lol idk why i said that
bc im going to uni anyway
even if i drop out and live in a box for 7 months im still going and im not even going to uni in that city
lol im so pathetic
its fine
its fine
it really is i refuse to melt down again
partly bc ik no-one will come and tbh do i even want anyone too
idk
i should just be more ok at this point, i am compared to last year but its not really enough is it considering i need to be totally fixed before september
omg lol
im also not helping myself by watching this, i always do this why
why watch something when u know its gonna upset u, idek why things do this to me it never used to
ok im gonna be super rational:
1) get my head fixed, and not mentally although that would also be nice, there is something wrong and idk what it is but its not normal to have ur vision moving and shifting about and to have this lightheadedness constantly
2)Stop being lonely, bc if im lonely now i wont be able to cope in the summer for 3 months
3) Find out that thing
4) Print that other thing off
5) write this bloody essay
6) sstop trying to be someone who i cant possibly be at this stage, im 18 and im trying hard so that is all i can do
i want half term to be over i have decided, i dont like school but im spending too much time in my head and the images in my head and i dont really want to bc it just goes bad
ok