My parents and their double standards.

I am 19 and my brother is 17. They have let him stay out late, go to concerts and are now letting him go abroad with his cousins. Oldest of the cousins is 22. They have never let me do any of those things because I am a girl. WTF DO I DO. They do not understand why I am mad because they let me go out but not till late. And its not that i want to stay out late either but they treat us differently. WHEN I WAS 17 MY DAD GOT UPSET BECAUSE I WAS AT THE LIBRARY. they are religious . and i got into an argument and skipped dinner, now its the next day and i haven't eaten either. They are just getting mad at me because they don't understand. AND NOW i am questioning whether i even have a right to be mad.? Also they think i am a cry baby because when I get angry i cant help but cry.

You have every right to be mad. Could you get a job and move out? You'll be free to do what you want and when you want then

I am not allowed to move out and they have a problem if I work.

Could you arrange it all without telling them and just leave? I know thats not easy though.

Without sounding racist (as I in no way intend it that way),but are you from an Asian background?

Its not racist dont worry. Yes. I am. FFS.

You have every right to be mad. Could you get a job and move out? You'll be free to do what you want and when you want then

I thought so as I see this from a lot of Asian families. I dont get it at all.

I am 19 and my brother is 17. They have let him stay out late, go to concerts and are now letting him go abroad with his cousins. Oldest of the cousins is 22. They have never let me do any of those things because I am a girl. WTF DO I DO. They do not understand why I am mad because they let me go out but not till late. And its not that i want to stay out late either but they treat us differently. WHEN I WAS 17 MY DAD GOT UPSET BECAUSE I WAS AT THE LIBRARY. they are religious . and i got into an argument and skipped dinner, now its the next day and i haven't eaten either. They are just getting mad at me because they don't understand. AND NOW i am questioning whether i even have a right to be mad.? Also they think i am a cry baby because when I get angry i cant help but cry.

I think that is a terrible idea.

any suggestions?

I think that is a terrible idea.

Truth is, most families are like that, the female is always valued more in the sense of needing protection, specially if your family originates from a different country. The double standard will remain and I think its not such a terrible thing. With all these messed up guys out there, it is expected your parents are scared to let you out late. It will change when you get a bit older, maybe 19-20.

Truth is, most families are like that, the female is always valued more in the sense of needing protection, specially if your family originates from a different country. The double standard will remain and I think its not such a terrible thing. With all these messed up guys out there, it is expected your parents are scared to let you out late. It will change when you get a bit older, maybe 19-20.

She is 19

I am 19 and my brother is 17. They have let him stay out late, go to concerts and are now letting him go abroad with his cousins. Oldest of the cousins is 22. They have never let me do any of those things because I am a girl. WTF DO I DO. They do not understand why I am mad because they let me go out but not till late. And its not that i want to stay out late either but they treat us differently. WHEN I WAS 17 MY DAD GOT UPSET BECAUSE I WAS AT THE LIBRARY. they are religious . and i got into an argument and skipped dinner, now its the next day and i haven't eaten either. They are just getting mad at me because they don't understand. AND NOW i am questioning whether i even have a right to be mad.? Also they think i am a cry baby because when I get angry i cant help but cry.

Truth is, most families are like that, the female is always valued more in the sense of needing protection, specially if your family originates from a different country. The double standard will remain and I think its not such a terrible thing. With all these messed up guys out there, it is expected your parents are scared to let you out late. It will change when you get a bit older, maybe 19-20.

You are not alone and I am glad you have spoken out. The perpetuation of this kind of behaviour (especially, sadly, amongst conservative Asian parents) is fuelled by the male dominated micro-societies in which families like yours live. As a woman you may never be fully trusted and may even be expected to be submissive to every demand of you. To rectify this, a societal change of seismic proportions needs to happen, and this will only happen slowly and once people start taking matters in to their own hands. Actions speak louder than words; so you need to SHOW (not tell) your parents that you are an independent human being and that you are free to make your own decisions. Start by getting a part-time job or apprenticeship, maybe move in to full-time work or further education that requires you to move out. If necessary give them an ultimatum. Tell them that if they truly had your best interests at heart then they would let you take this job/do this degree etc. If it's something that you really want to do and they still refuse then that tells you that they don't care about you, they just want to control you. After this you should feel free to do whatever you want - you are not beholden to the people who don't care about you.