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I have an extremely strict muslim family - but I don't believe in Islam.
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The struggle is real.
6 years after you posted that, here I am feeling every single word of your post, as if I had written it. If somehow you end up reading this, please tell me how did it go after this time. You were 19 then (2010), and I'm 20 now (2016). I feel completely stuck and don't see an easy way out of this, as you described. I really want to know how did it go for you.
Original post by Anonymous
sorry for the long post, really have got a lot on my plate.
My family are extremely strict muslims, completely hardcore. Some of their beliefs are jsut so completely wrong and immoral in my opinion (i'm not saying that islam is wrong or immoral - I don't believe that these particular beliefs have any place in the religion). But i go through everyday of my life pretending i believe the same things, because if i didn't i'd be kicked out and disowned, or beaten or whatever - i have no idea, i just no it would be extremely extremely bad, there's no way they'd ever accept it.
But i don't have the means to leave home and support myself and more importantly, i don't have the courage to do it. I'm starting uni in october, and my parents are working so hard to help finance it since we're not very wealthy. But i don't want them to - i don't want to owe them anything more, i feel so bad about wanting to leave. But they've completely and absolutely controlled my life. I've never had a social life much because i've never been allowed out with friends, I've had to lie jsut to go to the cinema, or even to the park. Most of the friends i do have are distant, and i don't blame them, if i'm never around then i can hardly be a good friend. They don't understand that i can't help it, and that as pathetic as it sounds, they're the only friends i really have.
My muslim friends would completely reject me too - i'd be hated by most of them. I feel like i'm completely stuck leading this life, and i'm so damn miserable. I can't even ask any girls i like out, the most social interaction i've had on my gap year is through facebook, and my parents are constantly screaming and shouting at me, having a complete go at me. They treat me like i'm 5 years old, completely controlling my life, and yet have a go at me for not being mature etc
They've always fought too, and I mean physically as well, which ahs resulted in me completely hating my dad. I once tried to protect my mum - she ended up not talking to me because i showed my dad "disrespect". He's not had a job for years - he runs an islamic bookshop which barely breaks even.
I feel like i'm going crazy. I can't tell anyone this, they either don't understand, think i'm pathetic or would completely hate me for it. I just want to be able to live my own life. They expect me to get married in a few years (i'm 19) and move in and look after them and basically let them carry on dictating my life. I have no intention of doing that - but i can't see any possible way to break free of them, and it's incredibly difficult to just up and leave the people who have provided for you for 19 years.
It's made me a complete wreck - i've become good at hiding my feelings - i have a reputation as someone who's always happy and constantly joking, ironically the guy other people rely on and go to for advice. I tried to tell a friend i was actually miserable the otehr day - he thought i was joking.
my life is a complete mess. i don't even feel like it is my life. I'm constantly lying and manipulating people to hide my true beliefs, and I feel like a complete coward.
My family are extremely strict muslims, completely hardcore. Some of their beliefs are jsut so completely wrong and immoral in my opinion (i'm not saying that islam is wrong or immoral - I don't believe that these particular beliefs have any place in the religion). But i go through everyday of my life pretending i believe the same things, because if i didn't i'd be kicked out and disowned, or beaten or whatever - i have no idea, i just no it would be extremely extremely bad, there's no way they'd ever accept it.
But i don't have the means to leave home and support myself and more importantly, i don't have the courage to do it. I'm starting uni in october, and my parents are working so hard to help finance it since we're not very wealthy. But i don't want them to - i don't want to owe them anything more, i feel so bad about wanting to leave. But they've completely and absolutely controlled my life. I've never had a social life much because i've never been allowed out with friends, I've had to lie jsut to go to the cinema, or even to the park. Most of the friends i do have are distant, and i don't blame them, if i'm never around then i can hardly be a good friend. They don't understand that i can't help it, and that as pathetic as it sounds, they're the only friends i really have.
My muslim friends would completely reject me too - i'd be hated by most of them. I feel like i'm completely stuck leading this life, and i'm so damn miserable. I can't even ask any girls i like out, the most social interaction i've had on my gap year is through facebook, and my parents are constantly screaming and shouting at me, having a complete go at me. They treat me like i'm 5 years old, completely controlling my life, and yet have a go at me for not being mature etc
They've always fought too, and I mean physically as well, which ahs resulted in me completely hating my dad. I once tried to protect my mum - she ended up not talking to me because i showed my dad "disrespect". He's not had a job for years - he runs an islamic bookshop which barely breaks even.
I feel like i'm going crazy. I can't tell anyone this, they either don't understand, think i'm pathetic or would completely hate me for it. I just want to be able to live my own life. They expect me to get married in a few years (i'm 19) and move in and look after them and basically let them carry on dictating my life. I have no intention of doing that - but i can't see any possible way to break free of them, and it's incredibly difficult to just up and leave the people who have provided for you for 19 years.
It's made me a complete wreck - i've become good at hiding my feelings - i have a reputation as someone who's always happy and constantly joking, ironically the guy other people rely on and go to for advice. I tried to tell a friend i was actually miserable the otehr day - he thought i was joking.
my life is a complete mess. i don't even feel like it is my life. I'm constantly lying and manipulating people to hide my true beliefs, and I feel like a complete coward.
Here's what you have to do: go to university, get your degree, leave and start a new life however you want. For now, you can use the TSR, you can use the internet, so you can cope. Stick with your family, go through university and once your education is complete you can do whatever you want. Oh, I see, it was posted in 2010, so, nevermind, how did it go?
(edited 7 years ago)
I actually cried wen I red this.Im a Muslim girl and life sucks.I can't go any where with my friends like a normal kid,I can't wear "too" much makeup,I want to be a singer believe it or not, but I just am sick of life too.I want to runaway but I am 12.I know your gonna laugh.Im planning on leaving 7 years time or something but let me tell you something.Muslim strict parents don't know how you feel and they think they do know how you feel.Sometimes...Life sucks man but wen ur a little older,they can't file a report to a police Coz ur old enough to stride on your own.Keep your head high and "enjoy" while your there.Coz afterwards you can leave 😉
I know this is an older post but I hope everything worked out for you - If you are still stuck with them just remember that they chose to bring you in to this world so it is their responsibility to raise you.. You don't owe them anything for that and you never asked to be born so therefore should not feel bad <3
I know how you feel. My advice is to stand up to your parents, don't let them push you around since you are 19, if you live in the U.S. then you can legally support yourself and you can move out of the house. Your parents will be mad at first but they are still your parents and they still love you. They will except you.
That's true, Islam opposes domestic violence and enforcement.
Lool who resurrected this thread!?!
Sick!
Sick!
Original post by Anonymous
sorry for the long post, really have got a lot on my plate.
My family are extremely strict muslims, completely hardcore. Some of their beliefs are jsut so completely wrong and immoral in my opinion (i'm not saying that islam is wrong or immoral - I don't believe that these particular beliefs have any place in the religion). But i go through everyday of my life pretending i believe the same things, because if i didn't i'd be kicked out and disowned, or beaten or whatever - i have no idea, i just no it would be extremely extremely bad, there's no way they'd ever accept it.
But i don't have the means to leave home and support myself and more importantly, i don't have the courage to do it. I'm starting uni in october, and my parents are working so hard to help finance it since we're not very wealthy. But i don't want them to - i don't want to owe them anything more, i feel so bad about wanting to leave. But they've completely and absolutely controlled my life. I've never had a social life much because i've never been allowed out with friends, I've had to lie jsut to go to the cinema, or even to the park. Most of the friends i do have are distant, and i don't blame them, if i'm never around then i can hardly be a good friend. They don't understand that i can't help it, and that as pathetic as it sounds, they're the only friends i really have.
My muslim friends would completely reject me too - i'd be hated by most of them. I feel like i'm completely stuck leading this life, and i'm so damn miserable. I can't even ask any girls i like out, the most social interaction i've had on my gap year is through facebook, and my parents are constantly screaming and shouting at me, having a complete go at me. They treat me like i'm 5 years old, completely controlling my life, and yet have a go at me for not being mature etc
They've always fought too, and I mean physically as well, which ahs resulted in me completely hating my dad. I once tried to protect my mum - she ended up not talking to me because i showed my dad "disrespect". He's not had a job for years - he runs an islamic bookshop which barely breaks even.
