked you to move twice.

Yes, he handled it unprofessionally, but had you moved when he first asked then none of that would have happened. Secondly, you and your friend kept laughing at him? You don't deserve the apology to be honest.

OP mentioned how he/she was unaware of the situation about the student who passed away so it would be normal for pupils to be intrigued in what going on. Though I do agree that once they heard the order from the guard they should have complied.
Original post by markova21
I would apologise to him, then it's done with. Did the student commit suicide or something? In any event, it must have been distressing for him to see. People react irrationally in situations like this.


I have agreed to apologise to him and accept that I was initially in the wrong, I'm just waiting to see if he will also accept to apologise to me for the threats and insults, it was a heart attack I believe, but at the time I was completely unaware of what had happened, and due to the high volume of police cars at the time I thought it was perhaps just a fight or something.
Original post by Lewisgibson1996

So after reporting the incident etc,

Did you report the incident?

or I formally investigate it


You investigate?

I don't understand, who is requesting the investigation? If it's you, just let it drop and everything is good. If the security guy is, it depends how confident you are you were in the right. Were there other witnesses than your friend? Perhaps you were in the wrong and were potentially obstructing someone.
Just apologise.
You didn't know of his emotional state, and now you do.
Original post by Anonymous
OP mentioned how he/she was unaware of the situation about the student who passed away so it would be normal for pupils to be intrigued in what going on. Though I do agree that once they heard the order from the guard they should have complied.


Correct, I also agree with the second point which I have agreed to apologise about because if I had complied then it wouldn't of occured. Do you think I am also owed one for the threats etc? Then we can forget about it, or do you think it should just be me apologising? I 100% accept I was initially in the wrong and caused the incident, but I still believe he took it too far with threatening me personally.
Original post by Lewisgibson1996
Most of the emergency services were police cars so it certainly didn't feel like it was not a criminal incident


Right, so it's okay to stare at police cars then? That's even worse.

Again, he was an authority figure (like a police man, a lecturer, a fireman) you are still meant to respect and listen to them. You were being juvenile. You should be long past the age where you boggle at police cars. If it's not CBS Reality and it's not Cops, you aren't meant to gawk. Simple as. It's disrespectful and rude.
Original post by chazwomaq
Did you report the incident?



You investigate?

I don't understand, who is requesting the investigation? If it's you, just let it drop and everything is good. If the security guy is, it depends how confident you are you were in the right. Were there other witnesses than your friend? Perhaps you were in the wrong and were potentially obstructing someone.


I reported it to management, but a formal investigation hasnt yet been launced. The option was I either apologise to him or start the formal investigation. I am just curious if people think I should request an apology also and both agree to apologise or what.. The only witness was my friend, he had none and the cctv obviously picked up no sounds.
Reply 13
Avatar for habouya
habouya
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I think both of u were in the wrong. So u should have moved when he asked u to. I understand that he was shocked and everything. But since he has gone back to his senses and recovered from the shock. I think he owes u an apology too. Just because he was emotionally distressed does not mean he should not apologise back. But at the same time, if u actually press on the matter, u will be at a disadvantage. Remember the world isn't always a fair place. So just accept it and apologise.


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You should have moved when you were asked. You instigated the whole situation by refusing to move. The security guard was doing his job. Man up, apologize and move on.
Original post by Lewisgibson1996
Correct, I also agree with the second point which I have agreed to apologise about because if I had complied then it wouldn't of occured. Do you think I am also owed one for the threats etc? Then we can forget about it, or do you think it should just be me apologising? I 100% accept I was initially in the wrong and caused the incident, but I still believe he took it too far with threatening me personally.

I think he should apologise for the unprofessional behaviour of hurling unnecessary insults at you and grabbing you by the shirt, but I wouldn't push it if I were you. Seems like you just want to put this event behind you, so it may be worth mentioning about the fact you'd like an apology, but don't sweat it if you don't get one.
Original post by ShannyMorrison
Right, so it's okay to stare at police cars then? That's even worse.

Again, he was an authority figure (like a police man, a lecturer, a fireman) you are still meant to respect and listen to them. You were being juvenile. You should be long past the age where you boggle at police cars. If it's not CBS Reality and it's not Cops, you aren't meant to gawk. Simple as. It's disrespectful and rude.


I dont agree with that point sorry, almost anyone would be curious to see what was going on if a load of police cars turned up at a work place, college etc, afterall I had friends in the college and would also like to know college is a safe place to attend.

I understand and accept I should of respected him and in hindsight now I agree with you and have accepted that I need to apologise. However I was still threatened and personally insulted by someone who is meant to protect me at my place of study.
you should have moved but his behaviour was not acceptable if everything you said was true.
Original post by Lewisgibson1996
I reported it to management, but a formal investigation hasnt yet been launced. The option was I either apologise to him or start the formal investigation.


So what happens if you do nothing? No apology and no investigation?

At the end of the day, you didn't do what a security guard asked you to do, regardless of whether you thought you should have to. Is that really grounds for kicking you out? Check your college policies and if so, apologise.
I think if you both shook hands, and you said i'm sorry you'll probably find he says the same as well.

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