How do you explain to people about autism

Original post by Anonymous

Hey so I'm just having trouble sleeping and this is really bugging me.
I was recently diagnosed as autistic, and I'm first year undergraduate, living in halls, and I want to work out the best way to explain to my flatmates that I'm not being rude / antisocial, it's just sometimes I'm blunt / stand-off-ish / don't like to be touched / get sensory overloads / don't know what to say in silences because I'm autistic. I've said it kind of off the cuff in a jokey way, but I want them to understand me, because I really like them all, but sometimes I feel kind of eggy after talking to them, like I made a faux pas or something. I just don't know how to explain the things that I struggle with without sounding like a victim / really negative / attention seeking. It also makes me really tired because I really have to think carefully and get really anxious around them because I want them to like me because I really like them. I have some pretty deep issues besides the whole autism thing (lots of family stuff, mental health stuff, bullying, self-esteem, you name it, the usual crap), and I don't want people to be put off me just because I'm quite complicated??
It just gets me really down that I can't seem to get it right with them. I feel like if they understood what I struggle with they'd understand my behaviour better.
I really struggle with personal relationships, so I really value the ones I have, and I want to be good friends with these people.
This probably sounds pathetic but it's 2am and I can't sleep, and was wondering how other people explain autism to people who probably have very little idea about what it entails?
Also on anon cos I'm p embarrassed about this, because I always knew I was kind of autistic, but I thought it was just mild, but they said I fit the Aspergers profile so... Basically I'm just hyper aware of everything I do now and it's a difficult time anyway, starting afresh, meeting new people. I just have no confidence.

Aspergers is high functioning autism.

I used to hide it but I just tell people now. Yes it annoys me when some people want to argue how I can't be autistic, but I realised now most people don't care or they've forgotten what autism is.

Reply 3

elmosandy

Original post by Froppy

Why do you have to tell them anything? Not sure how that would help...labelling yourself means people might change the way they treat you which can be a bad thing. I'm sure the friends you mentioned are use to your mannerisms and the way you act by now...they probably think that's just the way you are.

BTW i was also diagnosed with Asperger...i was quiet, shy and pretty bad at socialising but i went through college without telling anyone. The other people on my course just thought i was a very shy individual. However there was another boy on my course who clearly also had Asperger...he was open about it and told everyone. I think because of this the people on my course treated him differently than me. They made little jokes at his expense and he didn't really belong to a group of friends.

So just from my personal experience i think it's not worth telling people your problems. It would feel good to get it off your chest but it could change the way people treat you and you might regret it. I'm sure others will disagree but that's just my opinion.

Have you told people at uni? I have to double read as I thought the boy you were talking had that experience at uni..

Reply 4

Claire461

21

3 of my grandchildren are autistic, all from the same family and their father is autistic. The oldest didn't find things so difficult when she was in school, but now she is in college, she struggles with the attitudes of other students and sometimes teaching staff. She says 'they don't like me, Nanny'. I tell her,no, they just don't get you. You can't change the way you are to suit other people.'

Reply 5

OP

Wow these replies are so dire. 😂 I am a girl. So I guess it presents slightly differently in girls? Everyone I have told so far has been really kind and considerate, I definitely haven't been teased etc? I get teased more for my dyslexia / dyspraxia, not for autism, but even then it's just banter.
These people are genuinely nice people, I know they wouldn't tease me about it. They have really looked after me so far, especially the boys tend to treat me like a little sister.
I wasn't really looking for a list of negative experiences, because I know plenty of people have had a hard time.
I was hoping to get some concise ways to explain what autism is or some good analogies?

Reply 6

Tiger Rag

I've found it depends what you want them to know. I had to explain it to a friend of mine. But i realised I had a problem - he's much older than me and grew up in a time when the only people diagnosed had things like behaviour problems and little or no speech. He'd explained previously that he'd retired from teaching in further education in 2000, so it was unlikely that he'd knowingly come into contact with anyone with Autism. (he did later explain that growing up, he had a friend with it who didn't talk)

I just said something like I have a learning disability called Autism, which in my case (which is why I had to tell him) causes problems with how I understand language.

That was all I said, because imo, that was all that was relevant at the time.

Reply 7

OP

Original post by Tiger Rag

I've found it depends what you want them to know. I had to explain it to a friend of mine. But i realised I had a problem - he's much older than me and grew up in a time when the only people diagnosed had things like behaviour problems and little or no speech. He'd explained previously that he'd retired from teaching in further education in 2000, so it was unlikely that he'd knowingly come into contact with anyone with Autism. (he did later explain that growing up, he had a friend with it who didn't talk)

I just said something like I have a learning disability called Autism, which in my case (which is why I had to tell him) causes problems with how I understand language.

That was all I said, because imo, that was all that was relevant at the time.

Actually that's a really good way to explain it. Difficulties understanding language. Thank you so much, that's just what I was looking for. Because I always explain my dyslexia and dyspraxia in terms of having high IQ and slow processing speed, and I was looking for that kind of equivalent, something that encapsulates it and allows them to draw their own conclusions.
I guess it's just I didn't know how to express it because it's only a recent realisation whereas my dyslexia / dyspraxia was identified when I was 5.

Reply 8

Original post by Anonymous

Hey so I'm just having trouble sleeping and this is really bugging me.

Keep your autism a secret. This disorder is a meme to people and for that i find that very ****ing offensive.

Nobody understands autism, good thing about you is that you have friends, as i, as an autistic, i have no friends, i have nobody, i'm here every night drinking myself to death in uni. However people don't know that i'm autistic (albeit i know they think i'm odd).

Keep it a secret please. If you tell, then get ready to be treated as indifferent/****.

Reply 9

Tiger Rag

Original post by Anonymous

Keep your autism a secret. This disorder is a meme to people and for that i find that very ****ing offensive.

Nobody understands autism, good thing about you is that you have friends, as i, as an autistic, i have no friends, i have nobody, i'm here every night drinking myself to death in uni. However people don't know that i'm autistic (albeit i know they think i'm odd).

Keep it a secret please. If you tell, then get ready to be treated as indifferent/****.

I'm sorry but that's a load of rubbish. The only reason I'm treated differently is because my friend has no choice. It's either treat me differently or treat me the same as everyone else and be constantly frustrated.

What exactly do you find offensive?

Reply 10

Original post by Tiger Rag

I'm sorry but that's a load of rubbish. The only reason I'm treated differently is because my friend has no choice (Your friend is an example why i will never say my autism). It's either treat me differently or treat me the same as everyone else and be constantly frustrated.

What exactly do you find offensive?

You are lucky you have friends. My Autism makes me to have no friends at all. Haven't had 1 friend since 2011. ****eries.

I'm offended because of the way autistic people are perceived. I was reading a newspaper the other day about how an autistic guy had no friends and his sister said 'everyone must send him a birthday card' because he had no friends. It is so similar to me and it pains me that i have no friends.

If i told people i'm autistic, things would get dramatically worse; i'm already shy, quiet and aloof, to tell people i'm autistic would be the icing on their cake.. They would just 'banter' with it and that would pain and annoy me. Anyway makes no difference, i know everyone sees me as someone who has no friends... that's why i avoid lectures everyday... **** going to a lecture and sitting alone.

Sorry if it had turn into a rant but i'm ****ing in pain because of this painful disorder i've had for over a decade

Reply 11

Anonymous #3

I generally only tell employers, my University and anyone else who would need to know on a professional basis. Beyond that, only close friends whom I deeply trust and know would not share that knowledge with anyone else. Not everyone has to be as secretive - it's a personal preference who to speak of your diagnosis to. I just find that by keeping the knowledge of my diagnosis confined to just a few trusted people, I haven't made such a thing of it that I find myself being held back my perceptions of what people think of it (because who really cares about that anyway?!).

Reply 12

OP

Original post by Anonymous

I generally only tell employers, my University and anyone else who would need to know on a professional basis. Beyond that, only close friends whom I deeply trust and know would not share that knowledge with anyone else. Not everyone has to be as secretive - it's a personal preference who to speak of your diagnosis to. I just find that by keeping the knowledge of my diagnosis confined to just a few trusted people, I haven't made such a thing of it that I find myself being held back my perceptions of what people think of it (because who really cares about that anyway?!).

Yeah I have a friend who's also autistic who shares the same view as you. She has only told me, her uni, and her mum. I'm a bit of an over-sharer though, I really lack a filter.
I mean I don't know where all of you are based obviously, but I'm in London, and so far when I've shared these things I've been met with curiosity, not judgement, and people have always asked me to explain. However, I'm not very good at explaining it concisely, and then end up sounding a bit like a maniac 😂
I think my oversharing and generally "ditzy" persona is how I cope with not knowing what to say in conversations. I'm not even slightly ditzy but I use it as a kind of shield so that people write of any weirdness as just a silly mistake.

Reply 13

OP

Original post by Anonymous

You are lucky you have friends. My Autism makes me to have no friends at all. Haven't had 1 friend since 2011. ****eries.

