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I tried being assertive but it has made things worse for me :/ Help

I went to an assertiveness class as ive always been very passive and a push over. The problem is particularly present at my sports club where i get pressured loads to compete and the coach, although helpful, insults me. I have tried to stand up for myself using the assertiveness tips i got. Ive always done what the coach has said and have ignored him/accepted it when he's insulted me. This time thgough I told thecoach that although I wish to train and will use his advice that i wasnt willing to do something due to my ankle being sore as i didnt want to risk injury. He went on a rant about how im always comming up with '********' excuses, that i wasnt going to get anywhere in life etc and that i might as well piss off. So he has washed his hands of me. Yet when others are assertive with him he will respect that. I tried to be assertive with my teammates as ive always turned out for competition when injured as ive been fearful of saying no. i told them that i wasnt going to compete due to my sore ankle but that i wish them luck and i'l help out where possible but apparantly they have been talking about me saying how i could and should have competed.

So being assertive was more hassle than it is worth and has just backfired on me?

Reply 1

DrSocSciences

It doesn't sound like a very supportive environment, and no amount of assertiveness training will change that. Can you go to a different sports club?

Reply 2

tehforum

Are you a good performer for the club? Maybe that impacts on how your coach views you.

Alternatively, the harsh reaction may be as a result of suddenly asserting yourself out of the blue. He probably saw that as an act of defiance.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by tehforum

No im **** to be honest I just enter competitions for the clubs benefit ie earn points

Reply 4

inthedark1

If someone doesnt respect a person then they suddenly are assertive I guess they wont suddenly respect them

Reply 5

Tiger Rag

I found myself in a similar situation a few years ago. I was one of the better performers at my running club. They wanted me to take part in quite a few events, which after a while adds up to quite a lot.

It didn't matter that as soemone with long term health issues, it was actually making me ill.

I had to leave because there was too much pressure to take part in events and I was expected to give up other things.

I left. I'm now elsewhere. They're a bit more understanding. They hold a club event once a year and either want people to volunteer to take part. But they also understand that we have a life. (most people there work and /or have a family)

Reply 6

doodle_333

assertiveness isn't a fix-all solution and sports clubs have different aspects in play e.g. the culture on the team, how people perceive you (if you;re always moaning about every niggle they won't take an injury seriously) etc

Reply 7

Anonymous #2

Original post by doodle_333

So how do you stick up for yourself in sport, with an authatarian style coach, if assertiveness doesnt fix

Reply 8

doodle_333

Original post by Anonymous

So how do you stick up for yourself in sport, with an authatarian style coach, if assertiveness doesnt fix

you have to accept that, to an extent, you can't... in many sports teams they take the approach that everyone should be working to their limit and if you can walk, you can train, you don't 'give in' to injuries and let your team mates down and you do as you're told by the coach, if that's the dynamic and culture on your team then no amount of assertiveness will solve it, you either stick to your guns and don't do anything you don't want to and risk everyone being angry/rude/getting kicked off the team OR you suck it up and do as you're told.