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She's cut me off (f***ed up situation, beware)

Hi

I've known a girl for about a year (we met when I was graduating) and she was with a friend of mine, and after they split, we started seeing each other. At the time, she lived near me. We hooked up and term started, and she moved back up to North Wales for Uni. I travelled up and visited her and slept with her for a few days before coming home. The relationship had blossomed into love for her, but I was not sure I felt as strongly about her. I've recently lost my mum and my emotions have been screwy for a while. Anyway, we had an argument online over this because she seemed to expect full on love, and she started ghosting me for a while. I initiate contact with her a week after the argument and she is polite, but strangely treats me like a stranger or distant friend. I discover she's been sleeping with other men, because she feels she has the right to, even though prior to this we had a close relationship. Next thing you know, she cuts me out of her life, tells me she doesn't love me anymore, and even though I beg her to just be a friend, its like she is treating me with disgust and she doesn't even want to talk to me ever again. I'm blocked on Facebook. This has been tearing me apart, because we were very close and intimate, I really do love her and I think that we could've at least been friends. My dad, a social worker, reckons she has an attachment disorder. I know this sounds pretty ****ed up, but I'd really appreciate any advice from anyone at this stage. Me and this girl were very close at one stage, but my mind is going crazy about all of the possibilities that has caused her to cut me off. I'm loosing the plot. Many thanks in advance
(edited 6 years ago)

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Move on man, if she doesnt wanna know you then bun her- plenty of girls out there.
Dude you need to just pack up your stuff and move on, if she's getting pissy cos she's not getting what she expected then she ain't worth it.. especially if you've been emotionally all over the place.. doesn't sound like she's worth it mate.
but hey.. end of the day its your choice
Reply 3
Avatar for Vallito
Vallito
10
Hey!
You dodged a bullet there and I tell you this from personal experience!
First of all I am really sorry to hear about your mum, I hope you are doing better now!
Second I feel like your dad is right. This girl does not "love" you but the illusion of you and the illusion of being in love. As you have said she admitted to loving you but then she does not understand when you are upset about your mum( and rightfully so). A person that loves you should love you despite all the ups and downs. She "ghosted" you when you needed her the most and that for me is a definite red flag there. If she leaves you while you are in a situation like this then she is 1. selfish and 2. not deserving of you.
Now about my personal experience - I was with a guy whom I really liked. We slept together a few times but I decided that I would like to keep it friendly as he would be going back to his home country in a few months ( so nothing serious could happen). We remained friends but as time passed he started avoiding me, which made me feel very uneasy as I always try and get on with people. I asked him about this and he reassured me we were friendly. A few months passed and I get a very hateful message from him, followed by a block on facebook. Needless to say, we were fake friends all along. It seems to me that your experience is similar to mine. She needed you there - she slept with you, she confided in you. As soon as you had a problem or needed her it seems that it was too much for her to handle so she ran, spinning it around to be your fault. Furthermore, she has already found a guy to replace you. That in itself should speak volumes to you about how much her love is worth.
My advice here is - do not fixate on her and on "having" her as she will never truly be yours. She will play with your heart when she is bored and then quickly replace you with someone else when you become inconvenient for her. I don't know about you but I would not put myself through that. What I would advise you yo do is to focus on your university and on your friend circle. Go out more and meet new girls, download Tinder if you must. There are plenty of wonderful girls out there that would more than love to be your friend/girlfriend. And as for the "being friends" part - forget it. This girl clearly does not what to be your friend and does not like you for you but uses you for your private parts. I have learned the hard way that once a person does not want to be around you it is very hard to change that, especially in situations like this.
I hope my answer helped you!
Take care and feel free to contact me if you'd like to talk more :smile:
Reply 4
Avatar for Guy1234
Guy1234
OP
8
Thanks for your reply. The funny thing is I've been feeling guilty about this because she accused me of playing with her heart, although I feel that as soon as she got with someone else, she got over me. She got with me within days of her ex, and they'd been together five long years, I don't know if she is capable of love.

