Muslim parents refuse to let me move away for uni

No parent has the right to control their children. If you want to study outside of London then do it, you will just regret not going. I''ll be blunt, if your parents don't want you to leave despite your wish to then they don't care about your happiness and if you do go and they end up stop talking to you, then they weren't good parents at all, real parents will be happy if their child is happy.

I'm just scared... If i end up hating uni then I'll just be proving them right. I'm scared that I'll end up feeling isolated at uni. I just wanna study and have a good time... but what if it all goes wrong??

Hey,

I'm really sorry you're going through this. What I would suggest is get a job immediately so you can save up as much as you can, if, worst case scenario, your parents cut you off. Does the college/sixth form you go to offer some paid jobs for sixth formers to do at school? For e.g. mentoring younger students, community service etc. My school does and the hourly rates we are paid here are better than some normal jobs so do look into that for your own school! If not, look for a weekend job that doesn't require you to stay out too long (from what I can tell, your parents probably wouldn't be too pleased to see you coming home late at night from work).

Perhaps you've already tried this but really try to talk to them as well -- sit them down one day and attempt a civil discussion one more time. If you know they'd never listen then it wouldn't do you harm to lie a little bit. Give them fake statistics, like how 45% of students in London unis graduate with practically worthless degrees and 50% of top graduates across the country come from unis that are outside of London [it would be helpful if you mentioned some of the unis you applied to as the most "successful" unis]. Tell them that women are more in danger of being in London unis then they are in Unis outside of London etc. Make up some fake articles and come home from school one day, and tell them some recent news about the increase of crime around London unis. Normally I'd say it's kind of terrible to lie to your parents, but if they really want to hold you back from achieving your dreams and being happy, then maybe they're not very deserving of the truth. When your parents, or ANYONE, is getting in the way of your happiness then you've got to take a stand, otherwise you'll end up trying to please people for the rest of your life and being miserable, and constantly thinking of "What ifs".

To avoid the risk of being physically harmed/stopped by your parents, ask one of your friends in advance if it'd be okay for you to stay over at theirs in case there is an emergency. Leave a bag of clothes/other necessities at theirs so if anything goes bad, you can run over to theirs. Put them on your emergency contacts on your phone so you can call them quickly if your parents start threatening violence, so they can come over to get you. Obviously I really hope it never has to come down to this, as ultimately I'm sure your parents' over protectiveness comes out of love and concern for you. If they really have your best interests at heart, they will, even reluctantly, allow you to go to your desired university. Also, don't tell them you have applied to out-of-London universities until AFTER you are sure they would be okay with it. And when you do tell them, make it seem as though you've recently applied, as if you did it after you got their "permission". Controlling parents like to hear that they are the main and only influence of decisions, so that might even please them.

All the best to you and remember that your dreams are very, very important. Let nothing, not even the fear of losing your parents, limit you from reaching your highest potential. Life is too short to let people who supposedly love you stop you from enjoying it! Good luck! <3

Thanks for the advice

I already have a job.. I've had one since 15 but only this year I've started saving for uni.

The things is I've tried lying to them but I have a brother who commuted to a uni in London and they know a lot of Asian Muslim girls who are commuting. They want me to do exactly what Asian Muslim girls are supposed to do. Their not inexperienced so it's a bit difficult to make them actually believe ****.

I have no friends that I would feel comfortable staying at their house... my parents have always refused to let me sleepover at friends house. I was once at a friends house really late so i asked my mum if i could stay over.. my mum forced my friends dad to drive me home late at night.

I know.. I'm trying to make the best of my life and I know you are trying to help but my parents and siblings are tough to crack. We're a really stubborn family.

Thanks for the advice

I already have a job.. I've had one since 15 but only this year I've started saving for uni.

The things is I've tried lying to them but I have a brother who commuted to a uni in London and they know a lot of Asian Muslim girls who are commuting. They want me to do exactly what Asian Muslim girls are supposed to do. Their not inexperienced so it's a bit difficult to make them actually believe ****.

I have no friends that I would feel comfortable staying at their house... my parents have always refused to let me sleepover at friends house. I was once at a friends house really late so i asked my mum if i could stay over.. my mum forced my friends dad to drive me home late at night.

I know.. I'm trying to make the best of my life and I know you are trying to help but my parents and siblings are tough to crack. We're a really stubborn family.

I find it immature that all the unis you applied to were outside of London simply because you are 'dissatisfied with your life and want independence'.

Also no offence but the fact that you felt the need to include 'Muslim parents' in the thread title is partly why there's so much islamophobia right now.

What's the fact that they're Muslim got to do with it? Many strict parents don't want their sons/daughters travelling outside the city for a number of reasons.

You're living in THEIR house. Using THEIR bills and facilities. Yes, you may think that you're an 'adult' but you rely on them for a lot so if they don't want you unnecessarily commuting outside of London for uni then coming back using their resources when you choose, they are not evil people (and yes you can argue it's unnecessary because there's Kings, UCL, Imperial and I bet you haven't even applied to unis that good outside of London).

Agreed like why did we have to know your parents are Muslim Op?

It's their life to do with as they will. They clearly want to escape the controlling environment that they'e in. Who are you to say that they're 'immature' for that?


Do you know the OP's parents? Didn't think so.


Islamic communities often have rather backward views on women. They are not afforded the same freedoms as men.

Neither did you , are you keen to know , if so , why?

Your reply doesn't make sense. Could you elaborate on what you're asking?

It's their life to do with as they will. They clearly want to escape the controlling environment that they'e in. Who are you to say that they're 'immature' for that?


Do you know the OP's parents? Didn't think so.


Islamic communities often have rather backward views on women. They are not afforded the same freedoms as men.

I find it immature that all the unis you applied to were outside of London simply because you are 'dissatisfied with your life and want independence'. Sounds like a really poor decision, maybe that's why they don't give you independence.

Why are you so keen to know Op's parents are muslim? ( I am just saying on your reply to liquidconfidence)

How can they force you to wear a scarf? What's so bad about covering your hair anyway?

This isnt even about women? Op said her brother studied in London?

But like the question is why were we told? Does it really matter? Not only muslim parents do this?

Neither of those is actually questions, despite your punctuation.

What have you concluded from the single fact that her brother studied in London?

the parent's cultural background will obviously influence their decision though...