he asked me to pay. what should i do? second date?

I went out with this guy who seemed really nice and funny. I wasn't really up for it but he insisted so I went along with it. He kept asking me to order more (wine, dessert etc) which was a bit full on but it was fine (free food, right). At the end of the date the total was 120 and he wanted me to pay for what I got and for him to pay for his. This usually would be completely fine but guess what? HE ONLY GOT AN ENTREE! So I ended up paying about 100 quid including service charge.

I just don't understand what he's playing at. He is the one who practically begged me to go out with him to some annoying fancy place and then he hardly wants to eat anything but is ordering me all sorts. My friends say to ditch him but I can't help thinking that's a bit shallow. He was nice to look at though lol

Reply 1

arielynjoan

13

DITCH HIM NOW. HE WAS EGGIN U ON TELLIN U TO ORDER MORE CAUSE HE KNEW U THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA PAY. Or if u wanna be a savage, ask him on a second date then order loads of food and say you need the toilet then leave him to pay the bill.

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

you ate the food, so I guess i see why you should have paid for it. If you were willing you use up his money by eating more thinking he was paying, its also karma 😂

Reply 3

Chief Wiggum

20

Why would you assume he was paying though?

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Chief Wiggum

Why would you assume he was paying though?

Because he kept hinting. He was saying things like 'let me treat you' and 'my treat' and 'let me take you out'. I was fully prepared to pay and I always offer but the way he was acting was just odd to me.

Reply 5

Masstech

8

Well i don't sympathise with you because women are so eager for equality but expect men to pay on dates, but in this case you didn't really want to go and even though he was encouraging you to get more, you still at the end of the day expected him to pay because he is a guy. It's funny though because i think he did it on purpose because he knew you as a girl would expect him to pay, and only at the end to reveal that you should pay for what you got for yourself.

Reply 6

UWS

21

You're paying for what you ordered, what's the problem here?

You ordered thinking he would order £100 worth and either end up splitting or him offering to pay.

It's just a second date so if it really bothers you so much, save both of you future hassle.

Reply 7

Chief Wiggum

20

Original post by Anonymous

Because he kept hinting. He was saying things like 'let me treat you' and 'my treat' and 'let me take you out'. I was fully prepared to pay and I always offer but the way he was acting was just odd to me.

Lol fair enough, if he told you to order stuff and said "my treat", that is very misleading of him.

Reply 8

Miss.Unknow

18

I think it's the fact that he invited you that made you think that he will pay for you? Did he say or hint at paying beforehand?
Anyways, you're the one who ate the food, so you should pay (unless he insists).

Reply 9

1secondsofvamps

22

Tbh there's no rule saying that guys have to pay for the first date. Its only fair that you pay for the things you ordered

Reply 10

Miss.Unknow

18

Original post by Masstech

Well i don't sympathise with you because women are so eager for equality but expect men to pay on dates, but in this case you didn't really want to go and even though he was encouraging you to get more, you still at the end of the day expected him to pay because he is a guy. It's funny though because i think he did it on purpose because he knew you as a girl would expect him to pay, and only at the end to reveal that you should pay for what you got for yourself.

I thought that first, but the OP just mentioned that he said he was treating her and then insisted on her getting more. That's bit douchey if you ask me as he was leading her on. This has nothing to do with gender yo. If i ask anyone for a meal and say 'my treat' then it's expected of me to pay.

Reply 11

RussianQuestion

14

Original post by Anonymous

I went out with this guy who seemed really nice and funny. I wasn't really up for it but he insisted so I went along with it. He kept asking me to order more (wine, dessert etc) which was a bit full on but it was fine (free food, right). At the end of the date the total was 120 and he wanted me to pay for what I got and for him to pay for his. This usually would be completely fine but guess what? HE ONLY GOT AN ENTREE! So I ended up paying about 100 quid including service charge.

I just don't understand what he's playing at. He is the one who practically begged me to go out with him to some annoying fancy place and then he hardly wants to eat anything but is ordering me all sorts. My friends say to ditch him but I can't help thinking that's a bit shallow. He was nice to look at though lol

Did he eat any of the food that you bought? It doesn't make sense to me why he would try and persuade you to eat more, knowing that you would pay for it. Had it really been a treat as he suggested, he would've paid. I guess it wasn't clear from the outset, but I'm sure you wouldn't have ordered as much if you knew you were to pay for it yourself... Everything seems rather counter-intuitive.

Reply 12

Masstech

8

Original post by Miss.Unknow

I think it's the fact that he invited you that made you think that he will pay for you? Did he say or hint at paying beforehand?
Anyways, you're the one who ate the food, so you should pay (unless he insists).

But he didn't say 'my treat' or that he would pay for everything.

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

OP

The problem for me isn't with paying, because that's not an issue for me. I always offer to pay and I am not disheartened if the offer to split is taken up. I don't expect people to pay for me on dates, in fact I prefer to pay for myself. The issue is the way he was acting. He kept saying 'please let me take you out to eat, my treat' which implies he will offer to pay OR AT LEAST split it half way. I think it's a **** move to keep insisting on ordering more and more food and wine and champagne and all sorts just to ask me to pay for most of it. I didn't decide the restaurant and I didn't decide what to eat. He had been to the place many times and kept reccommending the most expensive stuff for him to then ask me to pay. Am I being irrational or is this guy just a weirdo?

Reply 14

username2406123

16

Oh dear God, honey...

Anyone who asks should offer to pay unless the other insists, as I've offered to pay EVERY date even when I'm asked out first, yet I've so far still never paid, since they insist. Don't you dare lay a finger on your wallet.

Reply 15

Anonymous #3

Sounds weird...

Sack him off...

Not because he wouldn’t pay...to only have a starter and watch you eat the whole meal while encouraging you to order just sounds odd...

Reply 16

Tiger Rag

22

I've got no problem with paying. But this would really piss me off.

I wouldn't go on a second date. Whose to say he won't do it again?

Reply 17

Chief Wiggum

20

Original post by Salt Queen

Oh dear God, honey...

Anyone who asks should offer to pay unless the other insists, as I've offered to pay EVERY date even when I'm asked out first, yet I've so far still never paid, since they insist. Don't you dare lay a finger on your wallet.

This is just based on sexist outdated gender stereotypes. Just like saying women should have to stay in the kitchen.

Reply 18

999tigger

19

Original post by Anonymous

I went out with this guy who seemed really nice and funny. I wasn't really up for it but he insisted so I went along with it. He kept asking me to order more (wine, dessert etc) which was a bit full on but it was fine (free food, right). At the end of the date the total was 120 and he wanted me to pay for what I got and for him to pay for his. This usually would be completely fine but guess what? HE ONLY GOT AN ENTREE! So I ended up paying about 100 quid including service charge.

I just don't understand what he's playing at. He is the one who practically begged me to go out with him to some annoying fancy place and then he hardly wants to eat anything but is ordering me all sorts. My friends say to ditch him but I can't help thinking that's a bit shallow. He was nice to look at though lol

I find it hard to believe you didnt think something was wrong whe he only ordered an entree or

that you didnt check who was paying or

Your ordered so much more, which seems to be taking advantage.

On the other side its not unreasonable to expect someone who asks you to dinner to be paying unless otherwise agreed as you are his guest.

Perhaps you will learn from it and think next time?
You should ditch him though as he obviously knew what he was doing and played you. He has no respect for you, but that is something you will have to learn.