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Original post by CoolCavy
im tired

14/11/17

What I'm grateful for today
that the lecture didnt go on too long, wasnt meant to have lecture today but had to reschedule it to a different class cos clashed with tomorrow

A random act of kindness I've done
waited for someone from my class to get across the road then walked in with her

A random act of kindness someone has done for me
some dude raking the leaves said good morning to me

Something I could improve on
not getting so sad at night

What I've achieved today/Things I did well
did a surprise presentation i didnt know i was going to have to do, technically i think i can refuse to do presentations because something about that is on my plsp but i dont see the point in that because if i get a placement will have to do public speaking and stuff then anyway so i would sooner die of anxiety now and practise getting better with them than infront of some large company

What I've done to look after my mental health
i dont know, have to see this nurse today who i categorically dont want to see because they will just make me feel bad, was on the verge of cancelling it but dont want to be shouted at by the doctor

Something I have to look forward to
the post :ahee: i love getting post because it makes me feel special and like someone somewhere is acknowledging i exist, 'cept all i ever get is threatening letters from tv licensing and NHS referral letters, but not today people :awesome:


Really impressed that you did the presentation. They are tough for people who don't get anxious and have notice so a huge well done today, a great achievement. I am sure that the doctor is not going to shout at you, but if you can manage to see the nurse it would be good. So many positive little steps. Sending a hug.
Hope seeing the nurse was OK. Well done on the presentation! I would have crumbled if that had happened to me :eek:
Original post by rhiannon277
Really impressed that you did the presentation. They are tough for people who don't get anxious and have notice so a huge well done today, a great achievement. I am sure that the doctor is not going to shout at you, but if you can manage to see the nurse it would be good. So many positive little steps. Sending a hug.


Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd
Hope seeing the nurse was OK. Well done on the presentation! I would have crumbled if that had happened to me :eek:


thank you guys :grouphugs: dont think it was the best presentation ever tbh :redface: was filled with 'urms' but thank you for all your support and loveliness :cube:

15/11/17

What I'm grateful for today
tinned fruit, is like the nicest thing ive eaten in 2 months

A random act of kindness I've done
i dont know, i think i did something but i forgot what i did

A random act of kindness someone has done for me
airmed and furry face have been very lovely to me today :hugs: even though they always are. Also was yesterday but the nurse was nice to me, she said i wasnt ugly just cos im not skinny even though i dont really believe that but still. Also my mentor emailed yesterday to wish me luck for my crisis appointment today :smile:

Something I could improve on
the state of my room, it gets messy so easily. Been wearing the same shirt for 3 days (dont know if people at uni have noticed or not but dont really care) very much need to do some hand washing of clothes. Also not falling asleep at like 6pm

What I've achieved today/Things I did well
went to my rescheduled lecture even though i was exhausted and i wanted to go home, the floor was moving but managed to stick out the lecture, i feel stressed tbh i have so many things to do for different modules and have the energy to do none of them. Managed to find a pair to do this project in though so that's one good thing, thought noone would want to go with me.

What I've done to look after my mental health
saw the crisis people. the actual building itself is quite weird, all of the receptionists seem this really weird fake smiley and this guy sat next to me and stared at me the entire time in the waiting room whilst smelling terribly and muttering to himself. Fortunately was called to my appointment so was spared any more of that. The actual guy taking it was really quite cool, he was normal and had tattoos and stuff and reminded me a bit of a teacher i had. Not writing it all out again what happened but managed to be 100% honest with him so now think i will be getting the stuff i unfortunately require. Will find out in a week but he said it looks most likely to have cmht and home visits because 'unstable' and 'severe' apparently :/

Something I have to look forward to
The fact have no lectures tomorrow, they are optional tutorials for the report but as i already went last week to ask questions i dont have any more questions to ask and have almost finished it. Am doing some work for next week with my pair instead.
Original post by CoolCavy


Thank you matrix those were very lovely things to say :cube:


--------
dont really feel like doing this for a couple of days, feel too sad. felt ok yesterday and now i really dont. nothing even happens at the weekends anyway that is notable or interesting to put on here. just sit in my room for 4 days either doing work or curled up in a ball in bed staring at my wall.