Yet technically, I'm not blocked on fb, I just can't contact her. So does she want me to view her profile to make me jealous or something?
(edited 6 years ago)
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No, you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Reply 6
Avatar for Guy1234
Guy1234
OP
8
Yeah that did cross my mind a few times lol
I think you're being really selfish. You told her you didn't feel as strongly about her as she does about you even though she clearly had strong feelings for you, so she has done what she has to do to get over you. I also think that we are only getting half the story and you probably messed her feelings around for a while before you decided that you didn't have the same feelings for her. Did you really expect her to keep professing her love for you after you told her you don't feel the same way?

She doesn't owe you anything, even a friendship. You were never in a proper relationship so what does it matter that she has been seeing other guys? This is a typical case of "I don't want you but now I see you with other guys then maybe I do want you but I don't want a relationship I just want to continue to have you at my disposal."

Seen it, lived it, heard is 100000 times before.
An I assure you that she has no kind of emotional disorder. She is just a normal girl doing what she has to do to get over someone she has fallen in love with. Best thing you can do it just leave her alone and move on.
Reply 9
Avatar for Guy1234
Guy1234
OP
8
I swear to you that I love her. I dreamt last night of her coming back to me, adding me on facebook and initiating contact. Like i said, the loss in my family has ****ed up my life for a while, but I really need her back.
(edited 6 years ago)
Yep, only because she has now made herself unavailable to you. What has happened to you is bad and I’m sorry, but you messed her about whichever way you look at it and you are just going to have to accept it and move on.
She's out of my life....

MJ song :yy::yy:

Posted from TSR Mobile
Reply 12
Avatar for Guy1234
Guy1234
OP
8
Original post by del1rious
Yep, only because she has now made herself unavailable to you. What has happened to you is bad and I’m sorry, but you messed her about whichever way you look at it and you are just going to have to accept it and move on.


So if she came back, I would loose these feelings? I can't believe if she loved me that sleeping around would make her get over it.

And I can't believe the last thing she said to me was that she didn't think it was love. Has she really got over me that quickly?
(edited 6 years ago)
I guarantee you wouldn’t have had these feelings so strongly if she hadn’t cut you off, you only want her because you now can’t have her and are jealous. Honestly you do come accross as quite possessive.

It’s actually quite common to be promiscuous following some kind of break up. Do yourself a favour and stop trying to analyse her behaviour which is quite frankly none of your business.
Reply 14
Avatar for Guy1234
Guy1234
OP
8
Original post by del1rious
I guarantee you wouldn’t have had these feelings so strongly if she hadn’t cut you off, you only want her because you now can’t have her and are jealous. Honestly you do come accross as quite possessive.

It’s actually quite common to be promiscuous following some kind of break up. Do yourself a favour and stop trying to analyse her behaviour which is quite frankly none of your business.


I do appreciate everything your saying to me. But we've been friends for what feels like such a long time, and I hoped we could've at least still been able to chat.
(edited 6 years ago)
Original post by Glyndwrkid
I do appreciate everything your saying to me. But we've been friends for what feels like such a long time, and I hoped we could've at least still been able to chat.


I hoped I would win the lottery last week.

Neither of us are getting what we want. That being the case, you have two choices: You can let it beat you or you can move on. It's up to you, man. She doesn't owe you a relationship of any kind - Friend or romantic.

If you continue along this path, I see a restraining order in your future and worse things happening. Just let it go.
Original post by ThatOldGuy
I hoped I would win the lottery last week.

Neither of us are getting what we want. That being the case, you have two choices: You can let it beat you or you can move on. It's up to you, man. She doesn't owe you a relationship of any kind - Friend or romantic.

If you continue along this path, I see a restraining order in your future and worse things happening. Just let it go.


Agreed!
Original post by del1rious
I guarantee you wouldn’t have had these feelings so strongly if she hadn’t cut you off, you only want her because you now can’t have her and are jealous. Honestly you do come accross as quite possessive.

It’s actually quite common to be promiscuous following some kind of break up. Do yourself a favour and stop trying to analyse her behaviour which is quite frankly none of your business.


I don't think you are trying to understand the situation.
He told her he doesn't have strong feelings for her after he lost his mum, now I might be wrong here but if I lose my mother I would be in despair and extremely sad and I doubt I would be emotionally stable to dedicate my "full love" to someone, even my boyfriend.
I think it is a reasonable human reaction for someone who has lost a family member to be closed out and cold towards other people. What she should have done as a loving girlfriend is been there for him and give him time and space to heal and regain his emotional stability, and she did not.
Of course, I was not there and have not first hand witnessed it, and as you said- there are always two sides to a story, but from what we have I can clearly see where he is coming from.
She got with him after she broke up with her ex-boyfriend (of 5 years), she was with him for 1 year and now she is with someone else. Maybe it is just me but if I truly loved someone and separated I'd want some sort of a break so I can move past it. It seems to me that this girl does not really know what love is(and who does, actually?), but is more latching on to whoever boy is available and willing to put effort and emotion into her. I have done that, I have been there and this is something very familiar to me.
It is sad for me to say but I truly feel like she did not have "strong feelings" for him, judging that not long after she started to sleep around, but rather has an attachment disorder. To be honest most people do. We often don't want to be alone. Some people go and make friends, others go and get boyfriends/girlfriends to pass time, it's normal.

Anyway, as other forumers have told you it is best to get over her and move on. At least the person above was right for one thing - you are "loving" her now because she is not yours. Don't obsess over her or stalk her on facebook just try and spend time and effort in hobbies and frineds rather than focusing on her.
Original post by Glyndwrkid
Hi

I've known a girl for about a year (we met when I was graduating) and she was with a friend of mine, and after they split, we started seeing each other. At the time, she lived near me. We hooked up and term started, and she moved back up to North Wales for Uni. I travelled up and visited her and slept with her for a few days before coming home. The relationship had blossomed into love for her, but I was not sure I felt as strongly about her. I've recently lost my mum and my emotions have been screwy for a while. Anyway, we had an argument online over this because she seemed to expect full on love, and she started ghosting me for a while. I initiate contact with her a week after the argument and she is polite, but strangely treats me like a stranger or distant friend. I discover she's been sleeping with other men, because she feels she has the right to, even though prior to this we had a close relationship. Next thing you know, she cuts me out of her life, tells me she doesn't love me anymore, and even though I beg her to just be a friend, its like she is treating me with disgust and she doesn't even want to talk to me ever again. I'm blocked on Facebook. This has been tearing me apart, because we were very close and intimate, I really do love her and I think that we could've at least been friends. My dad, a social worker, reckons she has an attachment disorder. I know this sounds pretty ****ed up, but I'd really appreciate any advice from anyone at this stage. Me and this girl were very close at one stage, but my mind is going crazy about all of the possibilities that has caused her to cut me off. I'm loosing the plot. Many thanks in advance


Entitlement issues much? You can't leave someone you admit cares about you hanging on mate. And then expect her to not be sleeping with other people when you treat her like that. That's just ****ed up, as you say. Perhaps show some respect and tell her how you feel. When we bottle things up, that adds to confusion. And don't expect her to wait around, she has a right to be happy and you're denying her that by keeping her hanging on.
Original post by Vallito
I don't think you are trying to understand the situation.
He told her he doesn't have strong feelings for her after he lost his mum, now I might be wrong here but if I lose my mother I would be in despair and extremely sad and I doubt I would be emotionally stable to dedicate my "full love" to someone, even my boyfriend.
I think it is a reasonable human reaction for someone who has lost a family member to be closed out and cold towards other people. What she should have done as a loving girlfriend is been there for him and give him time and space to heal and regain his emotional stability, and she did not.
Of course, I was not there and have not first hand witnessed it, and as you said- there are always two sides to a story, but from what we have I can clearly see where he is coming from.
She got with him after she broke up with her ex-boyfriend (of 5 years), she was with him for 1 year and now she is with someone else. Maybe it is just me but if I truly loved someone and separated I'd want some sort of a break so I can move past it. It seems to me that this girl does not really know what love is(and who does, actually?), but is more latching on to whoever boy is available and willing to put effort and emotion into her. I have done that, I have been there and this is something very familiar to me.
It is sad for me to say but I truly feel like she did not have "strong feelings" for him, judging that not long after she started to sleep around, but rather has an attachment disorder. To be honest most people do. We often don't want to be alone. Some people go and make friends, others go and get boyfriends/girlfriends to pass time, it's normal.

Anyway, as other forumers have told you it is best to get over her and move on. At least the person above was right for one thing - you are "loving" her now because she is not yours. Don't obsess over her or stalk her on facebook just try and spend time and effort in hobbies and frineds rather than focusing on her.


Sorry but that doesn't give him the right to be a ****.

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