Keeping Calm and Cavying on at uni

09/11/17

What I'm grateful for today
that i have people on here that care about me

A random act of kindness I've done
attended the meeting a couple of us set up to discuss our ideas, really did not feel like going but didn't want to let them down so

A random act of kindness someone has done for me
people like airmed and chris and furryface and blinky bill and pathway and TLG trying to make my day less ****
my tutor was also really nice to me, we had a spontaneous talk (spontaneous because of my tears). Feel so pathetic lol, they said i need more confidence in my work but tbh i feel like im holding on my chewed finger nails to my sanity and keeping my head afloat just about but they said that they think i am doing well to be dealing with uni stuff and the other stuff too that disability sent him. Dont know if that's true feel like im just vacantly doing what im told and drifting about but yeh

Something I could improve on
not spontaneously crying all the time. Am like a tearful powder keg, dont even know whats happening who turned this button back on. Also i wasnt very nice to someone on my course today but they just said 'cheer up' one too many times.

What I've achieved today/Things I did well
went to the optional tutorial this morning. As i lay in bed wanting to sleep the idea of going to this tutorial really didnt appeal to me. However it was useful because i basically led it (lol get me) and although i would not usually have the confidence to my main reason for that is that i had set questions about the report and noone else had seemed to start it so i wanted to get my questions out the way so i could leave. Was useful cos ik what im doing slightly more now

What I've done to look after my mental health
nothing really has been a bad MH day. As much as i hate to admit think i have to concede that yeh i am 'poorly' like the doctors and people keep telling me. But it's ok cos nothing has really changed it's just a word

Something I have to look forward to
going to sleep and forgetting today happened

not sure if you mean the dsa assessment or the doctors appointment both were equally helpful and i have a lot of people to talk to now, my mentor is being increased to 2 times a week cos she said it was concerning i go for like 4 days without speaking to anyone. It's been hard to adjust from having noone and thinking it's all in my head to having about 10 people on call for me as i didnt know why anyone would want to help me but i do think it is a good thing that they are
thank you matrix i hope u have a good november too

Glad your tutor was nice to you. Well done on the optional tutorial! Sorry it's not been the best of days for you though

Sorry today has been so bad, but as TLG said, well done on going to the optional tutorial.

I think I got the two confused and merged them together That's very good! That's very nice of your mentor, it's touching how some people decide to make those commitments I'm glad you do think it's a good thing Cavy and I hope it's been helping so far!
Aw thanks! (I'm looking forward to December though, November is like the month that's holding me back from what I want )

10/11/17

A random act of kindness someone has done for me
my tutors are being so nice to me, idk what i did to deserve such kindness but he drew a graph for me and everything. He said none of the tutors have concerns about my work like i think they do, they know im working hard and that they are just concerned about my health. Am trying hard to believe that my work is ok just is difficult. (this one is a different one to yesterday, was actually scheduled to see them and didnt just become an emotional wreck like yesterday). They say that i can have extensions if i want cos all appointments and things are taking up so much time, i dont want extensions cos i want to be the same as everyone else but its reassuring to know it is there as a backup.

Something I could improve on
domestic stuff. Think my cup is growing a new life form of mould on it and there was a wasp in here before. There are tissues everywhere and everything is a mess but i havent the energy to sort it out. Also eating properly, am scarcely eating but just have a mental block with it atm. Sleeping properly as well, cant fall asleep until very early morning and its exhausting

What I've achieved today/Things I did well
finished my thing on the software it's not the best looking thing in the entire world and i think other people's look better but im just glad it's done and i can submit it, we finally have access to the software at home now so i feel better about that cos it means i can practise more as i couldnt have afforded to buy it. In between seeing my mentor and my tutor i also did a lot of work

What I've done to look after my mental health
saw mentor and tutor, told mentor the irrational things im struggling with and she talked them over with me

thank you everyone also please look after yourself today pathway

It sounds like your work is still at a great standard and it's great your teachers are so supportive and understanding of things
Good luck with the improvements, small steps and you should be there
Great job with speaking to your mentor about what you're struggling with

It sounds like your work is still at a great standard and it's great your teachers are so supportive and understanding of things
Good luck with the improvements, small steps and you should be there
Great job with speaking to your mentor about what you're struggling with

PRSOM

thank you matrix you are always so kind and supportive to me even if i cant see the good points about my own stuff
hope you enjoy ur december


hey lovely sassking

10/11/17

What I'm grateful for today
that im inside and it's warm, probably not the best idea to go wandering around in the dark with just a tshirt on in the middle of a freezing november evening. Was cold earlier on inside tbf cos i fell asleep with the window wide open. Had a very weird dream as a result of the cold and was trapped in it

