I feel like I've ruined my relationship with my dad

I decided to go on holiday to America by myself in July. My dad was not happy with it, saying how unsafe it was. He asked me what kind of coffin I wanted. My mum was supportive because she travelled when she was my age too (I'm 18). It was my first holiday alone. I arrived safe and everything.

When I went to the zoo, I met a guy. This amazing great guy. He was with his family (parents, sister, in-laws) because it was his nephew's birthday. We got talking and we spent the rest of the time at the zoo together. His family were taking the nephew to all the touristy spots I wanted to go to in the city as his birthday present, and they offered to take me to them too to save me on taxi fares. I accepted, as they're a really nice family and I felt safe with them.

So after spending a few days with this guy, we got on really well. It was as if I knew him for ages we just clicked. The guy and his parents had to go back to the town they lived in as they didn't live in the city (3 hour drive away) and they invited me with them. I initially said I'll think about it, then researched the town they're from and it's actually pretty cool. Touristy and a lot of stuff to do. So I decided to check out my hotel and go back with them, because in life you have to do the unexpected sometimes and I felt happy.

So I spent the last week of my holiday with this guy and we had an amazing time. I've never laughed so much. They then took me back to the city for my flight home.

We have been in touch every day since then and I honestly think I love him. I told my mum when I got back about him and she was happy for me but I didn't tell my dad about him... until the other day.

We decided we wanted to see each other again so I've booked a flight to go and visit him over Christmas. I told my mum and she was happy for me and really supportive. My dad on the other hand is p*ssed. He's so angry. And then today he phoned me to tell me he wasn't coming up to visit me at uni on my birthday because he's so angry at me.

I'm not going to stop doing what I want to do because my dad doesn't approve, because it's my life. I'm so happy I have my mum to support me but I wish I had my dad too. He's given me the impression that he doesn't want to talk to me very much, if at all because on the phone call he said "I'm going to end this call now unless you have anything else to say". And I don't want to say anything that'll just make him even angrier.

My dad is a very negative man. He's very much if it isn't his decision or his way, then it is wrong and he will sulk about it. Anything you do that goes against what he wants, he will sulk and give you the silent treatment. So I can't argue with him or try and make him understand my point of view, because he just won't hear it. So I haven't had a very loving relationship with him. I don't like telling him things for this precise reason. Sometimes I wish it was easier to have a limited relationship with him, only sending him a birthday and Christmas card and that being my contact with him, because he's so awkward to communicate with.

I don't know if I want advice or not, I just needed to rant. But any suggestions on how to cope with this reaction would be good, because I can't stop crying.

TL;DR I met a guy on holiday this year and I'm going back to see him at Christmas. My dad is very mad and not happy, and I think I've ruined my relationship with him.

Reply 1

cheesecakelove

I know your dad is very important to you, but sometimes you have to live life for you and not your parents. In time, your father might come to accept your choices (or he might not), but you can't spend the rest of your life dwelling on him. Do the things that make you happy.

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

I have the same problem. My dad and I were close, but we fell out when I didn't want to listen to him anymore. I am now more independent, and I still miss him from time to time. However, I do have to make my own way in life. I am still on good terms with my mother.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

Are you still in contact with him?

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

Are you still in contact with him?

No I haven't talked to him for over a year. The last time few times I tried to talk to him, he wouldn't listen.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

No I haven't talked to him for over a year. The last time few times I tried to talk to him, he wouldn't listen.

I think that's what it'll be like with me and him. I'm now concerned that he won't help me move out of uni etc. when the time comes because he is so stubborn and negative.

Reply 6

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

I am sorry that your relationship isn't good with your Dad at the moment. Sometimes parents have problems with letting go of their children and accepting that they are adults and making their own way in the world. Give him time & I am sure he will come round. In the meantime leave a line of communication open for him & try not to think too badly of him.

Reply 7

Anonymous #2

I don't know if your father will change his mind, but you still have the support of your mother and other family too. Remember you still have family that care for you :smile: