Why do my uncle, aunts want to control me?

So I'm a 28 year old Indian guy.

Some of my uncle and aunt's have bullied, gossiped and mocked me. Like the two aunties below and my oldest uncle.

I live with my father and smaller sister and my mother passed away 16 years ago.

For some reason:

1) Two of my aunties without permission are trying to get me a partner. They are just ignoring me.

2) I said to my uncle I'll look for a partner myself later and he was derogatory about it. What's wrong with looking for a partner myself?

3) My oldest uncle is really digging into me, he says I'll never get a wife looking for one myself and you cannot get a partner if I'm single at 29(never heard of that before).

As I said, is there a problem with NOT having an arrange marriage?

Why are they trying to control me, it's almost to the point they are bullying me into getting an arranged marriage (my father and sister are completely fine with me looking for my own partner).

Why are they controlling me? Why do people control other people?

Reply 1

Ze Witcher

Original post by Anonymous

It's deffo more of a cultural thing - your uncle/aunt (most asian uncle/aunts) probably got married at like 20 or something and so you being 28 is quite a shock to them.

Take your time imo - just show them that you're making an effort and no, it's not wrong to not wanting an arranged marriage.

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by Ze Witcher

Thanks for your reply.

But they have kids and their in laws also have kids.

It's not a shock because they've seen other people's son's, daughter's get married at 31, definitely not a shock.

They also respect others wanting to marry around 30-32 but do not respect me?

I still think they want to control because they don't want me to have power over them.

That;s why people control others and thus try to control my marriage fate.

Reply 3

somemightsay888

Lol knew they'd be Indian, they always are.

It seems like they have this 'perfect traditional Indian family' image going on, and you not being married before your 30's is a no-no. On top of that, having the audacity to want to find yourself a partner is not in line with the image. What if you marry of the wrong caste? Someone lower class? Someone who isn't 'honourable'? It's a joke of a culture but yeah, honestly as long as your Dad is fine with it that's all that matters.

Reply 4

uberteknik

They are slaves to social and cultural pressure, image, social status, pride, arrogance and jealousy.

Unfortunately, many Asian families cannot see the damage and unhappiness they create as a result.

It's all about fear of not wanting the image of the family tainted, fear of being made pariahs and gossip in their own community, fear of dropping down the social order, and a lack of backbone to stand up and tell everyone else where to get off.

You are in control of your own destiny. Let no-one else tell you otherwise.

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 5

Emla93

Your 28 years old, put your foot down and don't let them control you.

Reply 6

Zargabaath

Original post by somemightsay888

it's true, it's ****ing toxic
there's a 30 y/o lady i work with who married into a "higher caste" and she get's literally emotionally abuse from her husband's family. The worst part? It was an arranged marriage so the family knew exactly who she marrying...
it's straight up sadistic :erm: