Trust
Sorry if this seems an over negative post but it's a burning question.
Basically i don't understand how so many people 'trust' others such as their significant others not to be unfaithful. It seems logically wrong to me. A significant percentage of people cheat,(some surveys rank cheaters in married couples at around 55%) often without intending to, so why would you logically speaking, trust your partner not to do that? It is in fact, more likely than not they would cheat.
People get bored after a while, and want something new.Why would you trust your partner to not get distracted by someone they find more attractive than you? I just don't understand why people blindly trust their significant others and expect their relationships to last forever.
Frankly I would be scared to offer my trust to someone. All my relationships so far in my life have been negative, my parents' relationship was horrible, and I know of so many broken relationships and marriages.
I don't see any reason to trust someone else, frankly I'd rather own my dignity and stay alone. At least I can trust myself not to let me down.
Basically i don't understand how so many people 'trust' others such as their significant others not to be unfaithful. It seems logically wrong to me. A significant percentage of people cheat,(some surveys rank cheaters in married couples at around 55%) often without intending to, so why would you logically speaking, trust your partner not to do that? It is in fact, more likely than not they would cheat.
People get bored after a while, and want something new.Why would you trust your partner to not get distracted by someone they find more attractive than you? I just don't understand why people blindly trust their significant others and expect their relationships to last forever.
Frankly I would be scared to offer my trust to someone. All my relationships so far in my life have been negative, my parents' relationship was horrible, and I know of so many broken relationships and marriages.
I don't see any reason to trust someone else, frankly I'd rather own my dignity and stay alone. At least I can trust myself not to let me down.
Well..... I think most people have faith in other people. I know that I won't cheat on my partner (I never have) and I do trust that he doesn't cheat on me (and I don't believe that he ever has).
Yes, relationships are difficult and even the best most solid relationships go through rough, sometimes almost deal-breaking, periods of time.
Obviously though not everyone thinks and believes like I do. I believe one has to be as committed to the whole relationship as much as to the person. You have to commit to that bond of the relationship. Yes, there will always be other attractive people around - perhaps people you find more attractive, physically, than your partner but that doesn't mean you act upon that thought and it doesn't mean your partner would act upon that thought either even out of boredom.
At the end of the day all we have is that blind trust you mention. We can be w/ our partner 24/7. Yes, there are a lot of people who make poor choices but there are a lot who also value their commitment to their partner and relationship. That is where picking the person based on quality of character is more important that the sexual physical attraction. If you fall for someone based on their character who will start finding him/her very attractive. Happens all of the time.
For you it may work better to not get involved in a relationship. You seem to have valid reasons that justify it for you but not everyone is willing to risk living a solitary life. Being part of a partnership that can lead to a long-term (perhaps marriage) relationship is worth the risk for them. This is one of those situations where both sides have valid points in my opinion.
Yes, relationships are difficult and even the best most solid relationships go through rough, sometimes almost deal-breaking, periods of time.
Obviously though not everyone thinks and believes like I do. I believe one has to be as committed to the whole relationship as much as to the person. You have to commit to that bond of the relationship. Yes, there will always be other attractive people around - perhaps people you find more attractive, physically, than your partner but that doesn't mean you act upon that thought and it doesn't mean your partner would act upon that thought either even out of boredom.
At the end of the day all we have is that blind trust you mention. We can be w/ our partner 24/7. Yes, there are a lot of people who make poor choices but there are a lot who also value their commitment to their partner and relationship. That is where picking the person based on quality of character is more important that the sexual physical attraction. If you fall for someone based on their character who will start finding him/her very attractive. Happens all of the time.
For you it may work better to not get involved in a relationship. You seem to have valid reasons that justify it for you but not everyone is willing to risk living a solitary life. Being part of a partnership that can lead to a long-term (perhaps marriage) relationship is worth the risk for them. This is one of those situations where both sides have valid points in my opinion.
If you are in fact part of the lucky 45% of civil unions which don't end in a cheating partner, then you will 100% end up alone if you're constantly insecure and over-controlling. Cheating is always unjustified in my opinion, but a lot of the time I feel like it's because one party ends up bored and they feel as if being with someone else can give them excitement. This is why communication is important. You don't have to be constantly controlling and creepy as long as problems get resolved, and there is a foundation of trust.
Additionally, in response to your mention about physical attraction, relationships are not solely based on physical attraction. As the person above noted, falling in love with one's character is often more successful than finding someone attractive.
Additionally, in response to your mention about physical attraction, relationships are not solely based on physical attraction. As the person above noted, falling in love with one's character is often more successful than finding someone attractive.
(edited 6 years ago)
Some people may have had good experiences with it and are therefore are more trusting. Others who have had bad experiences may be more cautious, may just give the impression or may even never trust someone in any meaningful way ever again, and for them that is healing.