Aww :heart:

Fair enough, hope you took the time away from this that you needed :hugs:

That was lovely of the guy raking the leaves to say hello :h:
Keep up the great work, great that you get to practice those kinds of things :biggrin:

The post.... that's awesome to hear! :yy: :awesome:

I hope you've been alright :hugs:
Dont know how im meant to do 4 years of this. Want to drop out everyday. It's too hard to balance appointments and everything else with uni, constantly running (literally running) between lectures and surgeries. But then if i wasnt at uni i wouldnt have this good doctors or the iapt stuff or the crisis stuff and i wouldnt have access to the uni stuff like DSA and the wellbeing people and stuff :/ so it's a catch 22.
Wish i had done a gap year or something to get myself kind of sorted before coming to uni so i could actually enjoy it but again the only reason i got help in the first place was because i came to uni. And have no idea what i would have done on a year off and couldnt have afforded to do that anyway since noone will hire me.
urgh, well the world doesn't stop spinning just because you are sad

16/11/17
What I'm grateful for today
that the person im in a group with has elderly relatives, glad someone does so we can actually get the right client

A random act of kindness I've done
i dont know im actually so confused. Dreams are so vivid and :frown: and it's rather confusing. Feel like im not really on the planet and all these things are actually happening so what i have and haven't done isn't especially clear right now. Plus was asleep for half the day

A random act of kindness someone has done for me
was an hour late to meeting someone :redface: overslept cos only fell asleep at 6, they understood though so :redface: still felt bad. Also airmed, furryface and pathway helping me reference. Oh and apparently im 'not a failure'

Something I could improve on
uh everything. My room is a state, im a state.

What I've achieved today/Things I did well
My REport Is FinallY DoNe

took me bloody long enough

have another one to write due in for two weeks but :shh:

What I've done to look after my mental health
Nothing tbf, was meant to go to this workshop thing but needed to do the work thing in my pair. To be quite honest i just wanted a whole day without having to mention it to anyone. Keep having nightmares about that certain thing and i dont know just didnt want to go.

Something I have to look forward to
I really want to paint this sketch, haven't painted in a while and i can see in my head what it's gonna look like but have yet to find the time

Original post by Matrix123
Aww :heart:

Fair enough, hope you took the time away from this that you needed :hugs:

That was lovely of the guy raking the leaves to say hello :h:
Keep up the great work, great that you get to practice those kinds of things :biggrin:

The post.... that's awesome to hear! :yy: :awesome:

I hope you've been alright :hugs:


thank you for being supportive matrix :lovehug:
hope you have been alright also x
Original post by CoolCavy
urgh, well the world doesn't stop spinning just because you are sad

16/11/17
What I'm grateful for today
that the person im in a group with has elderly relatives, glad someone does so we can actually get the right client

A random act of kindness I've done
i dont know im actually so confused. Dreams are so vivid and :frown: and it's rather confusing. Feel like im not really on the planet and all these things are actually happening so what i have and haven't done isn't especially clear right now. Plus was asleep for half the day

A random act of kindness someone has done for me
was an hour late to meeting someone :redface: overslept cos only fell asleep at 6, they understood though so :redface: still felt bad. Also airmed, furryface and pathway helping me reference. Oh and apparently im 'not a failure'

Something I could improve on
uh everything. My room is a state, im a state.

What I've achieved today/Things I did well
My REport Is FinallY DoNe

took me bloody long enough

have another one to write due in for two weeks but :shh:

What I've done to look after my mental health
Nothing tbf, was meant to go to this workshop thing but needed to do the work thing in my pair. To be quite honest i just wanted a whole day without having to mention it to anyone. Keep having nightmares about that certain thing and i dont know just didnt want to go.

Something I have to look forward to
I really want to paint this sketch, haven't painted in a while and i can see in my head what it's gonna look like but have yet to find the time



thank you for being supportive matrix :lovehug:
hope you have been alright also x


You can't see it now but all these people looking after you, caring about you clearly think you are someone worthwhile. The fact that you are managing to keep going and get your work done, go to lectures and even write on here is incredible considering the way you are feeling at the moment. I hope you have time today to just be kind to yourself. Have a warm shower, find some comfy clothes and eat some tinned fruit. Start that sketch if you have the time and feel ready. I am so jealous of anyone who can take the picture in their head and produce it on paper. Sending hugs :hugs:
17/11/17
What I'm grateful for today
i dont know, dont feel that grateful today if im honest. Ik things could be worse but just feel angry at my head and my ovaries, both of them are a pain literally and metaphorically.