I'm offended because of the way autistic people are perceived. I was reading a newspaper the other day about how an autistic guy had no friends and his sister said 'everyone must send him a birthday card' because he had no friends. It is so similar to me and it pains me that i have no friends.

If i told people i'm autistic, things would get dramatically worse; i'm already shy, quiet and aloof, to tell people i'm autistic would be the icing on their cake.. They would just 'banter' with it and that would pain and annoy me. Anyway makes no difference, i know everyone sees me as someone who has no friends... that's why i avoid lectures everyday... **** going to a lecture and sitting alone.

Sorry if it had turn into a rant but i'm ****ing in pain because of this painful disorder i've had for over a decade

I really feel for you mate. People can be quite patronising about it, admittedly some older people I've told, like one of my close friend's mum, have said "oh there must be some sort of training for people like that", like I'm some sort of infant that doesn't understand anything. 😂 But she didn't mean to be cruel or anything, she was just really uneducated about autism, and since I've had a good long talk with her she doesn't say silly stuff like that anymore.
As for lectures, personally I cope by acting really dizzy and being like "oh do you mind awfully if I sit with you" and that kind of thing, so I try to just act bubbly even though I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack lololol. I haven't really made any friends at uni yet either, but I'm not bothered because it took 2 years of secondary school for me to make any friends.
Does your uni know you're autistic? There may be some kind of autistic community / support thing, I know some unis have those. (Mine doesn't though.) I'm also bi, so I meet a lot of non-judgemental people through lgbt events.
I completely get your frustration though xx (and it's alright to rant a bit - best bit about online forums! 😂)

Reply 14

Original post by Anonymous

Does your uni know you're autistic? There may be some kind of autistic community / support thing, I know some unis have those. (Mine doesn't though.) I'm also bi, so I meet a lot of non-judgemental people through lgbt events.
I completely get your frustration though xx (and it's alright to rant a bit - best bit about online forums! 😂)

The uni knows im autistic but unfortunately its up to me to ask for that support and i have had that support twice and it has been **** (third year at uni though not my last :frown:

)

There is, or there was, an autistic society in my uni. I contacted the president of that society in the summer to join but since it has now been well into a month at uni, the president hasn't even bothered to make a meeting of the autistic society thus it seems he can't be bothered (he's autistic too). The aim of that was to abandoned normal people and start making friends with autistic people.

Truthfully i don't care anymore. I've abandoned my career aspects, i'm fully a recluse. I'm set to transfer to distance learning anyway and i want to continue working in a **** waiter job working 14 hours just to cover my pain with my autism and depression.

Good luck

Reply 15

doodle_333

19

If you want to tell them but don't want to freak them out then 1. you want to limit the 'scary info' for example don't also tell them about all your family issues and mental health problems at the same time... and 2. try and keep the conversation positive and open - for example if you can tell them specific helpful things then they will probably be happier because they feel like they can help and if you make it clear they can tell you if you did something wrong then they won't feel so under pressure (and it's good for you too as you can learn from mistakes)

Reply 16

Chicken.M.

20

Original post by Anonymous

Also on anon cos I'm p embarrassed about this, because I always knew I was kind of autistic, but I thought it was just mild, but they said I fit the Aspergers profile so... Basically I'm just hyper aware of everything I do now and it's a difficult time anyway, starting afresh, meeting new people. I just have no confidence.

Asperges is mild.

I'm probably on the spectrum too (mental health specialist thinks so) but I'm really high functioning so I wasn't really interested in getting it diagnosed. I've been diagnosed with ADHD though and I just tell people. "I have ADHD btw lol". I don't think anything of it. I also have a bunch of friends diagnosed with different mental health problems so it's not a big deal imo.

So ye it's just.

"Btw I have ADHD. Just so you know lol"

Sometimes if you're speaking to an idiot they argue with you saying ADHD doesn't exist and when you tell them you take medication they bring out conspiracy theories about big pharm. :laugh:

I just blank them.

Original post by Anonymous

Keep your autism a secret. This disorder is a meme to people and for that i find that very ****ing offensive.

Nobody understands autism, good thing about you is that you have friends, as i, as an autistic, i have no friends, i have nobody, i'm here every night drinking myself to death in uni. However people don't know that i'm autistic (albeit i know they think i'm odd).

Keep it a secret please. If you tell, then get ready to be treated as indifferent/****.

You'l be treated more kindly if you tell people your autistic.

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 17

Tiger Rag

Original post by ChickenMadness

You'l be treated more kindly if you tell people your autistic.

Indeed. And if not, they're really not worth your time.

Reply 18