The Student Room Group

Struggling mature student

I am 25 and currently in my 2nd year at uni. I need some help meeting new friends. When I came to uni I left my old life behind because it was no good for me and so I have no friends from back home. I'm a working class girl in a very middle class/ upper class uni and I am yet to find some decent friends. I've tried joining societies, tried getting to know people on my course but they're either too young or not on my wavelength or they can't understand my strong Yorkshire accent. Anyone have any suggestions for how I might meet some people because at the moment I have no social life and I'm starting to go nuts.
Original post by Loobs27
I am 25 and currently in my 2nd year at uni. I need some help meeting new friends. When I came to uni I left my old life behind because it was no good for me and so I have no friends from back home. I'm a working class girl in a very middle class/ upper class uni and I am yet to find some decent friends. I've tried joining societies, tried getting to know people on my course but they're either too young or not on my wavelength or they can't understand my strong Yorkshire accent. Anyone have any suggestions for how I might meet some people because at the moment I have no social life and I'm starting to go nuts.

You have to persist in taking part in things. Don't get put off by your initial impression of people. Friendships grow through shared experiences and often simply just spending time together. So carry on doing what you're doing and be open and friendly if they find your accent funny just play up to it. Don't worry too much, don't take yourself too seriously.

If you're really struggling maybe you would benefit from seeing the uni counsellor, the student support officer or if things start to impact on your work then your personal tutor.

Good on you for giving uni a go as a mature student. Feeling like the odd one out is never easy but in this situation age is just a number and you're all going through the same firsts...
hopefully with comparable firsts in your studies too! :wink: :tongue: but that's a lot to ask so just keep doing the best in the circumstances. It's your undergraduate degree after all, not a PhD... yet!

:five:
Reply 2
Thanks for the reply. I've been here almost two years now. I very much take part in things. I go to the college quiz, I'm on the committee for a society and I even work on campus. Ive tried going out on a night with people from uni several times but I am not clicking with anyone. I have a bf at uni, he has a few friends but as yet I've not bonded with anyone. It's getting to the stage where I just want to run away to another country and start again. I've also seen councillors and my supervisor many times about this.
(edited 7 years ago)
meetup.com has groups

It's hard. I have no friends.
Reply 4
Original post by Hugh_mungus
meetup.com has groups

It's hard. I have no friends.


What do you do in you're spare time? I'm constantly bored and depressed.
Original post by Loobs27
What do you do in you're spare time? I'm constantly bored and depressed.


See a psychologist, and spend hour some on forums. :/

I don't meet people which is annoying.
Reply 6
Original post by Loobs27
Thanks for the reply. I've been here almost two years now. I very much take part in things. I go to the college quiz, I'm on the committee for a society and I even work on campus. Ive tried going out on a night with people from uni several times but I am not clicking with anyone. I have a bf at uni, he has a few friends but as yet I've not bonded with anyone. It's getting to the stage where I just want to run away to another country and start again. I've also seen councillors and my supervisor many times about this.


Maybe they're not your crowd? :smile:

I personally find it easiest to click with people that you meet through a common interest, rather than through school/work.
Reply 7
Original post by ezzk294
Maybe they're not your crowd? :smile:

I personally find it easiest to click with people that you meet through a common interest, rather than through school/work.


Yeah. I think I'm just gonna have to take a plunge and start going to gigs etc on my own to try and meet some like minded people.
Reply 8
Original post by Loobs27
Yeah. I think I'm just gonna have to take a plunge and start going to gigs etc on my own to try and meet some like minded people.


Does your uni have some sort of "music lovers" society? Maybe you could uncover people interested in the same bands. :smile:

Also, I think @Little Popcorns said something very important about persistence. Every time I succeeded at something in life, it was down to a combination of persistence and consistency. You'll connect with the right people eventually, I'm sure.
Reply 9
Original post by Loobs27
Yeah. I think I'm just gonna have to take a plunge and start going to gigs etc on my own to try and meet some like minded people.


There's honestly no shame in that all. I'm really into electronic music, but non of my friends really are, so I just go by myself. Same with comedy nights. I have a blast, why should the fear of going by myself stop me from enjoying something I really want to see or do.

I've been doing it for so many years now, it's just normal to me. I've met so many people through it.

In September I went to Amsterdam for a huge trance night by myself, met an American girl who lives in Cairo there who was also by herself. We got chatting, we hang out after. Then I go to visit her in Cairo few weeks later, she came here in December and we still talk most days.

Seriously, don't be afraid of taking the plunge. You will meet people
Message your unis mental health or student support service for their advice. Also, look at activities outside uni social clubs you can get involved in.
Which uni are you at? I am starting uni in September and a bit worried about the same thing x
Reply 12
Original post by Michelle1811
Which uni are you at? I am starting uni in September and a bit worried about the same thing x

Uni of York. It's a very middle and upper class uni.
I thought it might have been Durham, in which case I was going to say I live local and could have come to some gigs with you
Original post by Loobs27
Uni of York. It's a very middle and upper class uni.


I don't want to sound unhelpful, but maybe if you changed your outlook on things like this it might help you. I don't think most people consider the 'class' of other people at university - they're just people. Does it particularly matter what social class they're from? Maybe if you tried forgetting arbitrary distinctions like this you might come across a bit more relaxed and less uptight and people would warm to you more?
Reply 15
Original post by Reality Check
I don't want to sound unhelpful, but maybe if you changed your outlook on things like this it might help you. I don't think most people consider the 'class' of other people at university - they're just people. Does it particularly matter what social class they're from? Maybe if you tried forgetting arbitrary distinctions like this you might come across a bit more relaxed and less uptight and people would warm to you more?


Wow. It's not my opinion, its a fact and yes, it does matter. I treat everyone I meet exactly the same regardless of their class or background. You cannot assume that I don't just because I stated the university has mainly middle and upper class students. It is widely accepted that working class students, when going to university experience a culture shock because of this and can sometimes find university social life difficult. Finding common ground for things to talk about and getting to know a person can therefore be really tricky, even harder when you're seven years older than the majority.
Original post by Loobs27
Wow. It's not my opinion, its a fact and yes, it does matter. I treat everyone I meet exactly the same regardless of their class or background. You cannot assume that I don't just because I stated the university has mainly middle and upper class students. It is widely accepted that working class students, when going to university experience a culture shock because of this and can sometimes find university social life difficult. Finding common ground for things to talk about and getting to know a person can therefore be really tricky, even harder when you're seven years older than the majority.


I think you're more concerned about your age and social background than anyone else is, and that's probably coming across and putting people off talking to you. You did ask for people's suggestions... My suggestion is to have less of a chip about all this and just throw yourself into things. I think you'd probably then find that no-one's particularly interested in your background!
Original post by Loobs27
I am 25 and currently in my 2nd year at uni. I need some help meeting new friends. When I came to uni I left my old life behind because it was no good for me and so I have no friends from back home. I'm a working class girl in a very middle class/ upper class uni and I am yet to find some decent friends. I've tried joining societies, tried getting to know people on my course but they're either too young or not on my wavelength or they can't understand my strong Yorkshire accent. Anyone have any suggestions for how I might meet some people because at the moment I have no social life and I'm starting to go nuts.


Dont they have a mature students society or postgrads?

Might sound silly, but why not advertise yourself and what you are looking for in the way of friends. There will be other people in your situation.

If push comes to shove and the societies dont interest you, then you can always join the same, but in the city you are at, which should have a more mature age range.
Reply 18
Original post by Loobs27
It is widely accepted that working class students, when going to university experience a culture shock because of this and can sometimes find university social life difficult.

Possibly but I don't think it can be taken as a given. I did A Levels at a state comprehensive, have a West Country accent like Worzel Gummidge and I got on just fine at Oxford (with the students, if not the academics!). I still have good friends from there years later - and it was much more class-riven when I was there. If there really is some kind of barrier, then you're the one who needs to adapt. You can't affect how other people react, but you can control how you react. If you're in the minority and you can't find anyone else from your minority, then you have to find a way of feeling comfortable with the majority. Life's just like that.

Also, 25 is by no means automatically "too old" to get on with the more traditional 18-21 demographic.That really is in your head and I can speak from direct experience. I went to uni the second time around aged 44 and I found ways of being matey with them. I'm still in contact with a lot of them via Facebook, nearly nine years later. Start looking for the good things about people. There will be plenty.

But if you really feel that there are no other people in the student body like you (and I'm sure they're out there somewhere), one of the above posters has the right idea. Get out into York and start mixing with people outside the uni. Kuda looks like the sort of large nightclub which might offer your preferred music and it's a big enough venue where you could rock up on your own and not stand out in any way. If you find that you still can't socialise whilst trying to interact with an entire city, then you really would have to admit that the problem is you and not them!
Ok, I'm at York doing my MA and I have to actually agree that the social side isn't very open. I think it's something about it being a campus uni, it's quite insular sometimes. It's slightly different for me, I'm a part time post grad with kids - the GSA do lots of events but I never manage to get to anything around school, studies, hubby's shifts etc.

My advice, look outside the Uni. Try some other stuff that you're interested in. Join a gym class or a sports club. Go to WI meetings, anything that sparks your interest. Uni isn't the be-all and end-all. You will need to 'be' afterwards, so try to think about the afterwards bit rather than the now bit. Volunteer work? Trying to gain experience in your career field? Or even just working in a charity shop? Do you want to stay in York? Or will you go home/to another area? Lots of things to look forward to and focus on....don't be put off because you're struggling to make friends right now.

Quick Reply

Latest