Want to but can't

I really, really want to come out as transgender (ftm) to my parents and friends, but I can't. I'm too scared.

I am only 13, but I know it isn't a phase.

Someone in my year who is friends with my friend (I know him, but never really talk to him) is transgender (ftm). I know that my friend is fine with it. I'm pretty sure my other friends would be as well (don't have many but you know :P).

My family isn't religious or anything. My parents work in a jobcenter, and have had training on LGBTQ issues etc. They know what being transgender is, to call people by their preferred name / pronouns etc. It isn't dangerous or anything to come out.

I just can't. I'm too scared. Just now I was crying, because I can only be who I really am if I come out, but I'm too scared to. The main reason for me wanting to come out is so I can get my hair cut short (not like a pixie cut, but like a males haircut). I also want to get a binder, but they are really expensive. I desperately want hormone blockers (and testosterone and surgery in the future). I really DONT want to talk to some stranger miles and miles away from my house (as far as I am aware there is only one GIC for children and it is in Tavistock) who decides if I am 'trans enough' etc. I am a very shy person around strangers, or even around people I know (for example I pretty much never put my hand up in class because I am too scared). I never talk about how I feel to anyone, and I don't want to. I can barely go up and ask a teacher for help, let alone talking about my most personal feelings and problems to a stranger. Honestly, it is more than just being a bit shy in my opinion.


Why do I have to do things that scare me out of my mind and talk to strangers about who I feel I am and how I feel etc JUST TO BE WHO I AM.


Just... why..???


Honestly recently was when I started feeling 'proper' dysphoria. I've never really experienced it before then. These past couple of nights whilst going to sleep I get tears in my eyes, thinking 'I can't grow up to be a woman'. Heck, I can barely say the word woman without me just feeling, well I don't know what I'm feeling, but one word to describe it would be 'no'. Every time I look in the mirror and see my boobs, my curves, I just feel wrong. I just hate them. I don't feel trapped in my body, but I know I cannot live as this sex for the rest of my life.

It's different to looking in the mirror and thinking 'I'm fat'. I don't feel like that about being fat (I kinda am). I don't feel like it's wrong, I just feel that it is a bad thing, and I need to lose weight. Not that it is wrong, and I desperately want it to change. There is a reason to why people in general don't like being fat. It isn't that flattering etc of your body and it can be unhealthy.

Being a girl isn't unhealthy. There is no reason for me to hate the sex that I am, and the physical traits that come with it. I just do. I look in the mirror and just feel wrong. Like I have to change my body to be male.

I'm atheist, but sometimes think that I want to die, and be reborn as a male.
I don't believe in this and wouldn't kill myself, but I kinda just want to start my life again. As a male. I know that isn't possible, but I want it to be.

Thanks for reading my messed up rant!

I really, really want to come out as transgender (ftm) to my parents and friends, but I can't. I'm too scared.

I am only 13, but I know it isn't a phase.

Someone in my year who is friends with my friend (I know him, but never really talk to him) is transgender (ftm). I know that my friend is fine with it. I'm pretty sure my other friends would be as well (don't have many but you know :P).

My family isn't religious or anything. My parents work in a jobcenter, and have had training on LGBTQ issues etc. They know what being transgender is, to call people by their preferred name / pronouns etc. It isn't dangerous or anything to come out.

I just can't. I'm too scared. Just now I was crying, because I can only be who I really am if I come out, but I'm too scared to. The main reason for me wanting to come out is so I can get my hair cut short (not like a pixie cut, but like a males haircut). I also want to get a binder, but they are really expensive. I desperately want hormone blockers (and testosterone and surgery in the future). I really DONT want to talk to some stranger miles and miles away from my house (as far as I am aware there is only one GIC for children and it is in Tavistock) who decides if I am 'trans enough' etc. I am a very shy person around strangers, or even around people I know (for example I pretty much never put my hand up in class because I am too scared). I never talk about how I feel to anyone, and I don't want to. I can barely go up and ask a teacher for help, let alone talking about my most personal feelings and problems to a stranger. Honestly, it is more than just being a bit shy in my opinion.


Why do I have to do things that scare me out of my mind and talk to strangers about who I feel I am and how I feel etc JUST TO BE WHO I AM.


Just... why..???


Honestly recently was when I started feeling 'proper' dysphoria. I've never really experienced it before then. These past couple of nights whilst going to sleep I get tears in my eyes, thinking 'I can't grow up to be a woman'. Heck, I can barely say the word woman without me just feeling, well I don't know what I'm feeling, but one word to describe it would be 'no'. Every time I look in the mirror and see my boobs, my curves, I just feel wrong. I just hate them. I don't feel trapped in my body, but I know I cannot live as this sex for the rest of my life.

It's different to looking in the mirror and thinking 'I'm fat'. I don't feel like that about being fat (I kinda am). I don't feel like it's wrong, I just feel that it is a bad thing, and I need to lose weight. Not that it is wrong, and I desperately want it to change. There is a reason to why people in general don't like being fat. It isn't that flattering etc of your body and it can be unhealthy.

Being a girl isn't unhealthy. There is no reason for me to hate the sex that I am, and the physical traits that come with it. I just do. I look in the mirror and just feel wrong. Like I have to change my body to be male.

I'm atheist, but sometimes think that I want to die, and be reborn as a male.
I don't believe in this and wouldn't kill myself, but I kinda just want to start my life again. As a male. I know that isn't possible, but I want it to be.

Thanks for reading my messed up rant!

its really hard to take what ur saying seriously as ur only 13-you might think you know whats up but youre way to young to be thinking about a sex change-imo
cut ur hair-see how u feel and ****. 5 more years of being unhappy before I think u should be thinking about surgery-think of the positives (wo)man

its really hard to take what ur saying seriously as ur only 13-you might think you know whats up but youre way to young to be thinking about a sex change-imo
cut ur hair-see how u feel and ****. 5 more years of being unhappy before I think u should be thinking about surgery-think of the positives (wo)man

Just saying that in the future, right now I want to.
I don't see myself changing my mind, but I might.

I mean when I think about myself when I'm older, I see myself as being male.

That was a post saying how I feel right now. I could change my mind but I doubt it.

again mate, ur just sounding like a clueless 13yr old to me-its just how I see it, bluntly ofc

Oh yeah, I know I'm too young for all that.
The only thing I might be able to get is hormone blockers. They would stop periods etc and don't leave any permanent changes to my body.

Testosterone etc does. You have to be over 16 (not sure if it is 16 17 or 18) to get any of that anyways.

You won't get any hormone blockers on the NHS without first going through extensive therapy lasting years.