The Student Room Group

Would you dump a girl if she developed an eating disorder

If you were dating a girl and things were going well but you noticed gradually her eating habits were going downhill to the point where she was only eating 1 meal per day and she keeps referring to herself as things like a "beached whale", "pig", "obese troll" etc even though she is slim, would you dump her?
And she sometimes takes laxatives even though she doesn't need them.

Scroll to see replies

Original post by Anonymous
If you were dating a girl and things were going well but you noticed gradually her eating habits were going downhill to the point where she was only eating 1 meal per day and she keeps referring to herself as things like a "beached whale", "pig", "obese troll" etc even though she is slim, would you dump her?
And she sometimes takes laxatives even though she doesn't need them.


I would try to help her by referring her to professionals for help. Then, i would gently slide out of that situation.
Original post by Anonymous
If you were dating a girl and things were going well but you noticed gradually her eating habits were going downhill to the point where she was only eating 1 meal per day and she keeps referring to herself as things like a "beached whale", "pig", "obese troll" etc even though she is slim, would you dump her?
And she sometimes takes laxatives even though she doesn't need them.


You can dump someone for any reason at all. That said, that is a terrible reason to dump someone. She needs help, man! Tell her that you care about her and don't want to see her destroy herself.

I wouldn't want to see someone self-destruct like that and could see myself leaving them if they refused to get help, but that would be a last-ditch effort to get them to understand how serious that is.
Original post by Anonymous
If you were dating a girl and things were going well but you noticed gradually her eating habits were going downhill to the point where she was only eating 1 meal per day and she keeps referring to herself as things like a "beached whale", "pig", "obese troll" etc even though she is slim, would you dump her?
And she sometimes takes laxatives even though she doesn't need them.


Surely if your mentality is 'dump her' as she develops an eating disorder which is obviously hard for her to go through and needs support, then she needs to find someone a lot better.
Reply 4
Avatar for UWS
UWS
21
It's shallow and you should be there to support her. You said dating, how long have you been going out for and are you guys officially bf/gf?
Reply 5
Avatar for Zaynnn
Zaynnn
15
No I would not Dump her, that would just be really ... stupid in my opinion. I would get her help as that is a really bad habit for the long term. I went through something like that a few years ago, but was able to overcome it after seeking help. Maybe inform her parents if you know them about her eating habits? They may be able to help?
If you loved her you would help her through it
Reply 7
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by Wired_1800
I would try to help her by referring her to professionals for help. Then, i would gently slide out of that situation.


Original post by ThatOldGuy
You can dump someone for any reason at all. That said, that is a terrible reason to dump someone. She needs help, man! Tell her that you care about her and don't want to see her destroy herself.

I wouldn't want to see someone self-destruct like that and could see myself leaving them if they refused to get help, but that would be a last-ditch effort to get them to understand how serious that is.


Original post by catsmeow_at_me
Surely if your mentality is 'dump her' as she develops an eating disorder which is obviously hard for her to go through and needs support, then she needs to find someone a lot better.


Original post by UWS
It's shallow and you should be there to support her. You said dating, how long have you been going out for and are you guys officially bf/gf?


Original post by Zaynnn
No I would not Dump her, that would just be really ... stupid in my opinion. I would get her help as that is a really bad habit for the long term. I went through something like that a few years ago, but was able to overcome it after seeking help. Maybe inform her parents if you know them about her eating habits? They may be able to help?


Original post by xEmilyxx
If you loved her you would help her through it


I messaged her today asking if she has eaten and she left me on read, then I messaged her again asking what she has had for breakfast and lunch, and she replied "why do you care about what I eat so much?" ...

What should I reply to her? I don't want to say the wrong thing and get into an argument .
Original post by xEmilyxx
If you loved her you would help her through it


Why does he have to love her? All the OP has suggested is they'd been dating and things had been going well, so it definitely doesn't sound like a long term thing.

If it's a long term partner who then develops a health problem then that's different but I can't see why people are so against leaving her if it's early on, I don't think guys are being honest here.
Original post by Anonymous
If you were dating a girl and things were going well but you noticed gradually her eating habits were going downhill to the point where she was only eating 1 meal per day and she keeps referring to herself as things like a "beached whale", "pig", "obese troll" etc even though she is slim, would you dump her?
And she sometimes takes laxatives even though she doesn't need them.


