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Why are people scared of commitment?

:hmmm:

And if you arn't, why do you think people are?

I think it's because some folk are scared to get hurt again or don't let themselves fall for someone because of previous experiances...
or maybe they are unable to form the emotional connections ect?

But surely we should learn from what's happened in the past and use what we learnt to help built stronger relationships in the present or future?

And if you're someone who isn't ready to commit, or afraid of commitment- why? what are you reasons for it, if you have any?

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Committing means making a decision and for me, indecisiveness defines me :biggrin:
So much easier to back out of any permanent decisions and shy away, I guess
Original post by BrainyBengali
Committing means making a decision and for me, indecisiveness defines me :biggrin:
So much easier to back out of any permanent decisions and shy away, I guess


hahaha i know what you mean by indecisiveness, but surely you'll have to/need to one day?
Like you summed it up, previous experiences, but also I think the idea of finding someone and settling down isn't as enforced as it used to be, we have become independent on our own and many people choose a career instead. I'm the type of person who can't focus on a career/studies and being committed to someone.
Original post by CleverSquirrel
hahaha i know what you mean by indecisiveness, but surely you'll have to/need to one day?


Yep, but that comes eventually with maturity - the final decision to 'settle-down' as the middle-aged say :tongue:
Original post by CleverSquirrel
:hmmm:

And if you arn't, why do you think people are?

I think it's because some folk are scared to get hurt again or don't let themselves fall for someone because of previous experiances...
or maybe they are unable to form the emotional connections ect?

But surely we should learn from what's happened in the past and use what we learnt to help built stronger relationships in the present or future?

And if you're someone who isn't ready to commit, or afraid of commitment- why? what are you reasons for it, if you have any?


It depends what you mean by commitment. Some people dont want to settle down and feel trapped or feel all there options have gone. Most of the time we feel there is better just round the corner. Commitment with the right person is easy and natural.
The idea of commitment means that you have to be devoted to this individual till the end. That concept in itself can be pretty daunting. I think that for a lot of people, they feel a sense of entrapment or even oppression.

EDIT: I doubt that would be the case if you loved that individual though.
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by 999tigger
It depends what you mean by commitment. Some people dont want to settle down and feel trapped or feel all there options have gone. Most of the time we feel there is better just round the corner. Commitment with the right person is easy and natural.


i agree, and by commitment, it could be anytime- from asking someone out after seeing them for a while, or even settling down once you've both matured ect

i like the last bit- i agree 100%


Original post by BrainyBengali
Yep, but that comes eventually with maturity - the final decision to 'settle-down' as the middle-aged say :tongue:

yep! you're right- i guess it does

Original post by Rhythmical
Like you summed it up, previous experiences, but also I think the idea of finding someone and settling down isn't as enforced as it used to be, we have become independent on our own and many people choose a career instead. I'm the type of person who can't focus on a career/studies and being committed to someone.


i dont know- i like the idea of becoming independant but i feel like you should have someone by your side too though? otherwise people become so career focussed that they beocme lonely?
(edited 7 years ago)
people wanna practice polygamy
Original post by ||TheUnknown||
The idea of commitment means that you have to be devoted to this individual till the end. That concept in itself can be pretty daunting. I think that for a lot of people, they feel a sense of entrapment or even oppression.

EDIT: I doubt that would be the case if you loved that individual though.


I can see where you're coming from, though surely having that connection with that person and level of trust means that it's not daunting like you said?

but you're right, if you love them, then it's not the case :smile:
Original post by CleverSquirrel
i agree, and by commitment it could be anytime- from asking someone out after seeing them for a while, or even settling down once you've both matured ect

i like the last bit- i agree 100%



yep! you're right- i guess it does



i dont know- i like the idea of becoming independant but i feel like you should have someone by your side too though? otherwise people become so career focussed that they beocme lonely?


Possibly yes, I think for a lot of people, it is the fear of taking the person for granted that they become too committed and attached, and of course it being one sided. If it was a relationship, it's much more easier to define commitment, from a friendship point of view, it's complex. I wouldn't mind dating while having a career, but if you find someone who is also career focused, you both may lose sight of your love. I don't think people are as afraid of commitment as they are trying to find commitment. We lead busy lives, dating apps are mostly used for casual and short term relationships and we tend to settle down later in life.
Original post by Angry Bird
people wanna practice polygamy


It's still commitment though
Original post by CleverSquirrel
:hmmm:

And if you arn't, why do you think people are?

I think it's because some folk are scared to get hurt again or don't let themselves fall for someone because of previous experiances...
or maybe they are unable to form the emotional connections ect?

But surely we should learn from what's happened in the past and use what we learnt to help built stronger relationships in the present or future?

And if you're someone who isn't ready to commit, or afraid of commitment- why? what are you reasons for it, if you have any?


You might just want to have fun ?
There are so many opportunities you can always get something better.
Original post by Angry Bird
people wanna practice polygamy

hmmmm

Original post by Rhythmical
Possibly yes, I think for a lot of people, it is the fear of taking the person for granted that they become too committed and attached, and of course it being one sided. If it was a relationship, it's much more easier to define commitment, from a friendship point of view, it's complex. I wouldn't mind dating while having a career, but if you find someone who is also career focused, you both may lose sight of your love. I don't think people are as afraid of commitment as they are trying to find commitment. We lead busy lives, dating apps are mostly used for casual and short term relationships and we tend to settle down later in life.


thats very true....i like your thinking girl!
THIS!

thats so true! i agree with you 100%

im pretty much the same. i wont not love someone because of whats happened in the past- id use it to build a stronger relationship- thats what it's all about- you'll get hurt- it's part of it all- like a cyle unitll you find someone to settle with if that makes sense?
The only reason why I'm afraid of commitment is cos when you meet someone, you like them for who they are but as soon as they get attached to you they seem to want to change everything they first loved about you in the first place. That's my experience anyway.
a lot of boys have said I have commitment issues, but not in terms of cheating or anything i would never do that. I just can't settle sometimes or open up to every boy i date, when things move too quick I just become a bit suspicious and anxious and it's definitely due to prior experiences.
Most people are ****s and I don't trust them.

I have also seen what happens during a really messy divorce, not for me thanks.
Original post by Redflag1
The only reason why I'm afraid of commitment is cos when you meet someone, you like them for who they are but as soon as they get attached to you they seem to want to change everything they first loved about you in the first place. That's my experience anyway.


so you think once you've commited, everything in the relationship changes? since they dont have to 'try' anymore?
it shouldn't be like that in a stable relationshio imo

Original post by _princessxox
a lot of boys have said I have commitment issues, but not in terms of cheating or anything i would never do that. I just can't settle sometimes or open up to every boy i date, when things move too quick I just become a bit suspicious and anxious and it's definitely due to prior experiences.


hmmm i see where you're coming from, sometimes thing to move too fast that it puts people off

Original post by Willy Pete
Most people are ****s and I don't trust them.

I have also seen what happens during a really messy divorce, not for me thanks.


i have trust issues too, i think its quite normal.

ahh okay i see :yep:
Original post by CleverSquirrel
i have trust issues too, i think its quite normal.

ahh okay i see :yep:


Everyone has trust issues, I have extreme trust issues. I don't even trust my own family with a lot of things.

Divorce sucks.

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