Muslim parents refuse to let me move away for uni
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I can't understand how anybody is attacking the OP for not wanting to go to uni in London, near her parents. From what she's said, I can completely understand why she would want to get away from them. I would too! Why are people so vicious?!
Of course her parents being Muslim is related to the post, if her parents are forcing her to do things based on their religion- like wearing a headscarf. Isn't that obvious? It really isn't her fault her parents are strict Muslims- her saying it doesn't contribute to Islamophobia in any way. Anyone assuming all Muslim parents are strict are the ones being Islamophobic.
Also, any form of emotional distress counts as suffering- nobody besides the OP can tell her what she is or isn't allowed to feel.
Of course her parents being Muslim is related to the post, if her parents are forcing her to do things based on their religion- like wearing a headscarf. Isn't that obvious? It really isn't her fault her parents are strict Muslims- her saying it doesn't contribute to Islamophobia in any way. Anyone assuming all Muslim parents are strict are the ones being Islamophobic.
Also, any form of emotional distress counts as suffering- nobody besides the OP can tell her what she is or isn't allowed to feel.
Original post by Retrodiction
I do follow Islam.
What does this add to the discussion, exactly?
What does this add to the discussion, exactly?
You would understand if you 'follow' Islam.
Original post by Lychee627
Haha lmao 
honestly im so done 
honestly im so done You asked, I answered. You were pretty persistent in your mission to uncover my religious views. Why exactly were they of such interest to you?
Original post by MiszShortee786
You would understand if you 'follow' Islam.
Convince me
Original post by justanotherchica
My parents have been controlling my life so much that they're stopping me from make use of opportunities because I'm a girl... and I can't live alone and I can't travel more than 48 miles, and t and they force me to wear a scarf.
I sent off my UCAS application today and all the unis I've applied to are out of London because i'm so dissatisfied with my life right now and I want to have my own independence and not be subjected to their ridiculous rules. I've tried talking to them about it but they refuse to let me leave and I've tried to persuade them so many times but they won't budge at all.
I'm definitely leaving but idk how, what if they try to physically stop me? what if I run out of money? What if they never let me come back? What if they don't ever talk to me again? and they have threatened some of the above..
I sent off my UCAS application today and all the unis I've applied to are out of London because i'm so dissatisfied with my life right now and I want to have my own independence and not be subjected to their ridiculous rules. I've tried talking to them about it but they refuse to let me leave and I've tried to persuade them so many times but they won't budge at all.
I'm definitely leaving but idk how, what if they try to physically stop me? what if I run out of money? What if they never let me come back? What if they don't ever talk to me again? and they have threatened some of the above..
OP, you really are confused about the 48 miles distance ruling.
If you do not know something ask a mufti or a scholar please.
Original post by liquidconfidence
Soo they're strict because you are a 'Muslim Asian girl' yet they've allowed you to work since you were 15.
They're so restrictive!
Did you use your wages to feed yourself you attention-seeking troll.
If it's so bad, move out, you have been bold enough to make this thread, be bold enough to move out then. Or even better still, contact free organisations beginning with 0800 such as childline, the samaritans, a counsellor or many others which can actually help you instead of whining and sulking.
They're so restrictive!
Did you use your wages to feed yourself you attention-seeking troll.
If it's so bad, move out, you have been bold enough to make this thread, be bold enough to move out then. Or even better still, contact free organisations beginning with 0800 such as childline, the samaritans, a counsellor or many others which can actually help you instead of whining and sulking.
I live with my mum. Yes im allowed to work because my mum can't give me money to buy things I need for school or appropriate winter gear etc. Recently I had problems with pay and my mum has had to give me money and i feel really guilty when I ask her for money. To an extent I do use it to feed myself, I use it to buy lunch or school dinners.
The point of this thread is not to complain. I included a bit of context so people understand my situation. I just want a bit of guidance on how to leave without ending up broke or completely helpless.
Thanks to everyone who has tried to help me
Original post by Retrodiction
Convince me
Islam is a religion.
Original post by MiszShortee786
OP, you really are confused about the 48 miles distance ruling.
If you do not know something ask a mufti or a scholar please.
If you do not know something ask a mufti or a scholar please.
there are plenty of muftis and scholars in my family
and i have studied alimiyah so I know perfectly well thank you
Original post by MiszShortee786
Islam is a religion.
Correct. But ideas stand or fall on their own merit - knowing the religion of the person presenting the idea tells you nothing about the idea's validity.
I get it, my parents are Pakistani and muslim and grew up in Pakistan. My mum moved out of her city, for medicine tho so she does value independence tho bc my dad didn’t he said it’d be nice to stay at home bc you save money, not that we’re struggling but I persisted soooo much and maybe lied a bit about the courses being better for me at different unis and ye. Emphasise that it’s easier for them when you know how to do your own ****!! Message me personally if bc you want more advice bc i don’t think I’ve articulated it too well sorry😂😩but yh pls talk to them To persuade them and put loads of research into it, ik I did. Subtly mention things like ‘it’s not in your control’ etc and hopefully you’ll be fine, did you go to any open days out of London? Good luck gal! Ik how excited I’ll be to not have to deal with brown Muslim parents’ rules!
