Advice: Muslim men dating British women

I've been dating a girl from a different cultural background to mine and we both get on really well. We've been in the relationship for a few months and it sort of reached the point where i want to tell my parents and family. My parents are conservative but wouldn't object completely to the relationship provided marriage is on the agenda. They just wouldn't except a relationship of any sort outside of marriage. Most of my siblings are born and raised in this country and could persuade my parents to accept any decision I make. The issue I have is, i'm not sure if she would even consider marriage and I don't want to bring up the issue just quite yet in our relationship and I wouldn't want to discuss the relationship with my parents without knowing her opinion.

My question to you all is what would be the best way to discuss the issue of marriage with her without making her uncomfortable. The relationship is reaching a stale mate with her thinking I'm not taking the relationship seriously and that I'm using her somehow.

I would appreciate all honest opinion especially from Muslim who may have been in my position.

Thank you all

Reply 1

troubadour.

19

What's the issue? If she's unhappy that you're not taking the relationship seriously enough, why would broaching the subject of marriage be a problem? :confused:

Reply 2

ahmed91

OP

I probably didn't explain it well but what I meant was our relationship is a secretive one where my family don't know, it's come to a stage where I would like to tell my parents but I'm not sure how committed she is to an idea of a relationship other than boyfriend/girlfriend.

I just don't want her thinking that I'm not taking this relationship seriously because I haven't spoken to my parents.

Just wanted to know if other Muslim have been in a similar situation and what action they took

Reply 3

troubadour.

19

Original post by ahmed91

I probably didn't explain it well but what I meant was our relationship is a secretive one where my family don't know, it's come to a stage where I would like to tell my parents but I'm not sure how committed she is to an idea of a relationship other than boyfriend/girlfriend.

I just don't want her thinking that I'm not taking this relationship seriously because I haven't spoken to my parents.

In that case it's better to just reassure her - no need to go proposing just to show how serious you are. It's not uncommon for people to hide relationships from strict parents so she should, if she's reasonable, understand.

Just wanted to know if other Muslim have been in a similar situation and what action they took

You're unlikely to find many on this site.

Reply 4

ahmed91

OP

Original post by Hydeman

In that case it's better to just reassure her - no need to go proposing just to show how serious you are. It's not uncommon for people to hide relationships from strict parents so she should, if she's reasonable, understand.

You're unlikely to find many on this site.

Thanks for the advise. I grew up in a community where relationship have always been arranged and certainly within the own ethnicity.

But i know for a fact times are changing within my community and more and more people are getting in relationship outside their own culture, Personally culture has never been a concern.

I was wondering is it only me who has observed this change or do other people also see the change in the Muslim community

Reply 5

ScotlandAhmed

2

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 6

troubadour.

19

Original post by ahmed91

I was wondering is it only me who has observed this change or do other people also see the change in the Muslim community

You'd be better off asking in r/Islam on Reddit. It's much bigger and more international, and therefore more representative of what Muslims think.

Reply 7

Al-farhan

20

Original post by ahmed91

Thanks for the advise. I grew up in a community where relationship have always been arranged and certainly within the own ethnicity.

But i know for a fact times are changing within my community and more and more people are getting in relationship outside their own culture, Personally culture has never been a concern.

I was wondering is it only me who has observed this change or do other people also see the change in the Muslim community

Islam is international, and there is nothing wrong islamically of marrying outside your ethnicity.
Arranged marriages, tribal based, caste based marriages are more to do with bad cultural practices rather than anything religious.
As long as the marriage follows islamic guidelines it is fine.
I know many brothers who married outside of their ethnicity and have happy marriages.

Reply 8

TheProphetsPath

17

Original post by AishaGirl

You're a mess get a grip.

Let's make an effort deal with people kindly.

Original post by ahmed91

I've been dating a girl from a different cultural background to mine and we both get on really well. We've been in the relationship for a few months and it sort of reached the point where i want to tell my parents and family. My parents are conservative but wouldn't object completely to the relationship provided marriage is on the agenda. They just wouldn't except a relationship of any sort outside of marriage. Most of my siblings are born and raised in this country and could persuade my parents to accept any decision I make. The issue I have is, i'm not sure if she would even consider marriage and I don't want to bring up the issue just quite yet in our relationship and I wouldn't want to discuss the relationship with my parents without knowing her opinion.

My question to you all is what would be the best way to discuss the issue of marriage with her without making her uncomfortable. The relationship is reaching a stale mate with her thinking I'm not taking the relationship seriously and that I'm using her somehow.

I would appreciate all honest opinion especially from Muslim who may have been in my position.

Thank you all

Basically, marrying outside of your culture is fine and is good too.
But what you are doing now is haram, you can't and shouldn't speak to her without a mahram being present. It's a sin, and has the potential to lead onto much much more worse sins and haram. So you will have to approach her for marriage purposes, without a doubt, if you want to pursue a relationship with her.
You should tell your parents, or call her dad and ask his opinion and whether he is willing or not. Is she up to the idea of marriage? If not then leave her instead of falling into much worse sins which will dig a bigger hole for you.
So be it if it's uncomfortable or not, you will have to mention marriage and pursue it. You will need to know where this relationship is going in the first place anyway or else there will be nothing but bad coming from it. So ask for marriage and don't delay it (don't force or rush either), just make sure you mention marriage and get an answer.
If you are worried to how your parents will take it being from a different culture, don't worry about that as of now, first priority in my eyes would be finding out whether marriage is even a possibility for her. Then, after that you can discuss the details of it which is likely to be able to be discussed and convinced otherwise as, for example culture; it's not something which is prohibited in Islam.