I love what I'm studying. I hate studying it. I hate "university life". I love living alone. I hate my course.
Basically, I am studying Astrophysics at a top Russel group uni, which is great and I'm so proud of myself for getting to where I am and getting to study what I love, thing is I've been hating it. I'm in EVERYDAY 9-5pm and I'll usually only be home for around 6. I'll cook, eat, work and go to sleep. Weekends are another thing, I just actually slept all of Sunday because I was so sleep deprived all week... I have a test today on thermal physics, I haven't looked at the content...
That's another thing, work.. I have my own business and I make a lot of money, which is how I can afford to live alone, have my own car & pay my own bills. I LOVE my work and I love everything to do with my work. I make a very solid amount of money, more than both of my parents and if I took the time I put into uni and put it into my work, I could make so much more. I've never had the chance, I'm always so busy as I was just doing my A-levels, over summer I'm usually busy and I like to travel & etc.. Online business isn't exactly "reliable" and one day I'll make this amount, next day I make another amount but it's pretty stable and has been for the last 2 years, I just know it's not going to last forever, hence me attending uni.
Uni is going great in terms of my marks, I'm getting top marks for everything and my work is great. I love doing it when I'm doing it but I hate thinking about having to do it. The first two years of my course are actually not even focused on astrophysics and it's all just straight physics, which I thought I'd be fine with but I'm really starting to dislike it because the astronomy part is what I love about astrophysics and I really don't know if I'll be able to make it through the next two years.... I've just done as little amount of work as possible so far just to keep me going and keep my grades up because I hate doing any of it, I don't know why I just hate it. I wake up every morning thinking about dropping out but after the day is done I'm actually pretty satisfied and happy about uni and my course. It's so weird I know but I just don't adfkjhuls'fdasdf.
My parents are really proud of me, but before going to uni when I even mentioned taking a gap year out to work my mom was hugely disappointed that I even had the thought. She loves my work, but she really believes I could really benefit from a good education. Which don't get me wrong, I do too.
I know I'm in my first year (of four, masters..) and It's only going to get more intense and I'm going to have even less time, the thought of that just fills me with dread. I just want to focus on my work but I want to study ASTROPHYSICS too, I know I'll actually enjoy it when I get to the astronomy part but I just don't know if I'll be able to keep up with the workload... I just don't know what to do. I need some advice AHHH I just don't know I feel like I'm going insane. I just feel like it's too intense, it's too much work.. I'm always working whether it's uni or work work. Maybe I should look at part time studies? Any advice/suggestions for looking into that?