'Marriage' - are we becoming a tad obsessed?
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Original post by Drez999
I'm a very easy-going person but what is all this about?
I have no idea why it is so (seemingly) important - if it be M/M, F/M, F/F or someone wishing to marry a chair...
What's the point?
I have no idea why it is so (seemingly) important - if it be M/M, F/M, F/F or someone wishing to marry a chair...
What's the point?
marriage not really that important tbh, and to be frank, a lot of people end up getting divorced within like 7 years now anyway - divorce rate in UK & US is now at 50%
Original post by Hydeman
It signifies my ownership of my woman. 
And when she divorces you the court will signify her ownership of half your property
Original post by MagicNMedicine
And when she divorces you the court will signify her ownership of half your property
...I was kidding. Not that I have much property to lose anyway.
Original post by President Hawk
Its just to legally show that you want to spend the rest of your lives together. Its done so people don't class you still as Boyfriend/Girlfriend even after 20 years of being together or something. It's also one of the Catholic Sacraments so religious people would want to get all the Sacraments.
Hope This Helps!
Hope This Helps!
Sure does help - thank you so much.
I'm a great fan of the Catholic faith and the poverty-stricken Vatican City too.
Original post by ChaoticButterfly
and this is a good thing why exactly?
The only thing worth trying to maintain a failing relationship for is a child imo.
The only thing worth trying to maintain a failing relationship for is a child imo.
You can't be with someone for a lifetime without going for a rough patch or two. Its good to know that your partner has committed to you and is not going to leave as soon as the going gets tough.
It is also a declaration to society. A gf/bf could mean anything. Marriage is more serious than that.
There are some legal benefits and a few tax benefits.
(edited 7 years ago)
PRSOM, getting married is something I always wanted to do, I don't think it will change that much between us but the legal benefits are important to us (the sharing tax allowance will come in handy for maternity leave for example) and we wanted to share a surname ( if mine wasn't double barrelled he d be taking mine but I like how his works with mine a lot anyway ) with any future children we have.
Original post by Spock's Socks
Generally for the most part, I don't see the hype in marriage. I don't think it makes your relationship any stronger, doesn't validate your relationship as unbreakable and generally people often get into it for the wrong reasons and/or have an false expectation of what a marriage is and should be.
I believe you can have a fully serious, committed and loving relationship with or without marriage. To me, marriage is a legal bond and a relationship is a personal bond. I'm mainly getting married to my long term partner due to financial security plus I don't keep well with my health and I know my partner has my back and I want him to be my voice when I can't vouch for myself and he can only do that legally if he is my husband.
After all we've been through, I don't need a piece of paper or name change to show he's the love of my life and my companion but we do want the legal rights that we are entitled to since we trust each other with our lives.
Posted from TSR Mobile
I believe you can have a fully serious, committed and loving relationship with or without marriage. To me, marriage is a legal bond and a relationship is a personal bond. I'm mainly getting married to my long term partner due to financial security plus I don't keep well with my health and I know my partner has my back and I want him to be my voice when I can't vouch for myself and he can only do that legally if he is my husband.
After all we've been through, I don't need a piece of paper or name change to show he's the love of my life and my companion but we do want the legal rights that we are entitled to since we trust each other with our lives.
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extra benefits from the government
I think some people have a life checklist that they want to tick off as soon as possible:
- Get a house
- Get married
- Have kids
At work I see a bit of smugness about some people that have achieved these things early. They will talk incessantly about their house/upcoming wedding, once the first kid arrives their facebook picture will be their kid, there will be pictures of their kid all over social media and so on. I think it goes more than them simply being bursting with pride and joy, there's an element of seeing this as a "life achievement" and if they have achieved it earlier than others there's some humble bragging to make everyone else see them as a success.
As well as chasing a marker of success there's also a fear of being alone amongst some people. They worry that being on their own as they get in to their 30s will bring other problems - being the "single friend" that is pitied/secretly looked down on by their peers, having pressure from their family, the practical difficulties of getting a house when single in the modern housing market. They will see others going through online dating experiences and think "well I'm glad I don't have all of that". I notice that the ones who are most vocal about promoting their status as engaged/married/homeowner/parent are the ones who are more average looking. The lucky hot people seem a lot more chilled about being single as they get older as they don't fear being left on the shelf.
