what do I do with my ex?!

To cut a long story short, I was dating a christian girl. We are both 16 but both of us felt something more, the chemistry had literally rendered us inseperable to the point in where I'd be spending the whole day with her and crying as soon as I had to go back home.We got together in January. Within a month of knowing each other we were boy and girl, now the first 6 months of the relationship were amazing. She had loads of problems like depression and self esteem issues, especially with what she looks like (she looks amazing but since she was "chubbier" in the past and people bullied her for it her self esteem wasn't great) now over time of making her believe in herself she started to really love herself. We just got so comfortable with each other that we decided to lose our virginities (we never really had a convo but we both knew, it didn't have to be said). So I know that i was completely happy and I must of lost it in April/May and we had been doing it ever since. We had a completely perfect relationships, we did fight but we made up almost immediately and it was actually truly amazing. I got her confidence up and got her life on track with her exams, she ended up doing well in her GCSES and started to believe in herself more. I even used to get her to say what she "was" which was beautiful, smart, pretty, strong, lovely, funny, cute and everything will be okay, Shes told me that it completely changed her outlook on herself. Now this is where it all messes up, Around early august we talk about our terms and she says she doesn't wanna have sex anymore. Of course I was gutted but I agreed because it wasn't totally necessary and in the end I would be happy with her, but she left her fb on her mums Ipad and she found out about it all. Bear in mind before the events both her parents loved me so much and let me stay in their house till like midnight with her. She ended up having to break up with me because her parents made her. Now I did the stupidest mistake as coming off as super needy but I needed her cos i was going through alot myself, I regret it but after being needy for a good week I just backed away, fast forward to a few weeks we were still meeting up and it was just like we hadn't broken up at all. There was a guy she knew that she liked and one day they were all gonna meet up in a group, to cut the long story short she kissed two guys and jacked one guy off that day, and then felt horrible about it after. she even said that she stopped 1 minute in and the only thing keeping her from withdrawing was her anxiety. She came clean to me straight away (although we weren't exclusive and she was single), obviously I was still gutted and then she ended up asking me out 2 days later, knowing that shes usually a very loyal girl and I had never had a problem with her beforehand I took her back. So we got back together in the end of august and we were together for a good month until she broke things off again, throughout this period she wasn't treating me great and all, her initial reason was "I'm too good for her" I knew it was bs and then she said it was because of her family. So I just go with it and this time I let her have some sort of space, now Im aware at this point shes going to sixth form and one of her close friend really likes her, but I trust her. Maybe 2 weeks after we broke up she kissed him (he initiated) and her reasons were the same as the last time ( she felt lonely etc.) Now at the time we were saying I love you and everything, with the only exception of not having a title, and apparently thats all she cares about. I know for a fact she cares because she was literally crying all day and feeling so *****y about it. I met her once afterwards and we did everything (sex, cuddle etc) and at the end I told her that I would have to leave her for good, her reaction was her literally breaking down and almost collapsing and I could see so much tears in her eyes. After that I couldn't, I told her that I would stay before she got really mad and then went away, I came back to her and then we kinda talked it out before I had to go (her parents dont know we still see each other so she has to be careful), Now ever since then she promises to stay loyal and all of this but I can't honestly believe it, part of me wants to walk away to make her come back to me as a girlfriend but I don't want to lose her, any suggestions guys? Thank you.

Reply 1

taliakx

I stopped reading half way through, when you mentioned she did something with another man. That’s not okay, and if she did it once there’s nothing stopping her from doing it again - no promises or crying will take that back.

Reply 2

Pigster

You're not a fan of paragraphs, are you?

No women deserves a man who doesn't like paragraphs.

Reply 3

utr

Technically, she hasn't done anything wrong because she's only got with other people when you weren't together, so what's the issue?

From what you've said though, she sounds like a nightmare to put it lightly. Move on, start fresh.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by utr

Yeah nah she hasn't really except the last time she did it (she did it again at a party) she was just with me the other day telling me how she loved me and all, I know we weren't together but she was implying that she would atleast bother to make things right.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by Pigster

You're not a fan of paragraphs, are you?

No women deserves a man who doesn't like paragraphs.

I hate paragraphs I write my essays in one big paragraph, you would be right tbh.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by taliakx

Yeah it kinda destroyed me when she told me because when she was with me she was literally the most loyal girl, I mean it kinda dawned upon me but she is quite easily persuaded which I didn't think about. I had the strength to forgive her the first time but clearly she didn't learn and went and did it again. It could of been so avoidable and then after she feels all **** and goes all sort of depressed and starts doing **** like cutting and binge eating, to which I eventually have to help her on because she literally has no one else but me and then she'll then ask me out again like she did last time, change her plan and then do this **** again, she said that her family planted it in her mind that committing to one person is this scary thing and ever since she hasn't wanted a relationship yet she doesn't wanna lose me and wants to get back together with me officially when I'm 18, it is really just such a mess.

Reply 7

taliakx

Original post by Anonymous

If she doesn’t want a relationship then why bother? you’re 18 and you’re responsible for your own happiness, not her happiness. You’re not making her harm herself, it’s her own choice - do what’s best for you.

Reply 8

12ksmith

Original post by Anonymous

I hate paragraphs I write my essays in one big paragraph, you would be right tbh.

I’m pretty sure you can’t get above like a 4 if you don’t use paragraphs

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Original post by 12ksmith

I’m pretty sure you can’t get above like a 4 if you don’t use paragraphs

Well I did the old english GCSE and I got an A* in lit and a C in language, so I mean like it makes sense.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Original post by taliakx

Fair enough, I'm 17 btw. She says that she does wanna be with me but she can't because of her family but she wants me to stick around till were both 18 because that way her family can't get in the way. But she says she craves attention and if she can't come see me she can't "help herself" - I don't wanna sound needy in any way but I could do with her support right now, and right now in my life shes one of the only things that makes me happy.

Oh, and the harm herself part, she's cut herself because of the situation, so I don't know about that. I feel like the best thing for me is to get back with her, yes it sounds weak but its something I can overlook and won't bother me in a few years, but I understand our choices are conflicting and I'm just gonna back away for now. It's pretty sad to say it but I've pretty much lost 90% of my friends when I moved school so I'm quite lonely without her, plus I don't really have a good relationship with my family.

She "wants to be with me" but she says she doesn't wanna hurt me. I personally think shes just trying to say "I want to get off with other guys", she was never like this before but I think her family have manipulated her mind quite abit to make her get scared of being in a relationship all of a sudden. It just kinda kills me because it was the most perfect thing while it lasted and she isn't trying to preserve it and would rather immediate attention then a relationship,.of course given under the instruction of her parents who don't want her to have a relationship right now.

I think i'll just stop contacting her at all, as much as she makes me happy I've given her alot of chances and she's failed to prove that she actually wants it, painful but its probably the truth. The sad thing about it is while she may feel bad with doing stuff with other guys (she even said her thought process was "I've lost everything I've had with him so why don't I sleep around and think its him im making love to) I can't even think about it, I don't think I'll do anything of that nature till I'm fully over her.

Now I know she may not want it, but if theres any way to change her mind could you guys tell me? I'm not a fan of being forceful but I really do want this and I know deep down so does she.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Okay i've just been told that shes on anti-depressants, I mean I don't agree with it but it seems to be helping her back on track but I think its gonna ruin the chances of us getting back together even more, what do I do?