Do you think that one parent should stay at home and raise the kids?

Do you think society would be better off if a kid or kids had one parent stay at home? Or not? Both my parents worked and I felt they were always too busy/tired after work to spend time with me. In my family my mum had the higher earning career so if my dad had of stayed at home maybe the family situation would have worked better? But then the flip side to this is lower household income would mean they would possibly have been entitled to benefits, do we want a society which uses up more government money?

What do you think?

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Reply 1

Pidge Gunderson

Yes, to an extent. Otherwise the child may grow more attached to the nanny - which is a pretty big hurdle to overcome. The parents are undoubtedly an important figure in a childs life - at least one of them has to be a constantly appearing figure.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by Pidge Gunderson

Most kids dont have a nanny the parents usually figure out work routines/who picks the kids up etc :tongue:

Reply 3

Arianax

No.

There isn’t a thing as full time and part time parents. My Dad had to work full time, I don’t hate him for it. It was his responsibility to take care of his family. My Mum couldn’t work full time due to being from India, starting from scratch and now she works pretty much full time. She would have worked before, but due to education she couldn’t.

I plan on working full time when I have kids. It’s for their benefit and future I’m working. I can’t sit at home and do nothing, rely on my husband to pay the bills etc? I want to take care of my family financially too.

I’m not going to university, just to become a housewife.

I wish women were given more chances to work full time, rather than resorting to becoming stay at home Mum. Why aren’t Dads expected to do this? Why can’t Dads be stay at home Dad (Indian culture, argh)! It’s always the women who has to sacrifice her career.

Didn’t mean to be a rant, but do whatever makes you happy I guess :smile:

don’t do anything for your partner wishes!

Reply 4

GreenBell

Not really. Maybe till a certain age but if you raise your kids right I don't think it matters. I don't see a problem with them spending the day in nursery/school and then spending the rest of the day together.

You never know though, maybe I'll change my mind when I actually have kids. I mean who wants to go back to work after having maternity leave.

Reply 5

Arianax

Original post by GreenBell

Exactly! They have to go school eventually, then university etc. You can’t spend every hour with them.

I guess no one wants to go back after maternity leave, but have to anyway :smile:

Reply 6

alexschmalex

Maybe up to they're like 5 or 6, and I'll happily stay at home and watch them, but once the youngest hits that age I'd want both me and my wife to be working, even if one of us is only working 20 hours a week. Not gonna pay for her to sit at home doing nothing and she also shouldn't pay for me to just sit on my ass

Reply 7

EmmaRebecca1997

Original post by Pidge Gunderson

Totally irrelevant but good username and icon 👍🏼

Reply 8

EmmaRebecca1997

Original post by Anonymous

Personally I think it's down to choice. My mum left work when I was born and took up childminding so she could raise me. I'm very grateful for her doing that. But at the same time, I don't think someone should be forced to do that because it's unfair to expect someone to give up a career they love.

Reply 9

Bernadette04

I have 4 sons: the youngest is autistic. After his birth I had no choice but to become a full time carer whilst my husband worked, We have been relatively poor and many of my own sacrifices have been made. However, I see modern parents frazzled from work and kids in nursery care and after school clubs when all they want is a parent present.

Now aged 18 my youngest son is at university with support. Was it all worth it? Yes. But it has come at a tremendous personal sacrifice to be there constantly for him and his brothers over all these years. It has involved much drudgery and a lifetime of caring. However, seeing my sons flourish, and in particular my youngest son I would do it all again in a heartbeat,

However, I think parents of disabled children should have the same level playing field of childcare opportunities as parents of able bodied children. This simply doesn’t happen. A childminder for example can look after 6 able bodied children at one time or 1 Disabled child. It doesn’t make economic sense currently to look after disabled children. This needs to change in law.

I think parents need to have choices but their choices are taken away by the cost of living and having to work and also if they have to become a carer to a disabled child.

Reply 10

Nottie

No. I think people should only have kids when they are able to provide them with all necessary things, which includes their own time on top of shelter, food and clothes.
Parenting is a full time job, but in the modern World you cannot expect someone to drop their career for 18 years.