I feel like i'm going crazy. I can't tell anyone this, they either don't understand, think i'm pathetic or would completely hate me for it. I just want to be able to live my own life. They expect me to get married in a few years (i'm 19) and move in and look after them and basically let them carry on dictating my life. I have no intention of doing that - but i can't see any possible way to break free of them, and it's incredibly difficult to just up and leave the people who have provided for you for 19 years.
It's made me a complete wreck - i've become good at hiding my feelings - i have a reputation as someone who's always happy and constantly joking, ironically the guy other people rely on and go to for advice. I tried to tell a friend i was actually miserable the otehr day - he thought i was joking.
my life is a complete mess. i don't even feel like it is my life. I'm constantly lying and manipulating people to hide my true beliefs, and I feel like a complete coward.
My family are extremely strict muslims, completely hardcore. Some of their beliefs are jsut so completely wrong and immoral in my opinion (i'm not saying that islam is wrong or immoral - I don't believe that these particular beliefs have any place in the religion). But i go through everyday of my life pretending i believe the same things, because if i didn't i'd be kicked out and disowned, or beaten or whatever - i have no idea, i just no it would be extremely extremely bad, there's no way they'd ever accept it.
But i don't have the means to leave home and support myself and more importantly, i don't have the courage to do it. I'm starting uni in october, and my parents are working so hard to help finance it since we're not very wealthy. But i don't want them to - i don't want to owe them anything more, i feel so bad about wanting to leave. But they've completely and absolutely controlled my life. I've never had a social life much because i've never been allowed out with friends, I've had to lie jsut to go to the cinema, or even to the park. Most of the friends i do have are distant, and i don't blame them, if i'm never around then i can hardly be a good friend. They don't understand that i can't help it, and that as pathetic as it sounds, they're the only friends i really have.
My muslim friends would completely reject me too - i'd be hated by most of them. I feel like i'm completely stuck leading this life, and i'm so damn miserable. I can't even ask any girls i like out, the most social interaction i've had on my gap year is through facebook, and my parents are constantly screaming and shouting at me, having a complete go at me. They treat me like i'm 5 years old, completely controlling my life, and yet have a go at me for not being mature etc
They've always fought too, and I mean physically as well, which ahs resulted in me completely hating my dad. I once tried to protect my mum - she ended up not talking to me because i showed my dad "disrespect". He's not had a job for years - he runs an islamic bookshop which barely breaks even.
I feel like i'm going crazy. I can't tell anyone this, they either don't understand, think i'm pathetic or would completely hate me for it. I just want to be able to live my own life. They expect me to get married in a few years (i'm 19) and move in and look after them and basically let them carry on dictating my life. I have no intention of doing that - but i can't see any possible way to break free of them, and it's incredibly difficult to just up and leave the people who have provided for you for 19 years.
It's made me a complete wreck - i've become good at hiding my feelings - i have a reputation as someone who's always happy and constantly joking, ironically the guy other people rely on and go to for advice. I tried to tell a friend i was actually miserable the otehr day - he thought i was joking.
my life is a complete mess. i don't even feel like it is my life. I'm constantly lying and manipulating people to hide my true beliefs, and I feel like a complete coward.
Join the club. You WILL NOT BE ALLOWED TO LEAVE. Good luck...
I am sorry,
I am a Muslim teenager and I am sorry on behalf of your friends and family.
I am sorry that your family has mixed culture with Islam.
I am sorry that your family is representing the religion of love with hate.
Muhammad(saw), he did not force people to accept Islam,but rather they fell in love with Islam through his actions. I am sorry
Something that no Muslim confesses is that at some point they had doubts about Islam.
Its great to see you being open this topic but unfortunately this society,our culture has taken Islam wrongly, and this is the reason we have people leaving Islam.
As a Muslim teenager, I think the main problem we face is that we get restrictions without a proper explanation. For example Hijab,years back I was like, "why do we wear Hijab? I mean come on its 21st century" or at one point i even thought Islam oppresses women but I was scared to ask these Questions and even If I would they would be totally Illogical. So i researched, I found out that Khadija(RA) was one of the first business women of her time and slowly all my doubts vanished.
