GF is mad because I didn't go with her to her friends party because I'd hurt myself.

So the GF and I were planning on going to her best friend's 21st birthday party (already felt awkward as it was a close-knit friendship group and I've met them only once) but during a shift at work the day of the party I managed to sprain an ankle and bruise the heel of my foot.

Ended up limping around for the rest of my shift in pain because of this.

Realising it would only get worse from spending a night standing around (where even sitting was painful for me) talking I thought it best to tell the GF I didn't want to go with her. She didn't like that. Apart from accusing me of simply just not wanting to meet her friends and telling me how I'll embarrass her by not going with her, she belittled me by saying how sick she'd been feeling and that her knee hurt but she was still going.. which is a kick in the balls because I'd have never made her feel guilty for not going out with me if she'd said her knee was hurting so why can't she do the same for me?

This was a lose-lose situation for me. If I'd gone I'd have been grumpy at having to deal with this pain for hours on end while trying to talk to people I don't know and may have spoiled the entire evening and upset the GF (at this point we'd argued so much it was ruined for her regardless).. but if I hadn't gone I'd have upset my girlfriend. I thought the latter would be the safest option.

TL;DR Hurt my ankle and foot at work leading me to not go with GF to her best friend's birthday. She took this as me not wanting to meet her friends and now won't talk to me.

Reply 1

abiantoinette

no offence but your GF needs to grow a pair and maybe check if youre okay? see if you need ice? that kind of thing, there will be other gatherings for you guys to go to, in all honesty i dont know why its a big deal. all you can do is thoroughly explain the situation and remember to ice your ankle 👍🏾

Reply 2

Future-Barista

I can understand why she would be upset, but she should have really considered your feelings a bit more expecially considering you've only met the birthday girl once.
The worst thing you can do is start arguing with her so I would recommend considering going to a GP and getting evidence that you have actually hurt yourself.
Hopefully when she's confronted with valid evidence for why you couldn't go, she'll understand and apologise for getting angry.

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

If she's not understanding, then maybe she isn't the right gf. It seems like she's only bothered about herself and herself getting embarrassed and not your well being. A girl who doesn't care about you is not worth it

Reply 4

Anonymous #3

Ultimately, if you wanted to go you would have found a way to still attend even if you were seated for most of the night. It would have been a funny icebreaker to get to know these new people. Are you sure you weren't feeling a little socially anxious about the prospect of fending for yourself with her close-knit group of friends? Or are you not sure if you take the relationship seriously enough to want to spend time with these friends?

I think it's valid that she would have been embarrassed by your non-attendance because she knows her friends will have seen it for what it is: shying away from this next important step in your relationship.

Reply 5

sailorsoraka

Original post by Anonymous

i mean does sitting in a chair all night, in pain, with a bunch of people you barely know, sound appealing to you? i really don't see how the girlfriend's fear of embarrassment (which seems irrational seeing as she can just explain to her friends that her partner isn't well) justifies her putting her partner in that situation. i don't know why you're asking questions implying he's not taking the relationship seriously just because he won't put himself in a situation he clearly doesn't want to be in - how about we talk about how the girlfriend isn't taking her bfs pain seriously and belittled him for it?

edit - man i didnt even notice this thread was from 2 years ago

(edited 4 years ago)

Reply 6

Anonymous #3

Original post by sailorsoraka

Re: 2 years ago, haha neither did I.

I definitely take your points but I detected social anxiety or general resistance in the way he portrayed the situation. I think in a healthy relationship it also wouldn't have been an issue for her. Rather than viewing her as a control freak, I'm thinking his decision not to go and her reaction are symptomatic of other issues. I also stand by the conventional wisdom/cliché that 'where there's a will there's a way' in these early relationship matters.

Anyway, maybe now with the benefit of two years' hindsight he can enlighten us!

Reply 7

username2949858

Original post by Future-Barista

but she shouldn't need evidence, she should trust him when he says he is hurt. Trust is the most important thing in a relationship, without it no relationship can work out long term. When she says you hurt yourself, her first reaction should be about your well being and health and how YOU are doing. Have you ever given her a legitimate reason to think you would lie about hurting yourself just to get out of a party? if not, then she either cares more about what her friends will think and about being embarrassed than about your well being or she simply just doesn't trust you when you have done nothing to deserve the distrust. So if doesn't apologise and show more concern over your health then I dont think she is worth it. you need to have a conversation with her and explain her all this and see how she reacts/behaves and get her perspective on this, maybe she had a bad day or this party meant a lot to her for some reason. if she still makes you feel guilty and blames and cares about keeping up appearances than your injury, then she sounds kinda toxic and you would be better off with out her.
I mean personally I wouldn't force my boyfriend to come to a friend's party he barely knows unless I think I would feel awkward being there alone (then I would beg him to accompany me). But if that's a close friend, why would she feel awkward being there alone?