The Student Room Group

Friends with an age difference

I asked this sort of thing yesterday but want to make this a lot simpler so here goes.

I am male and 18 years old and I am really good friends with a 29 year old girl. Is there anyone else on here friends with someone of the opposite sex with quite a large gap in age. I really like her and no one seems to approve I want to see if anyone else can relate to me.
Reply 1
The oldest friend I have is 25. With friends it's quite common, especially at a workplace but when it comes to relationships, it might be a little difficult depending on the person.
Plutonic friendship is one thing and is okay as long as there are boundaries. There is a substantial age difference at this point due to life experiences. I would definitely encourage you not to proceed with this friendship if you think if could be turning romantic. This may be a bit judgmental but most 29 year women would't be hanging out with an 18 year old guy unless it is a work colleague and the conversations take place in the workplace. If she is acting like things could turn romantic then she probably has some issues she's bringing to the table. Keep it plutonic and public for now. The older you get the less the age gap will be a factor but for now it is a significant age gap and yes friends/family are probably not going to approve. Sorry.
Reply 3
Original post by Hopefully1
Plutonic friendship is one thing and is okay as long as there are boundaries. There is a substantial age difference at this point due to life experiences. I would definitely encourage you not to proceed with this friendship if you think if could be turning romantic. This may be a bit judgmental but most 29 year women would't be hanging out with an 18 year old guy unless it is a work colleague and the conversations take place in the workplace. If she is acting like things could turn romantic then she probably has some issues she's bringing to the table. Keep it plutonic and public for now. The older you get the less the age gap will be a factor but for now it is a significant age gap and yes friends/family are probably not going to approve. Sorry.


I'm disagreeing with you but please read because I have my reason for it.

I feel part of the reason we get on so well is due to our age gap. We constantly flirt with each other but I've always felt it's playful since none of us are a threat to each other since I feel too young for her and vice versa. We can say anything to each other that we wouldn't say to people our age since it would be taken romantically. Ive always assumed we're joking around when we flirt and I feel like if something romantic was to happen it would have happened by now. Thanks anyway you've at least given me something to think about.
Two of my closest friends are 3 years older than I am. It's never bothered me.
Reply 5
Original post by MrsSheldonCooper
Two of my closest friends are 3 years older than I am. It's never bothered me.


Sorry I was talking about a larger age difference like the one I'm in of 12 years.
Reply 6
Some of the best friendships are with older/younger people.

But why are you asking random people on the internet if you should be friends with them ?? As if we know.
Sorry but the maturity levels with that age gap normally are inevitably different
It doesn't mean you are ridiculously mature to be 18 with a nearly 30 yr old platonic friend, it doesn't mean they are ridiculously immature

It means you are both on the same level of intellectual, sexual and emotional maturity, which probably is at a mutual plateau
(edited 7 years ago)
Reply 8
Original post by Therec00
Some of the best friendships are with older/younger people.

But why are you asking random people on the internet if you should be friends with them ?? As if we know.


I don't think I quite nailed the wording. I should of said would you be willing to be friends with someone if there was a large age difference.
I've had friends with a 20 year age gap - always through work though.
Reply 10
Original post by doodle_333
I've had friends with a 20 year age gap - always through work though.


Alright cool thanks.
I don't see any problem with being friends with someone substantially older than you, why should a number make a difference?
Reply 12
Original post by bones-mccoy
I don't see any problem with being friends with someone substantially older than you, why should a number make a difference?


It's never bothered me until recently. None of my family or friends seem to approve and most seem to think she wants to me more than friends with me and have told me to watch myself around her which is really annoying. I wish people could just be happy I've found someone I'm really close to.
Not odd at all. If you go into higher education or the work place you'll probably find yourself in this position at some point or another. From around age 20 I started befriending people significantly older (30s, 40s) than me.
Reply 14
Original post by sinfonietta
Not odd at all. If you go into higher education or the work place you'll probably find yourself in this position at some point or another. From around age 20 I started befriending people significantly older (30s, 40s) than me.


Okay that's good to know. I think the main problem is people seem to think we have darker intentions rather than we just like each other as friends.
Original post by oZombiex2
I asked this sort of thing yesterday but want to make this a lot simpler so here goes.

I am male and 18 years old and I am really good friends with a 29 year old girl. Is there anyone else on here friends with someone of the opposite sex with quite a large gap in age. I really like her and no one seems to approve I want to see if anyone else can relate to me.


so when you gon smash?
Reply 16
Original post by Black Hand Path
so when you gon smash?


Few weeks hopefully
For what it's worth, here's a point of view from the flip side: I'm a 44 year old female and have a very strong and natural friendship connection with a 19 year old male that I met through family. The age gap doesn't bother him, but because the gap is so vast, I feel like I'm doing something wrong, and that I shouldn't share deep emotional thoughts with him, because people might think I'm trying to manipulate him in some way. I'm worrying so much about it that I keep on backing away from conversation and he's starting to notice that I'm avoiding him. It's such a hard situation to be in, because our friendship enriches my everyday life, yet I feel pressure from the general rule of society that suggests, if an older woman is close friends with such a young male, then she must have impure motives. I understand that not everyone has decent intentions in these types of situations, and yes, of course that should be looked down upon, but that is definitely not the case with me. I just want to be able to enjoy the emotional and intellectual connection we have without feeling like I'm doing wrong by him.
I am 14 and female. I now have a friend who is 21 years old. It sounds weird. It is mostly an Xbox friendship. I met him through a friend and turns out he's a professional Nascar driver of 4 years. My siblings think it's weird. You wouldn't see a 21 year old being good friends with a girl as young as me.

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