Had a fling on freshers week, now worried my gf will find out...

I'll break this complicated situation down down best I can.

So me and my long term gf have been undergoing hard times for a while, and about a month before I started uni we decided to have a break from each other, and she went home to her native Denmark. During this time, I was ready to leave her, and felt that a good week of partying and meeting new people would be a natural way of getting over her, as we hadn't officially broken up yet.

During freshers week, I met a cool girl on my course and on a night out with friends one thing led to another and I ended up in her room. I knew it would be wrong to do anything without officially ending it with my sort of gf but I was really up for it and was letting myself go. We got on really well, had a great night and I ended up staying there for another 2 nights.

On the 3rd day, she peeped on my facebook and noticed the pictures of me and my gf which were from fairly recently and I hadn't removed yet. I came clean and said the truth...that we are on a break from each other and I am ready to end it with her, and that I didn't tell her about my gf earlier as I really liked her and didn't want to ruin it.

Well, as it turns out, me and my gf had a long long talk and after lots of figuring out our problems are back on and she is now coming back to England to be with me. I regret the whole fling I had but it was on a break between us so don't think it was awful. However, the girl that I had the fling with hates me for it and is making out that I am a horrible person, and that I should tell my gf about what happened, and I feel that if I don't then she is going to expose it herself...which would be an absolute disaster.

The way I see it, it was freshers week... A lot of crazy things happen and i'm guessing a lot of cheating does too, and in a worse context than mine. I'm not saying it wasn't wrong and that I shouldn't have done it but it happened.

What do I do? I want to just put that to the past and work on making my relationship better but this girl won't drop it.

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 1

utr

18

You've got to front it.

Tell her before someone else does, especially before the other girl does.

Put the shoe on the other foot, if she had shagged someone during the break you had, what would you think?

Reply 2

Randomguy993

OP

3

Original post by utr

You've got to front it.

Tell her before someone else does, especially before the other girl does.

Put the shoe on the other foot, if she had shagged someone during the break you had, what would you think?

Errrrr yea thats the awkward side to this. The problems in the relationship come from the fact that she is an escort for a living...not even kidding. She goes away for 'tours', and I know that she is having sex with other people for a job. I hate it, I really do, but unfortunately she is in difficult situation of studying herself (at a different institution) and can't get student loans and her parent's can't help her.

What I did I guess was different, I did it for recreation... but I do feel less bad because of the fact that she has sex with other people too, albeit for income. She is really clean btw, I have researched her a lot and she is proffessional about it.

Reply 3

Stevo F

18

Original post by Randomguy993

Well, as it turns out, me and my gf had a long long talk and after lots of figuring out our problems are back on and she is now coming back to England to be with me. I regret the whole fling I had but it was on a break between us so don't think it was awful. However, the girl that I had the fling with hates me for it and is making out that I am a horrible person, and that I should tell my gf about what happened, and I feel that if I don't then she is going to expose it herself...which would be an absolute disaster.

You clearly don't think what you did was that bad, (rightly or wrongly), and you think this because you were going through a tough patch and because your girlfriend is an escort...

She deserves to know the truth, she's been honest with you about her work and you've accepted that and stayed with her, now you have to do the same for her and explain what happened and see if she can accept what you've done.

You don't have much choice anyway because if you don't say anything the other girl probably will.
Even if she doesn't you're ruining the relationship because the next time you're going through a bad patch you'll want to cheat with someone else and this time you'll think "I did it before and got away with it" so you won't be able to resist.

Reply 4

utr

18

Original post by Randomguy993

Errrrr yea thats the awkward side to this. The problems in the relationship come from the fact that she is an escort for a living...not even kidding. She goes away for 'tours', and I know that she is having sex with other people for a job. I hate it, I really do, but unfortunately she is in difficult situation of studying herself (at a different institution) and can't get student loans and her parent's can't help her.

What I did I guess was different, I did it for recreation... but I do feel less bad because of the fact that she has sex with other people too, albeit for income. She is really clean btw, I have researched her a lot and she is proffessional about it.

Hmm, I'd still tell her. What else can you do?

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 5

Randomguy993

OP

3

Original post by Stevo F

You clearly don't think what you did was that bad, (rightly or wrongly), and you think this because you were going through a tough patch and because your girlfriend is an escort...

She deserves to know the truth, she's been honest with you about her work and you've accepted that and stayed with her, now you have to do the same for her and explain what happened and see if she can accept what you've done.

You don't have much choice anyway because if you don't say anything the other girl probably will.
Even if she doesn't you're ruining the relationship because the next time you're going through a bad patch you'll want to cheat with someone else and this time you'll think "I did it before and got away with it" so you won't be able to resist.

I know what you mean, I will tell her, but I want to give it a little time so it is less raw. And no, she didn't disclose her job honestly to me, I had no idea about it and only found out by accident a long time into it (she had messages on her phone)

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by Randomguy993

I know what you mean, I will tell her, but I want to give it a little time so it is less raw. And no, she didn't disclose her job honestly to me, I had no idea about it and only found out by accident a long time into it (she had messages on her phone)

Your girlfriend is a literally a prostitute and she lied to you about it? Where is the trust? Where is your dignity in staying with her? It will be very rich if she takes the moral high ground over this! Just break it off with her. What you did obviously wasn't right, but the relationship is over anyway.

Reply 7

Dazza happy

11

This is likely to come across harsh, but I really don’t see why you would want to be in a long-term relationship with a person you’ve cheated on recently. Like, you can’t really care about someone and cheat on them, at least from my moral perspective

Reply 8

Donns

4

This all sounds like porkies.....

Reply 9

Comrade Trotsky

4

Send your girlfriend, frisky little devil needs a big ol' chopper in her life to pound her back to happiness because you hurt her you shiite

Reply 10

Trinculo

21

It was Freshers Week. As far as I'm concerned - it didn't happen. If your girlfriend is worth her salt, she would forgive you too - but in the name of playing it safe - I would keep both of them on the go in case it breaks down with one of them and you're left without a chair when the music stops. Just don't tell your gf anything about cool girl, and make sure cool girl thinks your gf is history.

Ego te absolvo a peccatis tuis in nomine Patris, et Filii et Spiritus Sancti.*

Spoiler

Reply 11