But i believe that you have already made your decision,as a Muslim i ask you to please not judge islam based on your friends or families behavior rather judge it through our Prophet(saw)
I am a Muslim teenager and I am sorry on behalf of your friends and family.
I am sorry that your family has mixed culture with Islam.
I am sorry that your family is representing the religion of love with hate.
Muhammad(saw), he did not force people to accept Islam,but rather they fell in love with Islam through his actions. I am sorry
Something that no Muslim confesses is that at some point they had doubts about Islam.
Its great to see you being open this topic but unfortunately this society,our culture has taken Islam wrongly, and this is the reason we have people leaving Islam.
As a Muslim teenager, I think the main problem we face is that we get restrictions without a proper explanation. For example Hijab,years back I was like, "why do we wear Hijab? I mean come on its 21st century" or at one point i even thought Islam oppresses women but I was scared to ask these Questions and even If I would they would be totally Illogical. So i researched, I found out that Khadija(RA) was one of the first business women of her time and slowly all my doubts vanished.
But i believe that you have already made your decision,as a Muslim i ask you to please not judge islam based on your friends or families behavior rather judge it through our Prophet(saw)
A lot of this is relatable...it's scary. But I still believe in Islam. Don't think that's the fault. It's the people, me etc
7 years later... tell me, what has changed
Original post by Anonymous
sorry for the long post, really have got a lot on my plate.
My family are extremely strict muslims, completely hardcore. Some of their beliefs are jsut so completely wrong and immoral in my opinion (i'm not saying that islam is wrong or immoral - I don't believe that these particular beliefs have any place in the religion). But i go through everyday of my life pretending i believe the same things, because if i didn't i'd be kicked out and disowned, or beaten or whatever - i have no idea, i just no it would be extremely extremely bad, there's no way they'd ever accept it.
But i don't have the means to leave home and support myself and more importantly, i don't have the courage to do it. I'm starting uni in october, and my parents are working so hard to help finance it since we're not very wealthy. But i don't want them to - i don't want to owe them anything more, i feel so bad about wanting to leave. But they've completely and absolutely controlled my life. I've never had a social life much because i've never been allowed out with friends, I've had to lie jsut to go to the cinema, or even to the park. Most of the friends i do have are distant, and i don't blame them, if i'm never around then i can hardly be a good friend. They don't understand that i can't help it, and that as pathetic as it sounds, they're the only friends i really have.
My muslim friends would completely reject me too - i'd be hated by most of them. I feel like i'm completely stuck leading this life, and i'm so damn miserable. I can't even ask any girls i like out, the most social interaction i've had on my gap year is through facebook, and my parents are constantly screaming and shouting at me, having a complete go at me. They treat me like i'm 5 years old, completely controlling my life, and yet have a go at me for not being mature etc
They've always fought too, and I mean physically as well, which ahs resulted in me completely hating my dad. I once tried to protect my mum - she ended up not talking to me because i showed my dad "disrespect". He's not had a job for years - he runs an islamic bookshop which barely breaks even.
I feel like i'm going crazy. I can't tell anyone this, they either don't understand, think i'm pathetic or would completely hate me for it. I just want to be able to live my own life. They expect me to get married in a few years (i'm 19) and move in and look after them and basically let them carry on dictating my life. I have no intention of doing that - but i can't see any possible way to break free of them, and it's incredibly difficult to just up and leave the people who have provided for you for 19 years.
It's made me a complete wreck - i've become good at hiding my feelings - i have a reputation as someone who's always happy and constantly joking, ironically the guy other people rely on and go to for advice. I tried to tell a friend i was actually miserable the otehr day - he thought i was joking.
my life is a complete mess. i don't even feel like it is my life. I'm constantly lying and manipulating people to hide my true beliefs, and I feel like a complete coward.
My family are extremely strict muslims, completely hardcore. Some of their beliefs are jsut so completely wrong and immoral in my opinion (i'm not saying that islam is wrong or immoral - I don't believe that these particular beliefs have any place in the religion). But i go through everyday of my life pretending i believe the same things, because if i didn't i'd be kicked out and disowned, or beaten or whatever - i have no idea, i just no it would be extremely extremely bad, there's no way they'd ever accept it.
