My boyfriend sponges off me 24/7 and I don't know what to do.

I'm 23 and he's 20 (both guys) we've been together for 2 years. I have a really boring 8:30 to 16:30 job Monday to Friday at £8 an hour as I massively screwed up my education. My boyfriend doesn't work or do anything at all, he can't claim benefits as he has no reason he can't work or look for a job (you have to prove you're looking for work for 35 hours a week to claim benefits), he just can't be bothered to do anything.

We live together in a small studio flat. I pay for everything for both of us, the rent (all bills are included), food, our phones, TV licence, drinks when we go out, anything we do together when we're not at home and games he wants. We've lived together for 18 months, he had just started a job when we met but he resigned after 6 months as he didn't like it and moved in with me. He has financially contributed literally nothing since we've been living together. He gets up whenever he wants and watches TV and plays games all day.

He does clean the flat (though it's very small so it's not much) and he does the laundry but that's it, I do all of the cooking as well. I do love him, he's funny, hot and the sex is really good. We have a lot of similar interests and we have a good time together, I just wish he was brining some money in. I can afford to keep doing this and I don't have any financial troubles. How should I approach this with him and what can I do?

(edited 6 years ago)

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Reply 1

stoyfan

Have you talked to his relatives? They could help you to persuade your bf to get a job.

Reply 2

username2965904

End the relationship?

Reply 3

Bloomdoom

Original post by stoyfan

Have you talked to his relatives? They could help you to persuade your bf to get a job.

The only relative of his he has any contact with is his mum and she really couldn't care less.

Original post by KingHarold

End the relationship?

I don't want to do that as I love him and I have a good time with him.

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 4

claireestelle

Original post by Bloomdoom

I'm 23 and he's 20 (both guys) we've been together for 2 years. I have a really boring 8:30 to 16:30 job Monday to Friday at £8 an hour as I massively screwed up my education. My boyfriend doesn't work or do anything at all, he can't claim benefits as he has no reason he can't work or look for a job (you have to prove you're looking for work for 35 hours a week to claim benefits), he just can't be bothered to do anything.

We live together in a small studio flat. I pay for everything for both of us, the rent (all bills are included), food, our phones, TV licence, drinks when we go out, anything we do together when we're not at home and games he wants. We've lived together for 18 months, he had just started a job when we met but he resigned after 6 months as he didn't like it and moved in with me. He has financially contributed literally nothing since we've been living together. He gets up whenever he wants and watches TV and plays games all day.

He does clean the flat (though it's very small so it's not much) and he does the laundry but that's it, I do all of the cooking as well. I do love him, he's funny, hot and the sex is really good. We have a lot of similar interests and we have a good time together, I just wish he was brining some money in. How should I approach this with him and what can I do?

you need to tell him how you're feeling, this situation isn't healthy for either of us and you can't move forward until you tell him how much having to contribute financially alone is really difficult for you.

Reply 5

Kseniya MilkCHoc

Tell him about your thoughts that if you re a family you should lead mutal budget

Reply 6

Bloomdoom

Original post by claireestelle

Original post by Kseniya MilkCHoc

Tell him about your thoughts that if you re a family you should lead mutal budget

Thank you. The thing is I can afford to keep doing this, I don't have any financial problems at all and he knows this. My job pays enough to comfortably sustain both of our lives so in his mind he has no incentive to get a job.

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 7

Hirsty97

I'm guessing you're an attractive woman too?

Well you need to hypergamise and leave him while you can

Sorry ,mutual

Original post by Bloomdoom

I think you need to honestly tell him that it's bothering you, and if telling him that it's bothering you so much isn't any incentive to him at all then perhaps reconsider whether the relationship will go anywhere.

Reply 10

DrawTheLine

Original post by Hirsty97

I'm guessing you're an attractive woman too?

Well you need to hypergamise and leave him while you can

Re-read the post.

Reply 11

Rakas21

Original post by Bloomdoom

The first instinct is to say that you should remove yourself of this burden. It's one thing not to have a job, it's another not to even be bothered to look for one.

Since you don't want to dump him though you should perhaps calculate how much his games, drinks and phone costs and basically tell him that he must earn that much if he wants to live with you rent free.

Reply 12

Integer

If you don't want to be so upfront about it, you could say it's an expensive time of the year so contributing would make it easier to afford everything

Reply 13

Jigsaws mum

Tell him to stop being a lazy ****

Reply 14

bones-mccoy

You're going to have to be cruel to be kind. He's 20, he's got no reason not to have a job, he's quite simply just lazy. I could never be with someone who had no ambition, no motivation to even get up in the morning and look for work or better themselves. I understand that you love him but he sounds like a drain and needs to grow up.

Reply 15

Hirsty97

Original post by DrawTheLine

Re-read the post.

Haha my bad. 😣

To echo everyone else you shouldn't be with someone lazy. Their negative energy will be transmitted to you, you say you can sustain on £8 an hour but do you really want this to be your future? For as long as you're with him he will always be financial and mental baggage

Cleaning a flat doesn't really warrant appraisal either

Reply 16

doodle_333

Why are you putting up with that? He is taking you for a ride. It's not that there's 'no reason' for him to get a job if you're not struggling financially - the fact is he's selfish and expecting you to work 40 hours a week so he can live the lifestyle he wants. You need to talk to him and be really straight with him, tell him he has 2 months to be contributing to the household or he'll have to move out and you won't pay for his games/phone/etc.

Reply 17

ANM775

Original post by Bloomdoom

considering you're renting, and on £8 an hour and this is sustaining the both of you, you're not exactly rolling in cash, after rent and food i can't imagine there's a huge amount left

no way you'd ever be able to save up a deposit on a property living like that..

If you're happy to go on like this then keep dating him.

If not, then I think you're going to need to give him an ultimatum

Reply 18

xchloeann

Original post by Rakas21

Since you don't want to dump him though you should perhaps calculate how much his games, drinks and phone costs and basically tell him that he must earn that much if he wants to live with you rent free.