No that would be shallow af
Original post by Anonymous
I messaged her today asking if she has eaten and she left me on read, then I messaged her again asking what she has had for breakfast and lunch, and she replied "why do you care about what I eat so much?" ...

What should I reply to her? I don't want to say the wrong thing and get into an argument .


Tell her you are worried about her. Don’t break up for something like this. She needs help.
If she developed a disorder wherein she kept eating all day long(dunno if there actually is any such disorder), I'd actually marry her :lol: Nothing beats eating yuno :naughty:
Original post by Anonymous
I messaged her today asking if she has eaten and she left me on read, then I messaged her again asking what she has had for breakfast and lunch, and she replied "why do you care about what I eat so much?" ...

What should I reply to her? I don't want to say the wrong thing and get into an argument .


Well if your only convo is about her food.... what do you expect?
Use some tact.
Tell her you are worried about her eating habits going downhill, that you're willing to support her *provided you are* and that you care for her *if you do* etc etc
Just to offer some contrary advice, I would end the relationship immediately.

I believe the other posters are correct when saying she needs help but I completely disagree with where that help comes from. It's very unlikely that you're a trained professional and even if you were there would be obvious conflicts of interest.

Co-dependent relationships are never healthy for either party and both of you are better served by ending it. It might be harder for her initially but it is better in the long run.
I'm not her psychiatrist. If I felt it was impacting her and our life and she refusdd to seek help, I would eventually leave, yes.

Supporting yes but not playing doctor and/or crutch.
Eating disorders are a really hard thing to deal with. Honestly I would not expect many guys to stay with a girl if their eating disorder turned into a long term thing, sometimes people can get help quickly and deal with it but eating disorders can last years and years. And if you stay through that you will become more of a carer than a partner. It's not healthy at all and TBH it's not good for the sufferer either.

You should push her to get help.

But also set boundaries - it's fair to say you do not want to hear her insult herself (it's not healthy for her anyway to repeat that sort of stuff), it's also fair to say if she stays at your house you want her to eat and stuff like that.

Finally - you can google loads of info about supporting anorexics but some important facts - do not comment on food or weight at all, it's just not helpful, nothing you say will ever be right (e.g. if you say she looks fine she will think 'well then I need to keep starving or I'll gain weight and look worse' even though it's meant well). Asking her what she ate also doesn't help - she will either lie or start an argument - neither are a good proposition.

Good things to do include letting her know that if she wants to eat you'll be there for her for support, to cook something special, whatever helps... and let her know that if she has stresses then you want to help her deal with them and talk about them... finally keep your compliments to non-body things - her worth is not in her looks.
Original post by doodle_333
Eating disorders are a really hard thing to deal with. Honestly I would not expect many guys to stay with a girl if their eating disorder turned into a long term thing, sometimes people can get help quickly and deal with it but eating disorders can last years and years. And if you stay through that you will become more of a carer than a partner. It's not healthy at all and TBH it's not good for the sufferer either.


Exactly, and if it's early on why does he have an obligation to stay and take all of that on and 'support her' :biggrin:? Would be a massive red flag if I had been on a few dates and the girl was showing signs of an eating disorder, I wouldn't want to deal with it.
Original post by Anonymous
I messaged her today asking if she has eaten and she left me on read, then I messaged her again asking what she has had for breakfast and lunch, and she replied "why do you care about what I eat so much?" ...

What should I reply to her? I don't want to say the wrong thing and get into an argument .


It’s tough, really. I would just reply that you just wanted to make sure she’s doing okay because you care about her wellbeing. That should be “casual” enough.
I recovered from anorexia and I know I was bothered by people who always asked me if I had eaten and I would lie that I did even when I didn’t. Sometimes it’s best to avoid the eating topic altogether, however I would try and ask her why she feels that she eats too much/feels obese/etc and then carefully point her toward professional help. There’s unfortunately a lot of tip toeing around and I can only imagine how stressful it must be for the partner. Good luck and hopefully she gets better!
uh dump her if you want but get her some help first
Original post by Anonymous
If you were dating a girl and things were going well but you noticed gradually her eating habits were going downhill to the point where she was only eating 1 meal per day and she keeps referring to herself as things like a "beached whale", "pig", "obese troll" etc even though she is slim, would you dump her?
And she sometimes takes laxatives even though she doesn't need them.


She needs mental help. The best that you can do is help her go through this. If you are not comfortable continuing the relationship, be at least honest about that but you have to offer help to.

Quick Reply

Related discussions

Latest

Trending

Trending

Articles for you