But i don't have the means to leave home and support myself and more importantly, i don't have the courage to do it. I'm starting uni in october, and my parents are working so hard to help finance it since we're not very wealthy. But i don't want them to - i don't want to owe them anything more, i feel so bad about wanting to leave. But they've completely and absolutely controlled my life. I've never had a social life much because i've never been allowed out with friends, I've had to lie jsut to go to the cinema, or even to the park. Most of the friends i do have are distant, and i don't blame them, if i'm never around then i can hardly be a good friend. They don't understand that i can't help it, and that as pathetic as it sounds, they're the only friends i really have.
My muslim friends would completely reject me too - i'd be hated by most of them. I feel like i'm completely stuck leading this life, and i'm so damn miserable. I can't even ask any girls i like out, the most social interaction i've had on my gap year is through facebook, and my parents are constantly screaming and shouting at me, having a complete go at me. They treat me like i'm 5 years old, completely controlling my life, and yet have a go at me for not being mature etc
They've always fought too, and I mean physically as well, which ahs resulted in me completely hating my dad. I once tried to protect my mum - she ended up not talking to me because i showed my dad "disrespect". He's not had a job for years - he runs an islamic bookshop which barely breaks even.
I feel like i'm going crazy. I can't tell anyone this, they either don't understand, think i'm pathetic or would completely hate me for it. I just want to be able to live my own life. They expect me to get married in a few years (i'm 19) and move in and look after them and basically let them carry on dictating my life. I have no intention of doing that - but i can't see any possible way to break free of them, and it's incredibly difficult to just up and leave the people who have provided for you for 19 years.
It's made me a complete wreck - i've become good at hiding my feelings - i have a reputation as someone who's always happy and constantly joking, ironically the guy other people rely on and go to for advice. I tried to tell a friend i was actually miserable the otehr day - he thought i was joking.
my life is a complete mess. i don't even feel like it is my life. I'm constantly lying and manipulating people to hide my true beliefs, and I feel like a complete coward.
Awwww I feel the same way, I sympathise with you, its soooooooooooo hard
I joined islam while at law school. My mom was castigated by her peers becoz we were catholics. She replied "He will remain my son. He has been kind to people and respectful. He has been dutiful to me. He does not drink or "chase girls"..."neither does he steal"... The only thing thats going to change about him is praying, fasting, and going to Hijja. Otherwise, he will remain my son". Islam cannot make you what you are not...It cannot be said "that man was kind until he became a muslim". There are kind muslims, unkind muslims; quarrelsome, nagging muslim wives/husbands. If your father behaves as he is doing...thats not because he is a muslim. Thats his character. Thats what he grew up seeing his father do to his children and wife. I am a muslim in Uganda. I may marry up to 4 wives. But at my wedding i promised my wife that for as long as we are married, it will be only the 2 of us. I can NEVER HIT MY WIFE EVER. MY FATHER NEVER DID IT TO MY MOM. BUT I KNOW MANY MUSLIM SHEIKHS WHO HIT THEIR WIVES... WHO OBSESSIVELY SEEK CONTROL OVER THEIR KIDS...I AM VERY LIBERAL WITH MY NIECES/NEPHEWS WHOM I SOMETIMES STAY WITH AT MY HOME.....
Islam is more about community and the strength you get from THAT community. Just concentrate on being a good person. DO NOT LEAVE YOUR FAITH...EVEN AS YOU WEAKEN IN YOUR PRACTICE ... GO MAKE NEW FRIENDS...AVOID "EXPERIMENTALISM" ("let me try drinking" "gambling" "sleeping with as many girls as possible"....YOU WILL NOT FIND PEACE THEREIN EITHER....AT THE END OF THE DAY....IT IS YOU; YOUR LIFE; YOUR THOUGHTS WHEN YOU LIE IN BED AT NIGHT (you may be lonely even if your are in bed with someone)...OR WHEN YOU ARE BY YOURSELF... Do not let the mistakes/character of your parents remove you from Islam. You would have made the greatest mistake of your life...