Original post by justanotherchica
there are plenty of muftis and scholars in my family
and i have studied alimiyah so I know perfectly well thank you
and i have studied alimiyah so I know perfectly well thank you
Then consult them because I will not be saying it if you said it right would I? MashaAllah but from that statement looks like you havent paid attention to Qudoori Shareef or you have forgotten. Please dont take this the wrong way. I just thought I would let you know InshaAllah.
You said you have 'studied'. Have you got your sanad yet?
(edited 6 years ago)
Original post by MiszShortee786
Then consult them because I will not be saying it if you said it right would I? MashaAllah but from that statement looks like you havent paid attention to Qudoori Shareef or you have forgotten. Please dont take this the wrong way. I just thought I would let you know InshaAllah.
lol studied partially
listen if you know the ruling why dont you tell me??
and my parents follow a very strict version of islam and this 48 mile rule is one of the core rulings for them that nothing will change thier opinion about it.
Maybe before you leave try and reassure them that you’ll stay safe and stuff- they might be overly worried and protective of you.
Original post by Paniniception
I get it, my parents are Pakistani and muslim and grew up in Pakistan. My mum moved out of her city, for medicine tho so she does value independence tho bc my dad didn’t he said it’d be nice to stay at home bc you save money, not that we’re struggling but I persisted soooo much and maybe lied a bit about the courses being better for me at different unis and ye. Emphasise that it’s easier for them when you know how to do your own ****!! Message me personally if bc you want more advice bc i don’t think I’ve articulated it too well sorry😂😩but yh pls talk to them To persuade them and put loads of research into it, ik I did. Subtly mention things like ‘it’s not in your control’ etc and hopefully you’ll be fine, did you go to any open days out of London? Good luck gal! Ik how excited I’ll be to not have to deal with brown Muslim parents’ rules!
lmao
trust me, can't wait to be away from home. I don't think anything will convince them because I've had this convo with them like a billion times lol but I've deffo done my research esp about how much money I'll need. Hopefully it will all go well Original post by liquidconfidence
Also no offence but the fact that you felt the need to include 'Muslim parents' in the thread title is partly why there's so much islamophobia right now.
What's the fact that they're Muslim got to do with it? Many strict parents don't want their sons/daughters travelling outside the city for a number of reasons.
You're living in THEIR house. Using THEIR bills and facilities. Yes, you may think that you're an 'adult' but you rely on them for a lot so if they don't want you unnecessarily commuting outside of London for uni then coming back using their resources when you choose, they are not evil people (and yes you can argue it's unnecessary because there's Kings, UCL, Imperial and I bet you haven't even applied to unis that good outside of London).
For all we know there's another reason why they're being so strict, we don't know your behaviour, you could be sexually promiscuous for all we know and they're trying to limit you. Don't use Islam as an excuse. How can they force you to wear a scarf? Furthermore, what's so bad about covering your hair anyway? You sound like a sulky sullen teenager or a troll.
What's the fact that they're Muslim got to do with it? Many strict parents don't want their sons/daughters travelling outside the city for a number of reasons.
You're living in THEIR house. Using THEIR bills and facilities. Yes, you may think that you're an 'adult' but you rely on them for a lot so if they don't want you unnecessarily commuting outside of London for uni then coming back using their resources when you choose, they are not evil people (and yes you can argue it's unnecessary because there's Kings, UCL, Imperial and I bet you haven't even applied to unis that good outside of London).
For all we know there's another reason why they're being so strict, we don't know your behaviour, you could be sexually promiscuous for all we know and they're trying to limit you. Don't use Islam as an excuse. How can they force you to wear a scarf? Furthermore, what's so bad about covering your hair anyway? You sound like a sulky sullen teenager or a troll.
There have been A LOT of threads by teenage MUSLIM girls who are being controlled by their parents. It's very much relevant to the discussion. Nice virtue signalling though - I'm touched by how good of a person you are, as is everyone else I'm sure.
What's wrong with covering your hair? Parents shouldn't have a say in how their children dress when they reach adulthood.
Original post by justanotherchica
lol studied partially
listen if you know the ruling why dont you tell me??
and my parents follow a very strict version of islam and this 48 mile rule is one of the core rulings for them that nothing will change thier opinion about it.
listen if you know the ruling why dont you tell me??
and my parents follow a very strict version of islam and this 48 mile rule is one of the core rulings for them that nothing will change thier opinion about it.
Paraphrasing- The 48 miles Journey excludes reasoning behind education. So for you to use such statements is incorrect.
