When SHOULD someone be insecure?

https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5009280

that thread, or any other number of threads where someone is clearly insecure, and quite often too, there is a clear reason why. Yet most of the replies suggest that they shouldn't be insecure, or that insecurity is a bad thing. I mean, sure it is "bad" in the sense that it usually indicates a personal dificiency, but it shouldn't be bad in and of itself.

That is to say, unless you think no one should be insecure ever, you should admit that under certain circumstances, one should be as insecure as they deserve to be and that one could have the right level of insecurity.

People generally tend to give ******** soapy platitudes, so I ask you to think. Tell me a scenario where you would actually tell an OP, that "you know what? you're right to be as insecure as you are"?

If that person was insecure, then that's how they feel, and its still possible to feel empathy or have sympathy.

When they recognise the issue, then they can move onto the next phase and taking steps to hale the situation better. This often takes time and interaction.

For me, I tell people they shouldn't feel insecure because it seems to come down to trust. If they're insecure that they might get cheated on or left for someone "better" than themselves, it usually means that they just don't trust their partner, which to me is baffling. Why be involved with someone you can't trust? Why put that emotional strain on yourself? It doesn't make sense to me, hence why I say there's no need to be insecure.

of course you can find someone lesser to be in a relationship with. it would just be the other person now who would be insecure. Like Sith Lords, <"Always two there are; no more, no less. A master and an apprentice.">, you can replace it with <Always two there are in a relationship, no more, no less. A Settler and a Reacher>

Hence relationships are like power. It never lasts. It rests on a fulcrum, ever tipping either way.

Why does there have to be someone "better" or "lesser" in a relationship? Why does either person have to feel insecure?

because relationships are a function of power. like the layer cake theory of life, you know that one?

But even elsewhere, it is rare to see exchanges of this format:

A: I am insecure because of x in scenario y
B: And so you should be.

People seem unwilling to admit that people should ever be insecure, and under certain conditions, they deserve nothing less to be insecure. Say a man with a micropenis goes on a blind date with a woman who turns out to be a female porn star. Or a cleaner with no nascent talents sweeping the floor after an Oxford Bullingdon club social event. In both those cases, they deserve nothing less than to feel insecure and were they to actual feel secure, there is a distinct fault in their perception which should be corrected with some vigour.

No I'm not familiar with that theory. However, it's sad to think relationships need power. In my relationship, neither myself or my partner are "in charge". We jointly make decisions and encourage each other. We are equal, hence neither of us are insecure. I can't imagine a relationship where one person is more powerful.

People dont respond in that way. If the situation is one that people can empathise with, then more often than not they get sympathy, empathy and support.

I dont think its rare to see that type of response on here or on other forums. I disagree with you.

No I'm not familiar with that theory. However, it's sad to think relationships need power. In my relationship, neither myself or my partner are "in charge". We jointly make decisions and encourage each other. We are equal, hence neither of us are insecure. I can't imagine a relationship where one person is more powerful.

Well i typically respond in that fashion, but I seem to be in the minority

Not everyone has time.
Not everyone has the knowledge.
Not everyone wants the same results as you.

I dont think you are in the minority at all.

Plenty of people spend a lo of time going out of their way to be supportive and helpful on these forums, so I disagree with you again. Perhaps you expect too much and dont appreciate the way forums and advice giving works.

No I mean I typically respond in the sense of " no **** you're insecure, you're poor / ugly / fat / stupid etc"

Occasionally I will respond positively, but not often. most of the times, people really are as insecure as they deserve to be.

Ask yourself why you respond that way?

immaturity?
Lack of knowledge.
Lack of empathy and compassion?
Inability to appreciate someone elses viewpoint or the fact they are different from you?

Ask yourself why you respond that way?

immaturity?
Lack of knowledge.
Lack of empathy and compassion?
Inability to appreciate someone elses viewpoint or the fact they are different from you?