Islam is more about community and the strength you get from THAT community. Just concentrate on being a good person. DO NOT LEAVE YOUR FAITH...EVEN AS YOU WEAKEN IN YOUR PRACTICE ... GO MAKE NEW FRIENDS...AVOID "EXPERIMENTALISM" ("let me try drinking" "gambling" "sleeping with as many girls as possible"....YOU WILL NOT FIND PEACE THEREIN EITHER....AT THE END OF THE DAY....IT IS YOU; YOUR LIFE; YOUR THOUGHTS WHEN YOU LIE IN BED AT NIGHT (you may be lonely even if your are in bed with someone)...OR WHEN YOU ARE BY YOURSELF... Do not let the mistakes/character of your parents remove you from Islam. You would have made the greatest mistake of your life...
(edited 6 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
sorry for the long post, really have got a lot on my plate.
My family are extremely strict muslims, completely hardcore. Some of their beliefs are jsut so completely wrong and immoral in my opinion (i'm not saying that islam is wrong or immoral - I don't believe that these particular beliefs have any place in the religion). But i go through everyday of my life pretending i believe the same things, because if i didn't i'd be kicked out and disowned, or beaten or whatever - i have no idea, i just no it would be extremely extremely bad, there's no way they'd ever accept it.
But i don't have the means to leave home and support myself and more importantly, i don't have the courage to do it. I'm starting uni in october, and my parents are working so hard to help finance it since we're not very wealthy. But i don't want them to - i don't want to owe them anything more, i feel so bad about wanting to leave. But they've completely and absolutely controlled my life. I've never had a social life much because i've never been allowed out with friends, I've had to lie jsut to go to the cinema, or even to the park. Most of the friends i do have are distant, and i don't blame them, if i'm never around then i can hardly be a good friend. They don't understand that i can't help it, and that as pathetic as it sounds, they're the only friends i really have.
My muslim friends would completely reject me too - i'd be hated by most of them. I feel like i'm completely stuck leading this life, and i'm so damn miserable. I can't even ask any girls i like out, the most social interaction i've had on my gap year is through facebook, and my parents are constantly screaming and shouting at me, having a complete go at me. They treat me like i'm 5 years old, completely controlling my life, and yet have a go at me for not being mature etc
They've always fought too, and I mean physically as well, which ahs resulted in me completely hating my dad. I once tried to protect my mum - she ended up not talking to me because i showed my dad "disrespect". He's not had a job for years - he runs an islamic bookshop which barely breaks even.
I feel like i'm going crazy. I can't tell anyone this, they either don't understand, think i'm pathetic or would completely hate me for it. I just want to be able to live my own life. They expect me to get married in a few years (i'm 19) and move in and look after them and basically let them carry on dictating my life. I have no intention of doing that - but i can't see any possible way to break free of them, and it's incredibly difficult to just up and leave the people who have provided for you for 19 years.
It's made me a complete wreck - i've become good at hiding my feelings - i have a reputation as someone who's always happy and constantly joking, ironically the guy other people rely on and go to for advice. I tried to tell a friend i was actually miserable the otehr day - he thought i was joking.
my life is a complete mess. i don't even feel like it is my life. I'm constantly lying and manipulating people to hide my true beliefs, and I feel like a complete coward.
My family are extremely strict muslims, completely hardcore. Some of their beliefs are jsut so completely wrong and immoral in my opinion (i'm not saying that islam is wrong or immoral - I don't believe that these particular beliefs have any place in the religion). But i go through everyday of my life pretending i believe the same things, because if i didn't i'd be kicked out and disowned, or beaten or whatever - i have no idea, i just no it would be extremely extremely bad, there's no way they'd ever accept it.
But i don't have the means to leave home and support myself and more importantly, i don't have the courage to do it. I'm starting uni in october, and my parents are working so hard to help finance it since we're not very wealthy. But i don't want them to - i don't want to owe them anything more, i feel so bad about wanting to leave. But they've completely and absolutely controlled my life. I've never had a social life much because i've never been allowed out with friends, I've had to lie jsut to go to the cinema, or even to the park. Most of the friends i do have are distant, and i don't blame them, if i'm never around then i can hardly be a good friend. They don't understand that i can't help it, and that as pathetic as it sounds, they're the only friends i really have.
My muslim friends would completely reject me too - i'd be hated by most of them. I feel like i'm completely stuck leading this life, and i'm so damn miserable. I can't even ask any girls i like out, the most social interaction i've had on my gap year is through facebook, and my parents are constantly screaming and shouting at me, having a complete go at me. They treat me like i'm 5 years old, completely controlling my life, and yet have a go at me for not being mature etc
They've always fought too, and I mean physically as well, which ahs resulted in me completely hating my dad. I once tried to protect my mum - she ended up not talking to me because i showed my dad "disrespect". He's not had a job for years - he runs an islamic bookshop which barely breaks even.
I feel like i'm going crazy. I can't tell anyone this, they either don't understand, think i'm pathetic or would completely hate me for it. I just want to be able to live my own life. They expect me to get married in a few years (i'm 19) and move in and look after them and basically let them carry on dictating my life. I have no intention of doing that - but i can't see any possible way to break free of them, and it's incredibly difficult to just up and leave the people who have provided for you for 19 years.
It's made me a complete wreck - i've become good at hiding my feelings - i have a reputation as someone who's always happy and constantly joking, ironically the guy other people rely on and go to for advice. I tried to tell a friend i was actually miserable the otehr day - he thought i was joking.
my life is a complete mess. i don't even feel like it is my life. I'm constantly lying and manipulating people to hide my true beliefs, and I feel like a complete coward.
Hi OP - I'm sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time at home. My experience was extremely similar, except I am a girl, so there is the added pressure of "keeping my purity and dignity" etc.
The best thing I suggest you do, as others have suggested before me, is to go to a uni that is a bit further from home so you can move out, and then you will start to have your freedom. My life completely changed for the better after starting uni - I actually have close friends! I can wear what I want! I can socialise! And I guarantee it will be the same for you, if it is possible for you to move out in order to study.
Enjoy uni, spend time with friends - but never let the freedom go to your head. It's extremely liberating to go from such a controlling environment into the complete opposite, where you are your own boss and you can choose how to spend your time. However if you're not used to having such freedom, it can be easy to get carried away (eg going out too much, lots of late nights etc). Remember you will be at uni, primarily, to get a degree. So set yourself a goal to work hard at it, and the idea of getting a good job and becoming financially independent from your parents can be your motivation.
Once you've got your own income, then you're pretty much free to do what you like, and if your parents cut you off you won't need them anyway at that point.
Good luck
Original post by Anonymous
sorry for the long post, really have got a lot on my plate.
My family are extremely strict muslims, completely hardcore. Some of their beliefs are jsut so completely wrong and immoral in my opinion (i'm not saying that islam is wrong or immoral - I don't believe that these particular beliefs have any place in the religion). But i go through everyday of my life pretending i believe the same things, because if i didn't i'd be kicked out and disowned, or beaten or whatever - i have no idea, i just no it would be extremely extremely bad, there's no way they'd ever accept it.
But i don't have the means to leave home and support myself and more importantly, i don't have the courage to do it. I'm starting uni in october, and my parents are working so hard to help finance it since we're not very wealthy. But i don't want them to - i don't want to owe them anything more, i feel so bad about wanting to leave. But they've completely and absolutely controlled my life. I've never had a social life much because i've never been allowed out with friends, I've had to lie jsut to go to the cinema, or even to the park. Most of the friends i do have are distant, and i don't blame them, if i'm never around then i can hardly be a good friend. They don't understand that i can't help it, and that as pathetic as it sounds, they're the only friends i really have.
My muslim friends would completely reject me too - i'd be hated by most of them. I feel like i'm completely stuck leading this life, and i'm so damn miserable. I can't even ask any girls i like out, the most social interaction i've had on my gap year is through facebook, and my parents are constantly screaming and shouting at me, having a complete go at me. They treat me like i'm 5 years old, completely controlling my life, and yet have a go at me for not being mature etc
They've always fought too, and I mean physically as well, which ahs resulted in me completely hating my dad. I once tried to protect my mum - she ended up not talking to me because i showed my dad "disrespect". He's not had a job for years - he runs an islamic bookshop which barely breaks even.