(edited 6 years ago)
Original post by Jonjonbo
If you are in fact part of the lucky 45% of civil unions which don't end in a cheating partner, then you will 100% end up alone if you're constantly insecure and over-controlling. Cheating is always unjustified in my opinion, but a lot of the time I feel like it's because one party ends up bored and they feel as if being with someone else can give them excitement. This is why communication is important. You don't have to be constantly controlling and creepy as long as problems get resolved, and there is a foundation of trust.
Additionally, in response to your mention about physical attraction, relationships are not solely based on physical attraction. As the person above noted, falling in love with one's character is often more successful than finding someone attractive.
Additionally, in response to your mention about physical attraction, relationships are not solely based on physical attraction. As the person above noted, falling in love with one's character is often more successful than finding someone attractive.
Even if you fall in love with someone's character they can still let you down. Learnt the hard way. Or perhaps i still don't know what real love is.
Either way i have absolutely no concept of trust in romantic relationships. How do I get over this?
Original post by Hopefully1
Well..... I think most people have faith in other people. I know that I won't cheat on my partner (I never have) and I do trust that he doesn't cheat on me (and I don't believe that he ever has).
Yes, relationships are difficult and even the best most solid relationships go through rough, sometimes almost deal-breaking, periods of time.
Obviously though not everyone thinks and believes like I do. I believe one has to be as committed to the whole relationship as much as to the person. You have to commit to that bond of the relationship. Yes, there will always be other attractive people around - perhaps people you find more attractive, physically, than your partner but that doesn't mean you act upon that thought and it doesn't mean your partner would act upon that thought either even out of boredom.
At the end of the day all we have is that blind trust you mention. We can be w/ our partner 24/7. Yes, there are a lot of people who make poor choices but there are a lot who also value their commitment to their partner and relationship. That is where picking the person based on quality of character is more important that the sexual physical attraction. If you fall for someone based on their character who will start finding him/her very attractive. Happens all of the time.
For you it may work better to not get involved in a relationship. You seem to have valid reasons that justify it for you but not everyone is willing to risk living a solitary life. Being part of a partnership that can lead to a long-term (perhaps marriage) relationship is worth the risk for them. This is one of those situations where both sides have valid points in my opinion.
Yes, relationships are difficult and even the best most solid relationships go through rough, sometimes almost deal-breaking, periods of time.
Obviously though not everyone thinks and believes like I do. I believe one has to be as committed to the whole relationship as much as to the person. You have to commit to that bond of the relationship. Yes, there will always be other attractive people around - perhaps people you find more attractive, physically, than your partner but that doesn't mean you act upon that thought and it doesn't mean your partner would act upon that thought either even out of boredom.
At the end of the day all we have is that blind trust you mention. We can be w/ our partner 24/7. Yes, there are a lot of people who make poor choices but there are a lot who also value their commitment to their partner and relationship. That is where picking the person based on quality of character is more important that the sexual physical attraction. If you fall for someone based on their character who will start finding him/her very attractive. Happens all of the time.
For you it may work better to not get involved in a relationship. You seem to have valid reasons that justify it for you but not everyone is willing to risk living a solitary life. Being part of a partnership that can lead to a long-term (perhaps marriage) relationship is worth the risk for them. This is one of those situations where both sides have valid points in my opinion.
What is it that gives you faith in other people? Did your parents have a good marriage to set an example? Or do you just have that faith?
Sorry to quote a cheesy song but I think my heart can't take it anymore. That's literally how I feel.
Original post by Anonymous
What is it that gives you faith in other people? Did your parents have a good marriage to set an example? Or do you just have that faith?
>OP, yes actually my parents have been married a very long time - somewhere around 30 years! But, I've seen them argue too but they seem to work things out. They'll argue about money, whose turn it is to do something but not ever about other people in their marriage. A least not that I've ever heard and I honestly don't think that has ever been an issue for them. I seen my parents have a good relationship and I've tried to have good relationships too. I haven't always been successful in my relationships but I truly have never had a break up do to not being able to trust the other person or because one of us cheated.
I do know other people, of course, whose relationship or marriage didn't work out for various reasons. Being in a relationship is just not easy because humans and different perspectives, expectations and different life experiences play a part in that relationship for good and bad.
But I understand where you're coming from about not wanting to trust anyone but yourself. I can appreciate that prospective but in the long run will that include not trusting your family or your friends? I'm afraid that could lead to a very lonely life. Not trying to bring you down, honestly.
Live your life how it works for you. I'm sorry your heart is hurting. You must have had someone special cheat on you. Definitely 100% that happens but is absolutely does NOT happen in every relationship and you shouldn't expect that to be the case if you want to have good mental health!
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