Original post by liquidconfidence
Also no offence but the fact that you felt the need to include 'Muslim parents' in the thread title is partly why there's so much islamophobia right now.
What's the fact that they're Muslim got to do with it? Many strict parents don't want their sons/daughters travelling outside the city for a number of reasons.
You're living in THEIR house. Using THEIR bills and facilities. Yes, you may think that you're an 'adult' but you rely on them for a lot so if they don't want you unnecessarily commuting outside of London for uni then coming back using their resources when you choose, they are not evil people (and yes you can argue it's unnecessary because there's Kings, UCL, Imperial and I bet you haven't even applied to unis that good outside of London).
For all we know there's another reason why they're being so strict, we don't know your behaviour, you could be sexually promiscuous for all we know and they're trying to limit you. Don't use Islam as an excuse. How can they force you to wear a scarf? Furthermore, what's so bad about covering your hair anyway? You sound like a sulky sullen teenager or a troll.
What's the fact that they're Muslim got to do with it? Many strict parents don't want their sons/daughters travelling outside the city for a number of reasons.
You're living in THEIR house. Using THEIR bills and facilities. Yes, you may think that you're an 'adult' but you rely on them for a lot so if they don't want you unnecessarily commuting outside of London for uni then coming back using their resources when you choose, they are not evil people (and yes you can argue it's unnecessary because there's Kings, UCL, Imperial and I bet you haven't even applied to unis that good outside of London).
For all we know there's another reason why they're being so strict, we don't know your behaviour, you could be sexually promiscuous for all we know and they're trying to limit you. Don't use Islam as an excuse. How can they force you to wear a scarf? Furthermore, what's so bad about covering your hair anyway? You sound like a sulky sullen teenager or a troll.
Okay first of all I agree that she shouldnt have emphasised on the 'muslim' parents bit. But forcing someone to wear hijab is not okay! In Islam, you have to WANT to wear hijab. ''whats so bad about covering your hair?'' that she cant do it out of her own will 100% and thats WRONG. that shows that her parents think they can make her life choices for her. If you are following religion out of fear or because you are forced to do so that takes away all of its purpose.
Just because shes living in their house and using their bills it doesnt mean it is okay to force her to stay at home. Getting a full uni experience to begin your adulthood has been proved to help teenagers to become independant which is an important skill.
Maybe shes not good enough to go UCL, Kings or Imperial? Maybe she wants to change cities...?
Original post by liquidconfidence
Oh my
Work
Save
You're so desperate to go uni outside of London, no ones stopping you, go.
Use the saved money to support yourself.
The 'woe is me' story is done. You've had your drama for the evening let it go now.
Work
Save
You're so desperate to go uni outside of London, no ones stopping you, go.
Use the saved money to support yourself.
The 'woe is me' story is done. You've had your drama for the evening let it go now.
You're a pretty horrible person.
Original post by MiszShortee786
Paraphrasing- The 48 miles Journey excludes reasoning behind education. So for you to use such statements is incorrect.
thats based on interpretation. I've tried to use that on my parents but they refuse to make any exceptions or even believe it because my bro in law who is an alim doesn't recommend it either.
Original post by justanotherchica
My parents have been controlling my life so much that they're stopping me from make use of opportunities because I'm a girl... and I can't live alone and I can't travel more than 48 miles, and t and they force me to wear a scarf.
I sent off my UCAS application today and all the unis I've applied to are out of London because i'm so dissatisfied with my life right now and I want to have my own independence and not be subjected to their ridiculous rules. I've tried talking to them about it but they refuse to let me leave and I've tried to persuade them so many times but they won't budge at all.
I'm definitely leaving but idk how, what if they try to physically stop me? what if I run out of money? What if they never let me come back? What if they don't ever talk to me again? and they have threatened some of the above..
I sent off my UCAS application today and all the unis I've applied to are out of London because i'm so dissatisfied with my life right now and I want to have my own independence and not be subjected to their ridiculous rules. I've tried talking to them about it but they refuse to let me leave and I've tried to persuade them so many times but they won't budge at all.
I'm definitely leaving but idk how, what if they try to physically stop me? what if I run out of money? What if they never let me come back? What if they don't ever talk to me again? and they have threatened some of the above..
Hey,
I was in a similar position (although I'm not a girl) last year and I'm now studying at a University of my choice and on good terms with my family. Even though they refused to budge... I went ahead and chose the universities I wanted to and we clashed many a time until they started to accept I was going to leave.
Don't think of your parents as monsters, naturally they'd cling more so than other parents especially since its a Muslim family. The protectiveness is understandable and university its easy for people to change completely!
Communication is key. and don't blow anything out of proportion. I argued with my parents up to a week before I moved out even though they had accepted it. I was threatened with disownment when I first suggested moving far away for University.
Trust me I have been in your position and regardless of your parents background they WILL come around. It's desperate ploys they're using to stop you from moving out. (Don't think of it as leaving)
Feel free to PM me if you need more advice.
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