I feel like i'm going crazy. I can't tell anyone this, they either don't understand, think i'm pathetic or would completely hate me for it. I just want to be able to live my own life. They expect me to get married in a few years (i'm 19) and move in and look after them and basically let them carry on dictating my life. I have no intention of doing that - but i can't see any possible way to break free of them, and it's incredibly difficult to just up and leave the people who have provided for you for 19 years.
It's made me a complete wreck - i've become good at hiding my feelings - i have a reputation as someone who's always happy and constantly joking, ironically the guy other people rely on and go to for advice. I tried to tell a friend i was actually miserable the otehr day - he thought i was joking.
my life is a complete mess. i don't even feel like it is my life. I'm constantly lying and manipulating people to hide my true beliefs, and I feel like a complete coward.
My family are extremely strict muslims, completely hardcore. Some of their beliefs are jsut so completely wrong and immoral in my opinion (i'm not saying that islam is wrong or immoral - I don't believe that these particular beliefs have any place in the religion). But i go through everyday of my life pretending i believe the same things, because if i didn't i'd be kicked out and disowned, or beaten or whatever - i have no idea, i just no it would be extremely extremely bad, there's no way they'd ever accept it.
But i don't have the means to leave home and support myself and more importantly, i don't have the courage to do it. I'm starting uni in october, and my parents are working so hard to help finance it since we're not very wealthy. But i don't want them to - i don't want to owe them anything more, i feel so bad about wanting to leave. But they've completely and absolutely controlled my life. I've never had a social life much because i've never been allowed out with friends, I've had to lie jsut to go to the cinema, or even to the park. Most of the friends i do have are distant, and i don't blame them, if i'm never around then i can hardly be a good friend. They don't understand that i can't help it, and that as pathetic as it sounds, they're the only friends i really have.
My muslim friends would completely reject me too - i'd be hated by most of them. I feel like i'm completely stuck leading this life, and i'm so damn miserable. I can't even ask any girls i like out, the most social interaction i've had on my gap year is through facebook, and my parents are constantly screaming and shouting at me, having a complete go at me. They treat me like i'm 5 years old, completely controlling my life, and yet have a go at me for not being mature etc
They've always fought too, and I mean physically as well, which ahs resulted in me completely hating my dad. I once tried to protect my mum - she ended up not talking to me because i showed my dad "disrespect". He's not had a job for years - he runs an islamic bookshop which barely breaks even.
I feel like i'm going crazy. I can't tell anyone this, they either don't understand, think i'm pathetic or would completely hate me for it. I just want to be able to live my own life. They expect me to get married in a few years (i'm 19) and move in and look after them and basically let them carry on dictating my life. I have no intention of doing that - but i can't see any possible way to break free of them, and it's incredibly difficult to just up and leave the people who have provided for you for 19 years.
It's made me a complete wreck - i've become good at hiding my feelings - i have a reputation as someone who's always happy and constantly joking, ironically the guy other people rely on and go to for advice. I tried to tell a friend i was actually miserable the otehr day - he thought i was joking.
my life is a complete mess. i don't even feel like it is my life. I'm constantly lying and manipulating people to hide my true beliefs, and I feel like a complete coward.
I can't even begin to imagine being in a situation like this. But I can try to offer you advice, and I hope it helps. Even if it doesn't, just know that many people on here are supporting you and wishing the best for you.
I think you should go to Uni, but not live at home. Get through Uni, get a job, and once you know you can support yourself, break away from them. Maybe even work part time during uni to save up. Just make sure that you are in no way financially dependent on them before you do break away.
I have known people who have broken away from their families during uni, and the family has subsequently withdrawn financial support, leaving them in a nasty mess. I know there are support systems for cases like this, but it's really tough. It sounds horrible, almost like I'm saying 'go on playacting until they've paid for uni and then get out' but sometimes that's what you have to do for self preservation. Maybe you can even pay them back over time so as to be completely free of guilt.
Good luck to you!
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