Reply 11

Pidge Gunderson

Original post by Anonymous

Most kids dont have a nanny the parents usually figure out work routines/who picks the kids up etc :tongue:

The parent(s) should play a significant role in their childs life - both parents working full-time could lead to negative consequences if not done correctly. I, in my own personal experience, can attest to that.

Though if they can time their work routines correctly it should be fine :smile:

Reply 12

Kallisto

Entertainment Forum Helper

Original post by Anonymous

(...)

What do you think?

In my opinion both parent should care for the children as often as possible in the young ages in particular. It is so important for little kids to have parents on their side who love them during grow up.

Reply 13

MindTheGaps

I dislike the word should, it's absolutely personal choice on the part of the parent.

That said, I do think it's better for the children, especially before they're school-aged. It's not always financially feasible but, subject to circumstances, I'd prefer my wife looked after them. I wouldn't force her though if she didn't want to.

Reply 14

Saoirse:3

Original post by Anonymous

Absolutely. It's atrocious that we now have this expectation in society that both parents will work, and we have wages and a cost of living that mean this is necessary for most. The idea of a father usually going to work while a mother looked after the home and raised the children worked very, very well for a very long time - but we've thrown it out of the window in pursuit of ever-increasing growth by having more people in the workforce. In the long term this is massively damaging and in my opinion has a lot to do with the mental health crisis among young people today.

Reply 15

username1339858_

I don't have a fixed opinion on this.

Reply 16

December126

Possibly during the first few years BUT when the children are all at school and the husband is at work, let's say school is from 9am-4pm thats EIGHT HOURS of the mother being at home doing LITERALLY NOTHING, you can't possibly be doing 8 hours worth of housework 5 days a week, unless you're a maid in a hotel that's just IMPOSSIBLE! Even if she did 1 hour a day that's still 7 hours. Soo she's at home watching TV, just lounging around having a great time while the husband (and the kids!) are hard at work! How the hell is that fair???

Reply 17

Kindred

It's not necessary for one parent to not work and always stay home to look after the kids, but it is important to make sure the kid(s) has enough attention and care so that can mean one parent doing childcare. It can also mean one working part time or more school friendly hours or the parents making sure the child is cared for while they're at work and being sure to give them the attention they need outside it.

Also, it's important that both parents have a role in caring for and giving the child attention. Otherwise the child won't develop a good relationship with them and also won't get that sense of unconditional love which is important. Again though, that care and attention can come in different forms and at different times.

It's also worth noting that parents are role models so doing something outside of parenting (be it work or hobby) is beneficial and also that if a parent is just a parent they will probably go crazy. The parents and their well being matter too and being stuck in the house doing kid chores all the time is going to put a dent in the mental well being of even the most loving and devoted parent.

So in conclusion, it is important to make sure a child has constant care and attention and a stay at home parent can be a good way to achieve that, but it's also important for both parents to get involved and to have a life.

I personally think that a good balance (ignoring financial implications) would be either two part time working parents (/flexible hours) or a full time worker and a part time parent and worker (or hobbiest/ volunteer). It gives the child that availability, but also gives parents a life.
Both being part time/ flexible means that both parents get a mix and there's less of a divide between them. Unfortunately it would also tend to mean less income though so you're kinda pushed into a bread winner and a care giver.

The exception to that is early years when I believe a child does benefit from a more constant parent presence because it means easier routine for learning things and gives that first impression of home and family. Also children with extra needs who need that extra parental presence (special needs for example). In those cases I do think that having a dedicated parent is at least more beneficial (still not necessary though- there are still other ways to achieve that care).

At the end of the day there are so many different factors and what matters most is that it works for that family. That might mean some compromise her and there, but it doesn't make it a bad choice.

That's my view on the matter. I hope it makes sense :smile:

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 18

Saoirse:3

Original post by December126

Because she's probably then spending most of the evening looking after the kids? Raising children and looking after the house is a full-time job which we're increasingly expected to do on top of our actual careers.