What is wrong with me? What do I do?

As long as I ve been alive, I ve always liked girls. I ve always checked them out, dated them, went to pick up girls with my guy friends, even had sex with them and liked it. Me and my buddy just went on spring break and we re looking and talking to girls the whole time, so there s no doubt to me that I am attracted to girls, but the passed month or so my mind has been thinking "what if you re gay" or something like that. Growing up whenever I saw two guys kissed I always thought it was gross and felt weird about it. When I watch porn it s 90% lesbian. over the course of my life I have watched gay porn a couple times and now it feels like a cloud is constantly over me saying that I m gay and I can t get rid of the thought and it s making me depressed. but I like lesbian way more. During showers after sports I ve never felt attracted to the other guys in the shower and locker room with me. When I m hanging with my friends and having fun sometimes I forget about this weird thought and we talk about girls and stuff and I feel normal, not attracted to my guy friends, but then when I m not doing anything it won t get out of my head. Sometimes I think "oh that guy is good looking" but not in like a gay way it just makes me feel like I'm gay because of these thoghts.. When I think about sex with a guy it just seems weird but with a girl I love it. Idk why I have this thought and I don t know what to do and it s really annoying me and I hate it what should I do? I feel all over the place lol. Do I have OCD or depression or something

Reply 1

gjd800

It's not 'gay' to recognise that someone of the same sex/gender/whatever is good looking. Similarly, we all feel comfortable saying when someone of the same sex/gender/whatever is not good looking. What is the difference in practical terms? Very little, if at all.

Reply 2

username3099438

You don't sound very gay tbh.

Reply 3

markova21

There's a difference between recognising someone is good looking of the same sex and actually fancying them so much you want to kiss them and have sex with them. There must be millions of women out there who think Cindy Crawford is one of the most beautiful women in the world, as indeed she is [ or was when she was younger]. It doesn't mean they all want to get in her knickers though.

Reply 4

fairangel

I had a similar experience a long time ago, almost drove myself crazy and I'm a lady. I now know I'm straight but that's me.

I think if you were gay, you would just know. It's normal how your feeling right now but it will soon pass

Reply 5

Annonymoussir

Okay but like why am I thinking like this then am I depressed or something like I like girls but now when I see a guy I feel weird about myself like I always have to second guess but I don't feel like I want to do anything sexually like kiss or anything idk why this won't leave me alone

Reply 6

Annonymoussir

Original post by fairangel

How did you like get over or forget about it? Did it just pass with time?

Reply 7

fairangel

Original post by Annonymoussir

How did you like get over or forget about it? Did it just pass with time?

I was just going through a confused, isolated time. I didn't have a good experience with guys and didn't met many guys I feel attracted too. Made me have doubts. I know it wasn't me but I was slightly doubting myself. Sex was just on my mind lol and then kept thinking of other women more and more. I almost convinced myself I was because how I felt about men at that time.

I now know I'm not and haven't had them feelings since.

Reply 8

DeepInTheMeadow

Original post by Annonymoussir

Look, it's alright. I doubt that you're gay, it may just feel weird to watch guys kiss to you, and it's also perfectly ok to think another guy is good looking. If you really were gay, I think it would be more clear to you and you don't sound like you are tbh

Reply 9

Anniversary

Original post by Annonymoussir

Your just confused. Stop watching gay porn

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Hi!! I know this post is old but this is for YOU, the viewer if you had the same exact question as the OP.
This is called sexual orientation OCD. It’s when you start doubting and questioning your sexual orientation. Gay people, bisexual and straight people can get it and no you don’t need a background of OCD to get this type. Speaking with a psychiatrist and a therapist would help you but I wouldn’t recommend the NHS because they don’t know how to deal with this type of OCD. Better to go abroad or go private to get the best care. Trust me, I know your pain and worries and the anxiety that keeps you up at night. Just remember, there’s plenty of resources online and I really recommend the YouTuber The One Point who knows a lot about OCD especially Sexual orientation OCDs. There’s also plenty of resources online, you could also download the NOCD app which although I haven’t experienced it, there are good views on it. Good luck and please don’t be scared, you’re that same sexual orientation that you were before those worries and know that it will NEVER change!