A random act of kindness I've done
i dont really know, i cant really remember much of what i've said today, feel vacant and on autopilot

A random act of kindness someone has done for me
my tutors are being so nice to me, idk what i did to deserve such kindness but he drew a graph for me and everything. He said none of the tutors have concerns about my work like i think they do, they know im working hard and that they are just concerned about my health. Am trying hard to believe that my work is ok just is difficult. (this one is a different one to yesterday, was actually scheduled to see them and didnt just become an emotional wreck like yesterday). They say that i can have extensions if i want cos all appointments and things are taking up so much time, i dont want extensions cos i want to be the same as everyone else but its reassuring to know it is there as a backup.

Something I could improve on
domestic stuff. Think my cup is growing a new life form of mould on it and there was a wasp in here before. There are tissues everywhere and everything is a mess but i havent the energy to sort it out. Also eating properly, am scarcely eating but just have a mental block with it atm. Sleeping properly as well, cant fall asleep until very early morning and its exhausting

What I've achieved today/Things I did well
finished my thing on the software it's not the best looking thing in the entire world and i think other people's look better but im just glad it's done and i can submit it, we finally have access to the software at home now so i feel better about that cos it means i can practise more as i couldnt have afforded to buy it. In between seeing my mentor and my tutor i also did a lot of work

What I've done to look after my mental health
saw mentor and tutor, told mentor the irrational things im struggling with and she talked them over with me

Something I have to look forward to
having a cup of tea







thank you everyone also please look after yourself today pathway

Haha hello there
Yeah feel free to still call me that if you’d like

I'm trying. Just failing horrendously and stuck. But it'll be fine. Am around if you need someone.

oops sorry tis habit, but i can correct it if u prefer



that doesnt sound fine pls focus on urself pathway

11/11/17
feel ok today, stuff like this is why i feel like a fraud and waste of NHS resources. like im ok today and feel like i dont need any help

What I'm grateful for today
that my sleep was actually worthwhile, dont feel so chronically sleep deprived as usual

A random act of kindness I've done
dont know

A random act of kindness someone has done for me
dont know that either, havent seen anyone

Something I could improve on
not letting the mess in my room get to such a state

What I've achieved today/Things I did well
Showered, grubbed out my room, hoovered it and deep cleaned it. wiped down my desk and stuff and hoovered the cornflakes out from underneath my bed. Feel tired again now but am doing some work

What I've done to look after my mental health
slept i guess

Something I have to look forward to
hopefully something tomorrow but i dont want to get my hopes up in case it doesnt happen

thank you matrix you are always so kind and supportive to me even if i cant see the good points about my own stuff
hope you enjoy ur december

11/11/17
feel ok today, stuff like this is why i feel like a fraud and waste of NHS resources. like im ok today and feel like i dont need any help

What I've achieved today/Things I did well
Showered, grubbed out my room, hoovered it and deep cleaned it. wiped down my desk and stuff and hoovered the cornflakes out from underneath my bed. Feel tired again now but am doing some work

guess who has finished this module's submission 4 days ahead of schedule also have unblocked my own sink, not even sure how it was blocked its not like carrots are in it like they are in the kitchen sink, must be lint from my socks or something when i wash them. Who knew that coming to uni would make me so deft at unblocking sinks, £9250 well spent to learn such great plunger action

Nice one Cavy! And you've been really supportive of me today, so that's your random act of kindness towards others

@CoolCavy


Yeah! I agree with TLG, you being kind to me (and others) is your random act of kindness, and I really appreciate it. Thank you.

You seeing the good points one day is the aim, no matter how long it takes
Aw thanks! I don't really care about it right now but I'm sure I'll be very excited once it's 1st December :

I look up to you for taking the help you need

Sounds like you've been nice and productive


Wow, so proud of you Cavy! You even got it done 4 days early And you even have some great diy skills, go Cavy

just feel like im only repaying the kindness you always show me and deserve back



Thank you matrix those were very lovely things to say


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dont really feel like doing this for a couple of days, feel too sad. felt ok yesterday and now i really dont. nothing even happens at the weekends anyway that is notable or interesting to put on here. just sit in my room for 4 days either doing work or curled up in a ball in bed staring at my wall.

Really sorry things aren't great today. Totally OK to take time away from your blog - it's your blog and you should only do it when you feel up to it, or want to do it! I'm taking a break from mine atm, as you know

Huge hugs to you, Cavy