Oh dear! My fianceé doesn't know about my kid!

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Reply 40

username917703

Original post by JamesGardiner96

the mother of the child requested a lump sum of £125,000 to look after the child, which I've agreed to pay

Why the **** would you agree to pay 125k just because she asked for it? What the ****.

Reply 41

ANM775

Original post by JamesGardiner96

the mother of the child requested a lump sum of £125,000 to look after the child, which I've agreed to pay

It's times like these I wish I had a vagina

cause I would be asking you OP ...can us two try for a baby as well?

Reply 42

username2406123

Original post by JamesGardiner96

If I was seeking judgment I'd seek advice from my friends. I'm here talking to strangers about being at my most vulnerable just for some advice minus the judgment.

I don't think you understand the situation; I have a son that my fianceé already knows about and was willing to marry me knowing that I had a child.

But, Sunday I found out I have another child. Obviously, my fianceé does not know.

Great for ignoring my other comment where I actually say your fiance might not even mind.... Like another user yalia said, you're too impulsive.

Reply 43

Avaia

Be honest with her, explain everything. But just be aware that she may not react well, and she is entitled to her reaction :smile:

Reply 44

JamesGardiner96

Original post by ANM775

It's times like these I wish I had a vagina

cause I would be asking you OP ...can us two try for a baby as well?

I shouldn't be laughing. Literally on the verge of emotional destruction, but that humor did me good.

Reply 45

JamesGardiner96

Original post by Salt Queen

Great for ignoring my other comment where I actually say your fiance might not even mind.... Like another user yalia said, you're too impulsive.

Your other comment was clearly sarcastic so I brushed passed it.

Reply 46

JamesGardiner96

Original post by Wilfred Little

Why the **** would you agree to pay 125k just because she asked for it? What the ****.

Yeah, I've said it a few times in the thread now, after speaking to my solicitor money would be in installments. He's drafted a legal contract.

Reply 47

username2406123

Original post by JamesGardiner96

Your other comment was clearly sarcastic so I brushed passed it.

Excuse me? How the hell are you gonna say I was being sarcastic? I was actually trying to be nice which is why I normally act mean because of people like you. Do you even know the comment I'm speaking about? Ugh get your life together, bye.

Reply 48

JamesGardiner96

Original post by Salt Queen

sorry.

and i'm trying my best.

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 49

username917703

Original post by JamesGardiner96

Yeah, I've said it a few times in the thread now, after speaking to my solicitor money would be in installments. He's drafted a legal contract.

Do you have to pay this? I don't have kids and I don't know anything about the legal side to something like this but it struck me that she seemed to pull 125k out of her arse and you just agreed to it?

Why 125k?

Reply 50

JamesGardiner96

i told her she walked out, she said she needs time.

Reply 51

ughhhhhfam

Original post by JamesGardiner96

updt she walked out. said she needs time. I'm a wreck.

It probably doesn't seem like it right now but you did the right thing by telling her. This is better than your fiancee finding out like 5 years into your marriage.

Give her the time she needs and I hope you guys will sort things out.

Reply 52

username3515308

Original post by JamesGardiner96

updt she walked out. said she needs time. I'm a wreck.

I'd probably walk out too if a girl did that to me. You must have your reasons though? Quite strange, you're supposed to tell the person you're marrying everything.

Reply 53

del1rious

Did you get tested??? God forbid you passed on a STI to your unsuspecting fiancé

Reply 54

del1rious

Original post by JamesGardiner96

Should I let her know this Thursday? I've got dinner with her parents in the afternoon, or does it sound like a bad time.

Oh crikey I am glad you didn’t go down this route. Are you insane? This would have been like a scene in coronation street

Reply 55

DrawTheLine

Original post by lukauu

I'd probably walk out too if a girl did that to me. You must have your reasons though? Quite strange, you're supposed to tell the person you're marrying everything.

He found out on Sunday. Today is Tuesday. He found out two days ago. He didn't know about this kid until two days ago. He just had to think about how to tell his fiancee. It's not like he kept this a secret for months.

(edited 4 years ago)

Reply 56

username3515308

Original post by DrawTheLine

Oh no just realised he edited it! Sorry OP!

Yeah I probably wouldn't walk out in that case.

(edited 4 years ago)

Reply 57

Shabby33

Original post by JamesGardiner96

updt she walked out. said she needs time. I'm a wreck.

Atleast your not suspended from school :smile:

Reply 58

Nerry

well what the hell did you think would happen?

you tell people that shiz from the beginning

would you want a woman with a kid to keep it from you??

and lol at how ashamed you are of your kid that you had to keep it a secret for so long

yeah kids are a burden, theres no denying. should have had the sense to wear a hood... oh well, live with it now

Reply 59

invisibleswords

Original post by JamesGardiner96

You sound very judgemental, the exact reason I avoided all of my closest friends.
Hang on, let me explain.

Firstly, 11 months felt right and it wasn't just me; she used to hint toward the idea, so I proposed. Timing is relative, I mean when would you say is the ideal time - there is none.

Secondly, it was a mistake I made having unprotected sex. However, that child is still mine and deserves to have someone there, regardless of everything I did wrong, that child deserves to have everything. I met with the child's mother and I agreed to support MY child, so how is doing so a bad move? (as you refer to it.)

Thirdly, there's a rush because my company is relocating in the few months after the wedding, so it was honestly the last available time we could get all the family and friends together without having them to fly out to Canada.

I came here for advice on how to let my fiancee know about my child but end up justifying my marriage and everything revolving around it.

Firstly, there is an ideal time, it's after you have moved to a different country and got settled in your job.

Secondly, yes, of course a child deserves everything, there's no way your mistakes should get in the way of that, the point you seem to be missing is that agreeing all this stuff without discussing it first with your fiance shows a complete lack of integrity. You said you didn't discuss it with her because you're worried about losing her, not communicating that you're spending £125,000 is the exact reason why you could lose her. Relationships are built on trust, you'd know that if you'd been together for more than a year, what you're doing right now is complete betrayal of her trust in you.

Thirdly, that's dumb.

You joined a forum for advice from strangers rather than having the bottle to actually speak to the people that are important.

Mate, grow up. Go phone your fiance and get this sorted now.