How are you feeling right now? MKV

I haven't felt this bad in a while. I'm so f**king stupid, and I am screwed for my exams.

Nah you should be fine; IIRC you mentioned that you did alright in your exams so far? 70% is really not that much, and remember you got 86% last year. Even if you don't do well this year, you could still just put a lot of effort from the start of next year in order to guarantee reasonably high marks in a year that (I think) matters more.
I mean, nothing's holding you back there apart from not deciding to work hard.

Meanwhile I'm screwed in terms of getting a respectable mark. A first, sure, but 70% in first year is a joke. I got 75% in maths by computer (I got 0 in the last 10% assignment Q lol), failed some pretty weighty assignments in prob A and discrete maths and I left my self-study/revision way too late. I've yet to do a single maths question in my revision, only managing to start papers now.

Yeah except Algebra I. In which I answered most hard proofs that actually tested understanding but totally screwed up overall because I couldn't calculate a 4*4 determinant. Probs looking at <60. But the thing is that the term 2 modules are far harder, and I am at the mo trying to learn them rather than revise them really. And they are in like a month. I am sure you will be okay given your Jan exams.

By the way I think I got exactly 75 in MbC with a 0 in the last exercise as well.

I am so ED.

I can guarantee that you got more than 60. If you're anything like me (which I suspect you are) you probably just inflated your mistakes because they were particularly bad, like me with Foundations. Even if not, there should be a fair amount of scaling.

I'm spending less time preparing for 9 exams than I spent for those two exams. Plus those two modules/exams were really straightforward, and I still messed up badly in places.
Lol what a coincidence. I know a guy who straight up just didn't bother to partake in MbC. I considered that, but then I realised that I probably wouldn't even get a first, not because of the mark setback but because I'd have little hope of getting even a decent 80+ score, so I wouldn't even have the little motivation I have now.

I am so ED.

One 11 marker I will be lucky to get 4 on; otherwise I left out entirely two 5 markers and a 3 marker, missed out part of the definition for an abelian group, manically rushed a 6 marker at the end, wrote down and found the SNF of a different matrix to the one actually given in a 5 mark question and scrawled out basically illegible stuff even when I was actually doing things correctly. I think around 70 is my absolute most optimistic hope minus scaling.

Fair enough but personally I found the Summer exams nicer than Analysis Foundations. I am not sure that much time is needed. This was the case with the first half of my exams this year also. But now Metric Spaces and Differentiation and Algebra are going to kill me.

Yeah never a good idea to just skip a core module lol.

How can you miss part of the def for an abelian group, I thought there was only one 'part' to it lol?
Eh, that's kinda bad (70 minus scaling is great for a 'messed up' exam though), but nothing compared to how badly I'll do in discrete maths. Thank god they've just sent out emails for revision lectures, definitely have to go to those.
That's just one module I would say. And you're goal now is just to get a first right, or are you trying to do better than that?

Maybe I'm learning a tonne of stuff that I really don't need to. But it does take a lot of time for me. Remember I'm a lot worse at maths than it seems. You seem to have a fair amount of talent so you managed to do really well with little revision, but I take ages to properly revise a module. The stuff just doesn't intuitively 'click' until I've read it like 50 times over. Once it does I'm generally ok though.

Stressed 😦because of maths.Legit I have the worst teacher ever, when she explains the work in class she fully doesn't know what she's doing. How's she saying to us "I'm learning Alevel maths with you guys", I'm thinking you should know the content fully already. I leave the lesson more confused then when I came in the lesson😳.It's gotten to the point where's I just don't go to my maths lesson and I teach myself the content.

As in the whole thing, not just the qualification abelian, so closed, commutative, associative, identity, inverse. I forgot to say that an identity exists, I only mentioned it in saying that inverse exists. I was rushing, to be fair...

Tbh I wouldn't worry too much about Discrete Maths. I got 80 in it after barely attending lectures and just reading the book a bit. The exam was atrociously hard, or at least it felt so in exam conditions, but that's largely a good thing; it was more about mathematical problem solving ability than knowing the course in and out, it seemed. I mean, I know if I get less than 80, which is likely, I won't be ecstatic in any case, and certainly if I get less than 75, I'll probably be pretty unhappy. But my aspirations will probably be shaped by my exam performance in June. If I totally screw them, then I'll be happy to get a first in the end of course, hell, maybe even to meet the 65% master's threshold if they go really badly.

I mean to properly learn and digest the material would take a long time. I have generally adopted a very cynical approach, looking at lots of exam papers to figure out what is actually necessary for me to be able to do and understand and what I can just ignore. If I have any skill, it is in the art of efficiently and (for the most part) consistently doing well in exams, whether or not I have a true or deep understanding of what they entail.

Sorry I'm cuddling you so hard it's because I don't wanna let go
Hope you get well soon and have a good night sleep
You know how much I love thee, Cavsicle dearest x



Have some more

Aww Cavy, I hope you feel better soon xxx

hope the chest pains stop soon Cavy

Miserable miserable miserable yay

Sick
ill
Uncomfortable
In a crying mood
A little empty

Probably should cry. Then will fall asleep.
Tired

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Brilliant. Well, apart from accidentally smashing a bowl

I saw my CPN today and he said that if he was made to assess and diagnose me on the spot, he wouldn't put a single straightforward diagnosis on me - which is actually amazing news. To go from having numerous, stigmatised labelled on me to an acceptance that 'yeah, I'm odd, I think odd, I act odd, I sometimes hear and see things, and I get horribly depressed sometimes for no reason' is strangely thrilling to me. Sure, I am always going to be different and there is nothing wrong with that at all.

Perhaps it's because I have accepted there is no cure. I am what I am. But guess what that means?

No - more - fricking - horrible - meds - ever.



It's all about relapse prevention etc from here on in. And that's bloody ****ing brilliant. Compared to where I was this time 2 years ago, it definitely is.