I also think it's related to subconscious fear of relationships running their course. Whilst some people will meet someone who they are happy with in the long term, most will be time limited as you see as a young person, you discover areas where you are incompatible and they fester away and in the end poison the relationship so it runs its course and you move on. Break ups are hard anyway but marriage adds a cost of leaving by making it more expensive and inconvenient - this is even more so if there is a house and kids. So people who fear being left on the shelf will push for the security of locking their partner in, so they know if the relationship does run its course, at least they will be tied together and they hope their partner will just grudgingly try to make it work rather than leave them.
And this is true, they do have a higher chance of staying together. But it's not the same as being happy together. Raising the cost of leaving doesn't increase the chance of happiness it just makes it so they will stay with you and resent you. Affairs start becoming more common from people in their early 30s and you hear the same story a lot, "can't leave her because of the house/kids but that's the only reason I'm with her". People confide in others that they meet, often through work, get closer together and start to seek that excitement and rush of a new relationship whilst feeling resentful that they are trapped in a relationship that has run its course but is bound my marriage.
- Get a house
- Get married
- Have kids
At work I see a bit of smugness about some people that have achieved these things early. They will talk incessantly about their house/upcoming wedding, once the first kid arrives their facebook picture will be their kid, there will be pictures of their kid all over social media and so on. I think it goes more than them simply being bursting with pride and joy, there's an element of seeing this as a "life achievement" and if they have achieved it earlier than others there's some humble bragging to make everyone else see them as a success.
As well as chasing a marker of success there's also a fear of being alone amongst some people. They worry that being on their own as they get in to their 30s will bring other problems - being the "single friend" that is pitied/secretly looked down on by their peers, having pressure from their family, the practical difficulties of getting a house when single in the modern housing market. They will see others going through online dating experiences and think "well I'm glad I don't have all of that". I notice that the ones who are most vocal about promoting their status as engaged/married/homeowner/parent are the ones who are more average looking. The lucky hot people seem a lot more chilled about being single as they get older as they don't fear being left on the shelf.
I also think it's related to subconscious fear of relationships running their course. Whilst some people will meet someone who they are happy with in the long term, most will be time limited as you see as a young person, you discover areas where you are incompatible and they fester away and in the end poison the relationship so it runs its course and you move on. Break ups are hard anyway but marriage adds a cost of leaving by making it more expensive and inconvenient - this is even more so if there is a house and kids. So people who fear being left on the shelf will push for the security of locking their partner in, so they know if the relationship does run its course, at least they will be tied together and they hope their partner will just grudgingly try to make it work rather than leave them.
And this is true, they do have a higher chance of staying together. But it's not the same as being happy together. Raising the cost of leaving doesn't increase the chance of happiness it just makes it so they will stay with you and resent you. Affairs start becoming more common from people in their early 30s and you hear the same story a lot, "can't leave her because of the house/kids but that's the only reason I'm with her". People confide in others that they meet, often through work, get closer together and start to seek that excitement and rush of a new relationship whilst feeling resentful that they are trapped in a relationship that has run its course but is bound my marriage.
Original post by claireestelle
PRSOM, getting married is something I always wanted to do, I don't think it will change that much between us but the legal benefits are important to us (the sharing tax allowance will come in handy for maternity leave for example) and we wanted to share a surname ( if mine wasn't double barrelled he d be taking mine but I like how his works with mine a lot anyway ) with any future children we have.
wrong thread. delete
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(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by Sternumator
It is also a declaration to society.
It is also a declaration to society.
That's the bit I have a problem with. Society can do one, especially since in this case society is a euphemism for the state.
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by ChaoticButterfly
Society can do one
You're slowly metamorphosing into a Thatcherite.
Original post by ChaoticButterfly
That's the bit I have a problem with. Society can do one, especially since in this case society is a euphemism for the state.
