Loneliness when single - struggling

Hello,

For the first time in two years I find myself completely single - that is, totally unattached and not seeing anyone in any way.

I've never had a serious relationship - but have been in and out of several semi-serious or casual dating situations.

It has been an emotional roller-coaster, to say the least. I've been bruised, disappointed and hurt one too many times so have decided that now, enough is enough. I need a clean break from it all. I feel so empty from these emotional attachments that never go anywhere. I have loved but never been loved fully in return.

They say it's good to be single when you're 22, as I am. But I feel so lonely. I just want someone to hold at night, you know? Someone to cuddle and someone to share my innermost thoughts with. Obviously I try to be social, chat to friends and family etc. But it's still hard to fill that emotional void.

How can I combat this feeling without getting into another painful situation? I don't want to depend on the attention of a lover for emotional contentment

Reply 1

weeping willow

Why are you relying on another human for your happiness? You need to find a hobby.
I mean no offence but I cannot fathom this feeling.

"emotional void" come on.

Reply 2

AB25

Original post by weeping willow

Why are you relying on another human for your happiness? You need to find a hobby.
I mean no offence but I cannot fathom this feeling.

"emotional void" come on.

I've got a hobby! :smile:

So you've never felt loneliness and like you wanted desperately to have someone to hold?

Reply 3

shawn_o1

Meet people through your hobby?

Reply 4

weeping willow

Original post by AB25

I've got a hobby! :smile:

So you've never felt loneliness and like you wanted desperately to have someone to hold?

So why do you feel lonely?

No. I don't have any desire to hold another human. I never have. Its important to slide through the life without those weird feelings I don't really fathom.

Reply 5

Eternal Anglo

Original post by weeping willow

Why are you relying on another human for your happiness? You need to find a hobby.
I mean no offence but I cannot fathom this feeling.

"emotional void" come on.

Read Ayn Rand.

Reply 6

weeping willow

Original post by Eternal Anglo

Read Ayn Rand.

Quote me again and you will be on my ignore list.

Reply 7

Eternal Anglo

Original post by weeping willow

Quote me again and you will be on my ignore list.

what did I do?

Reply 8

redmau17

Original post by weeping willow

So why do you feel lonely?

No. I don't have any desire to hold another human. I never have. Its important to slide through the life without those weird feelings I don't really fathom.

That's the dream. The biological need to want someone is something I despise. Working hard every day to get it out of my system.

Reply 9

username2981082

Original post by AB25

I've got a hobby! :smile:

So you've never felt loneliness and like you wanted desperately to have someone to hold?

I get more things done when I am on my own. I like being along with my own mind. When we have more time to ourselves we become more self-aware of our behaviour and identity. I don't feel the need for human companionship because I am perfectly satisfied with the way my life is right now.

Reply 10

username1842595

You can have a very busy life and still be lonely. At the end of the day when you're lying in bed thats when it hits you the most.

You need to just keep doing you, OP. Love will enter your life when you least expect it, at least thats what I like to hope.

Reply 11

Tootles

Original post by AB25

I get this. I've been single for eight months (as of today, actually, noticing the date), prior to then I was engaged to a girl for about two and a half years. She ended it because she "couldn't do it any more."

I think there's a point you're missing though, about being hurt. Everyone gets hurt, don't let yourself think you've had anything happen that hasn't happened to everyone else. We've all been hurt, disappointed, bruised, scarred, whatever. I was mentally abused in my first relationship and was in a seriously bad state for quite some time after we broke up. It's happened to a lot of people.

The best thing you can do is keep making friends and talking to them, and take up hobbies or something like that. Reading is good for taking your mind of lineliness.

Other than that, just keep your beans chilled - you're 22, it's not like you've reached the end of the line :p: