I'm terrified of having sex.

I've been seeing this girl and she tried to initiate sex with me. I was fine at first but then when she tried to take my clothes off I panicked and told her to stop. I was close to having a panic attack. I don't know what to do. I'm 20 and I don't want to be a virgin forever but when it comes to actually having sex I can't do it. I feel like I'm doing something wrong and ashamed of myself when I try to do it. How do I get past this?

grow some balls

OP

Original post by JordLndr

grow some balls

I can't. I'm a girl.

Reply 3

username3025040

15

Tfw you can't help bc you're the exact same, if not worse :ashamed2:

I have some kinda intimacy anxiety.

Maybe you're just not ready?

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by orderofthelotus

Tfw you can't help bc you're the exact same, if not worse :ashamed2:

I have some kinda intimacy anxiety.

Maybe you're just not ready?

In my head I think I am ready but when it comes to doing it I get scared. I feel weird showing my body to someone.

Reply 5

apeshit007

2

Original post by Anonymous

I've been seeing this girl and she tried to initiate sex with me. I was fine at first but then when she tried to take my clothes off I panicked and told her to stop. I was close to having a panic attack. I don't know what to do. I'm 20 and I don't want to be a virgin forever but when it comes to actually having sex I can't do it. I feel like I'm doing something wrong and ashamed of myself when I try to do it. How do I get past this?

Do you like chocolate?

Reply 6

username3456292

13

Original post by Anonymous

I can't. I'm a girl.

Alright Sherlock. Ever heard of metaphorical speech?

Reply 7

3121

21

It would’ve been helpful to mention that you’re a lesbian, you kind of implied you were male by not implying you were gay/a girl.

Anyway, even though I’m a guy I can relate. Something similar happened to me a few months ago, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to have spontaneous hook ups, I’d probably have to get to know her and do the whole dating thing first. Even though I knew this girl quite well, I just wasn’t in my comfort zone with her. It just felt wrong, it’s either you or the person, in my case it was a bit of both - It was the person because I wasn’t strongly into her and I did like her at one point but went off her, if she tried it a month earlier I might’ve gone ahead. And it was on my side because I need to be in my comfort zone with that person before getting naked with them. I genuinely freaked out though, I’m 99% sure it was a panic attack.

Reply 8

Twinpeaks

18

Original post by zayn008

It would’ve been helpful to mention that you’re a lesbian, you kind of implied you were male by not implying you were gay/a girl.

Anyway, even though I’m a guy I can relate. Something similar happened to me a few months ago, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to have spontaneous hook ups, I’d probably have to get to know her and do the whole dating thing first. Even though I knew this girl quite well, I just wasn’t in my comfort zone with her. It just felt wrong, it’s either you or the person, in my case it was a bit of both - It was the person because I wasn’t strongly into her and I did like her at one point but went off her, if she tried it a month earlier I might’ve gone ahead. And it was on my side because I need to be in my comfort zone with that person before getting naked with them. I genuinely freaked out though, I’m 99% sure it was a panic attack.

Did you feel like you were going to die?

Reply 9

Infraspecies

16

Identify why you are panicking to begin with, then try to address the problem.

You say you feel ashamed and that you feel you're doing wrong. Is this some form of latent homophobia, perhaps, either endorsed by our collective or your familial culture? If so, can you mentally justify why you shouldn't be phased by those sorts of negative biases?
Or perhaps, do you feel nervous of being vulnerable when another person is present and you're in an intimate situation? If so, perhaps think of the worst and best case scenarios of going through with having sex with this girl: is she likely to hurt you more than it is likely that you'll just have a fun time?
Is this issue more specific to the person/environment you're currently in? For example, is one of you in a different emotional relationship, or do you feel like you'd be betraying someone else if you had sex with her?

Just some things to get thinking on. Understanding our thought processes is very important, and analysing why we feel certain ways (and whether or not our feelings are rational or even relevant) can have a huge effect on how we conduct ourselves.

Hope you get past it, sex is okay.

Reply 10

S.G.

22

Original post by JordLndr

grow some balls

Original post by Anonymous

I can't. I'm a girl.

😂😂😂

Reply 11

3121

21

Original post by Twinpeaks

Did you feel like you were going to die?

When she first tried initiating it the heavy feeling I had in my chest did make me feel like I was gonna die and I also couldn’t breathe at first which made it worse. My heart was just pounding but I couldn’t catch my breath, I’ve had panic attacks before, same symptoms but just a different overall feeling which is why I’m only 99% sure, maybe it was just overwhelming…

Reply 12

Reality Check

22

Original post by Anonymous

I can't. I'm a girl.

LOL - brilliantly answered.

Reply 13

The RAR

21

Original post by Anonymous

I can't. I'm a girl.

Wait you tried to have sex with a girl but you are a girl yourself? Are you lesbian?

Reply 14

username3456292

13

Original post by SGHD26716

😂😂😂

Lmao as if I was supposed to know, posting Anon doesn't help either 😂

Reply 15

The RAR

21

OMG Such a funny video!

Reply 16

S.G.

22

The actual f#ck was that?
😂😂😂

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by zayn008

It would’ve been helpful to mention that you’re a lesbian, you kind of implied you were male by not implying you were gay/a girl.

Anyway, even though I’m a guy I can relate. Something similar happened to me a few months ago, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to have spontaneous hook ups, I’d probably have to get to know her and do the whole dating thing first. Even though I knew this girl quite well, I just wasn’t in my comfort zone with her. It just felt wrong, it’s either you or the person, in my case it was a bit of both - It was the person because I wasn’t strongly into her and I did like her at one point but went off her, if she tried it a month earlier I might’ve gone ahead. And it was on my side because I need to be in my comfort zone with that person before getting naked with them. I genuinely freaked out though, I’m 99% sure it was a panic attack.

I see what you mean about comfort zones. I didn't really feel a connection to the girl so that probably made it more difficult for me to go through with it.