Married couples are a social unit but unmarried couples aren't. People treat married couples differently than they treat the latest fling. Marriage is a clear statement to society what your relationship is. Without it, how is anyone else to know?
I accept that the rise of cohabiting couples has made it a bit easier to discern what the relationship is but no one really knows. May be you are living together for convenience for a bit and if you are unmarried, you are free to leave at any time.
It isn't a euphemism for the state. Marriage has always been a social institution. States have only involved themselves in marriage relatively recently as have religions. Marriage was going before states were.
Original post by claireestelle
PRSOM, getting married is something I always wanted to do, I don't think it will change that much between us but the legal benefits are important to us (the sharing tax allowance will come in handy for maternity leave for example) and we wanted to share a surname ( if mine wasn't double barrelled he d be taking mine but I like how his works with mine a lot anyway ) with any future children we have.
They need to increase that allowance. It is only worth £4 a week.
I think it's totally possible to maintain a faithful relationship without marriage, and I think it's sad to need a piece of paper to keep a couple together. I'd only get married because with marriage comes certain perks. Here's the first thing that popped up when I googled it:
https://www.theknot.com/content/benefits-of-marriage
https://www.theknot.com/content/benefits-of-marriage
Original post by Sternumator
Married couples are a social unit but unmarried couples aren't. People treat married couples differently than they treat the latest fling. Marriage is a clear statement to society what your relationship is. Without it, how is anyone else to know?
I accept that the rise of cohabiting couples has made it a bit easier to discern what the relationship is but no one really knows. May be you are living together for convenience for a bit and if you are unmarried, you are free to leave at any time.
It isn't a euphemism for the state. Marriage has always been a social institution. States have only involved themselves in marriage relatively recently as have religions. Marriage was going before states were.
I accept that the rise of cohabiting couples has made it a bit easier to discern what the relationship is but no one really knows. May be you are living together for convenience for a bit and if you are unmarried, you are free to leave at any time.
It isn't a euphemism for the state. Marriage has always been a social institution. States have only involved themselves in marriage relatively recently as have religions. Marriage was going before states were.
Getting married is very much a legal thing now in the time period I live in. I don't live in a tribe.
Also your theory of social units literally means nothing to me. I don't care what other people think. I only care what I and my partner think. Like I said, society can do one. The only time when I engage in it is what I am forced to. Like worrying about what the state will do if we had children and then got divorced, or if I died what would happen with my pension etc. It is tied up in with the state and it is the coercive aspects of that that I have to deal with. Has nothing to do with love.
The other thing with social units is that they objectively exist. Just because the state doesn't say recognise polygamy doesn't mean that it doesn't exist from a sociological perspective. It's the same with none married couples. My friends were born into the world by parents who were not married. That does not mean that family group did not exist.
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by Sternumator
They need to increase that allowance. It is only worth £4 a week.
Every penny counts though
Original post by prazzyjazzy
I think it's totally possible to maintain a faithful relationship without marriage, and I think it's sad to need a piece of paper to keep a couple together. I'd only get married because with marriage comes certain perks. Here's the first thing that popped up when I googled it:
https://www.theknot.com/content/benefits-of-marriage
https://www.theknot.com/content/benefits-of-marriage
the uk benefits are a bit different
Original post by Black Hand Path
marriage not really that important tbh, and to be frank, a lot of people end up getting divorced within like 7 years now anyway - divorce rate in UK & US is now at 50%
Divorce rate is 42% and is at a 40 year low. its been falling for the last 13 years. Divorce rate isnt everything though and its much better people do so than stay n unhappy marriages imo.
Its still the most stable form of family unit, so yes it is very important.
Original post by Hydeman
You're slowly metamorphosing into a Thatcherite.
Libertarian socialist. Equal distribution of power and the view that marriage is a result of inequality and is patriarchal. Workers owning the means of production does not mean I have to support witch hunts for minority relationships groups.
I believe Thatcher was big on social conservatism and was not a free love advocate
Thatcher wasn't a real libertarian basically.
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