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Please help me with this!

I need help about this girl – let’s call her Jae. This is very long and I can’t make a TL;DR version. So if, you don’t want a long read, this thread isn’t for you

I met Jae (she’s 30 years old and I am 25 years old) online May of this year on Tinder. I told her – like every other girl I meet on tinder – that I just want to smash. But she told me that she isn’t like any other girl and that I should treat her like a girl that is smart and more than just a body. We started talking and she started asking me about my education (which was made her realise that I much be smart and not just a horny guy), my music ambitions, and my poetry.

From day one, we got on very well; we texted each other all day and we even spoke on the phone for 3 hours. Based on our conversations, I suspected she was an INTJ (like me); I made her do an online test and – lord and behold – she’s also an INTJ. Because of this we started to talk even more – we would literally texted each other all day and night.

Unfortunately, the day I matched with her she was planning on going to France (for work related stuff) for 7 weeks – so we never got the chance to see each other. When she told me this I was worried because it’s extremely hard to keep a girl I met on tinder interested for 2 days after we match – never mind 7 weeks! But, somehow, we kept on talking a lot; we would talk on the phone for 6 hours sometimes – she would talk to me for so long I sometimes don’t end up going to bed until 5 am in the morning.

After about 2 weeks on talking every day, we started to call ourselves a couple. But slowly we would start to argue a lot – about pointless **** that she would start herself. She would argue about me not texting her enough (even though we literally text and call each other every day), not sharing every single detail of what I am doing, she would get paranoid that I am talking to other girls behind her back etc. She eventually admitted that the reason she would start arguments a lot is because she was frustrated with her work environment – she really hates her job.

In June, she bought us tickets to go to Holland for holiday; she showed me the ticket and everything; she said it was a birthday gift for me because my birthday was 3 weeks ago. I thanked her and was deeply appreciative of this. When we were talking on the phone, I was replying to an email. She asked me “what are you doing?” And I said “Just replying to any email” and she got so angry that she stopped talking to me for 3 days – she was like “after what I did for you, you’re on your email when I am talking to you?!?”

We eventually made up but the tension was growing due to the fact that we still haven’t seen each other 6 weeks later. Every day we would have an argument. I even told her to tell her boss to allow her to come to London for like 2 days just so we could see each other – as a way to destroy the tension between us. But her boss declined. Because of this, she would create an argument out of nothing every day. A lot of the time she would end up crying (not because I insulted her or anything – she would just cry due to being too emotional).

It eventually became too much for her that she decided to call our relationship just an illusion. She then stopped texting me. At this point I was already deeply in love with her; despite her obvious flaws she was someone that really wanted to know me and would talk to me every day.

When she decided that she doesn’t want a relationship with me anymore, she would reply to my messages with one word answers. She originally told me she would resume the relationship when she came finally comes back to London. But, then, a couple of days after she told me this she then told me that she doesn’t want a relationship with me, period. I started questioning her and then she blocks me. Normally, once someone blocks me, that’s it! Don’t pursue anymore – but I knew that Jae also had some family problems; her mother was in a hospital a few days prior to her blocking me. I decided to email her (she blocked me on facebook, Instagram and whatsapp but not email) and she finally unblocked me on whatsapp (but not facebook or Instagram). I told her that I would like her to be my friend – she then replied with “No”. I basically begged her (don’t know why I did this0 and she would reply with “No” every single time.

I got frustrated and I told her that I am giving up with her… It was at that point she reconsidered and told me we could “text sometimes to check up on each other”. Her telling me this made me think that maybe she still has feelings for me. I decided to test this her by telling her I am going back on tinder – it was at this point she went on a rant about how relationships are just a waste of time and money and about how she will never take more than two arguments with a future boyfriend before breaking up with him and then ends her rant with “bye.”. It was very strange.

Because of this, a week later I gave her an ultimatum – I told her that I think she still has feelings for me – my ultimatum was “we either stay a couple or we end everything”. She then told me that she only sees me as a friend. I then called her a liar and manipulator; she was the one that would call me her “soul mate” and “true lover” – and now she’s doing a complete 180.

She then told me that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship ever. And that I’m not the one for her. She told me that she will never love me and that everything was just an illusion. I was deeply hurt by this and I started to like insult her. I also told her that the “tickets” to Holland htat she bought for us was most likely fake – in which she was deeply offended by. She then proceeded to show me new screenshots and told me she wasted $450 on a holiday that we will never go to. She then blocks me again. I decided to email her to apologise this morning but she hasn’t replied.

I feel like **** because I honestly thought she would be my girlfriend. I get a lot of dates on tinder but I thought she was the real deal. I thought she was really someone I could call my first ever real girlfriend – not just a **** buddy. I was wrong.

Was I in the wrong in this situation? What do you think about this girl?

Thank you so much for reading!

Reply 1

i love grimes

she sounds incredibly stressed, potentially lonely. to be honest i think you've been through so much its probably better to just go your separate ways.

have you even met her in person? it can be incredibly easy to grow attachments to someone if you're constantly in contact with them through email or texts or whatever.

sucks but i think its best you just forget about her and move on. i dont really think at this point theres much you can say or do to change her mind (again).

Reply 2

i love grimes

**** for reading all that you better be the one booking me a $450 holiday

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by cloudyeyes

No, we never met and that's the fundamental reason we argued so much.

Exactly! We spoke so much and so intensely that I grew a lot of feelings for her. Add that to the fact that she cried while on the phone with me (when she was upset).

Reply 4

AspiringUnderdog

Original post by Anonymous

did she ever respond?

I know it's hard but try not to insult her and just be there for her. Maybe try to push her into meeting you. Usually it's a lot easier to solve issues if you're together.