Why can't I just get a grip?
I was so hard-working when I was at primary school and since I've been at secondary school, I've just been a lazy, worthless mess for the last five years. In Year 6, I was told the "world was my oyster" because that's how capable I was. Now I'm just lazy. I've been lazy regarding schoolwork since Year 7. I'm disorganised and I'm a horrible person nowadays because I've said and done things I am not proud of. If I could turn back time to when I was hard-working and able, I would, but I can't. I resent myself for letting myself becomes this horrible person. I've said and done horrible things. Now I have a lazy work ethic. I didn't revise for my GCSEs and yet still walked away with an A*, A, 5 B's, 3 C's and a D. I know these grades aren't an indicator of my true ability but it's my fault for not revising. Now I'm doing my A-Levels and haven't started revising and I know I'm probably going to fail but I'm still lazy and wasting my days not doing anything productive. It's my fault I'm so useless...I keep loathing myself, acknowledging the fact I need to change, realising that I'm wasting my life and yet I carry on doing nothing. I've become such a failure at everything and the only thing I'd say I'm actually good at now is horse-riding, as well as complaining and still doing nothing. So it's my fault. I know I just need to get a grip yet I can't. Why am I so good-for-nothing? Why can't I just get a grip? I'm not depressed; I went through a phase of being depressed and suicidal in Years 8 and 9, whereas I'm not suicidal now so I'm definitely not depressed. I did self-harm for a bit in Year 11 like I did in Years 8 and 9, yet I'm not suicidal anymore. I will admit that I'm at the point where I couldn't care less if I'm alive or dead but I know I'm not depressed because I'm not like what I was then/. I'm horrible for the things I've said and done/. I loathe myself and then don't change. The amount of times I've told myself I'd leave the past in the past and change for the better and then ditch this is unreal. I'm such a disappointment now. It's all my fault. Why am I still unable to just get a grip?
Is there someone at school you can talk to about this?
Original post by DrawTheLine
Is there someone at school you can talk to about this?
There's a counsellor, but I'm not going down that route. I had a few counselling sessions in Year 9 but I stopped going to these appointments so that I'd be taken off the list. What with being autistic as well, it's difficult for me to talk about emotions so it didn't work for me. Like I said, I know I'm not depressed anyway. I just want to know why I can't just get a grip and live life the way I should.
Original post by Hey_Its_Cerian
There's a counsellor, but I'm not going down that route. I had a few counselling sessions in Year 9 but I stopped going to these appointments so that I'd be taken off the list. What with being autistic as well, it's difficult for me to talk about emotions so it didn't work for me. Like I said, I know I'm not depressed anyway. I just want to know why I can't just get a grip and live life the way I should.
Tbh I felt similar to you during year 13. There would be stretches of 4 days where I wouldn't do any revision, and that would be pretty close to my exams too. I can only advise taking a break. Just closing all your books and just getting away from it for a few days.