A random act of kindness I've done
helped a girl i was sat next to with the software we were using, i was stuck on this software in the first couple of weeks so ik what it feels like

A random act of kindness someone has done for me
got such good feedback in my lesson, apparently my shading is 'sick' according to one of the people in my class and the tutor said he was impressed with the stuff i was doing. Considering i think im **** at drawing on a computer this makes me feel slightly better, plus was behind most people when i came here as a lot of them had used the software before.

Something I could improve on
Not spiralling so much at night, is partly because i cant sleep i am awake until like 6am getting more and more upset with myself. Was the closest i have come to calling the crisis number but just dont want to call them. Just sleeping in general. Been surviving on 3 hour naps a day and even in them are disturbing dreams so fantastic

What I've achieved today/Things I did well
The fact that i even went into class on one hour sleep and feeling as bad as i do. Glad i went in though cos was productive

What I've done to look after my mental health
seeing my mentor in 3 hours, dont want to but yep

Something I have to look forward to
i want to sleep

Original post by rhiannon277
You can't see it now but all these people looking after you, caring about you clearly think you are someone worthwhile. The fact that you are managing to keep going and get your work done, go to lectures and even write on here is incredible considering the way you are feeling at the moment. I hope you have time today to just be kind to yourself. Have a warm shower, find some comfy clothes and eat some tinned fruit. Start that sketch if you have the time and feel ready. I am so jealous of anyone who can take the picture in their head and produce it on paper. Sending hugs :hugs:

thank you for this lovely reply :hugs: idk why they think im worthwhile i am not at all and basically useless :redface:
:rofl: at the tinned fruit :lol: have some pears left in the tin :drool:
sending hugs back to you :grouphugs:
Hope seeing your mentor goes well. Sorry things are such a struggle atm! Proud of you for the comments you've been getting in class, and in general from your tutors. It sounds as if you're doing a good job at uni, even if you don't feel you are, and even though it's a struggle :h:
CAVY:gah:
:jumphug:
Original post by CoolCavy
now think i will be getting the stuff i unfortunately require. Will find out in a week but he said it looks most likely to have cmht and home visits because 'unstable' and 'severe' apparently
Remember that PM I sent you a while back? I'd say the same again now.:yep:
Original post by CoolCavy
Something I could improve on
Not spiralling so much at night, is partly because i cant sleep i am awake until like 6am getting more and more upset with myself. Was the closest i have come to calling the crisis number but just dont want to call them. Just sleeping in general. Been surviving on 3 hour naps a day and even in them are disturbing dreams so fantastic

Something I have to look forward to
i want to sleep
I'm not great at talking, but I'm around most nights, all night due to being ****ed over by my sleep pattern. Had a few 6am finishes recently.:frown: So if you're just looking for someone to kill time with, I'm around.:yy:

:five:
Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd
Hope seeing your mentor goes well. Sorry things are such a struggle atm! Proud of you for the comments you've been getting in class, and in general from your tutors. It sounds as if you're doing a good job at uni, even if you don't feel you are, and even though it's a struggle :h:


Original post by 04MR17
CAVY:gah:
:jumphug:Remember that PM I sent you a while back? I'd say the same again now.:yep:
I'm not great at talking, but I'm around most nights, all night due to being ****ed over by my sleep pattern. Had a few 6am finishes recently.:frown: So if you're just looking for someone to kill time with, I'm around.:yy:

:five:


Thank you both of you, never know what to say when people are so nice to me :redface: but thank you i appreciate it a lot :loveduck:
18/11/17
What I'm grateful for today
that nightline is a thing, she sat with me from 10 until 3, think i could have probably stayed till 7 but felt sleepy for once. Am grateful to her cos she was not like a robot, told me her first name and stuff and calmed down my rashness :redface:

A random act of kindness I've done
the kitchen was in a mess so i sweeped it up even though it wasnt my mess

A random act of kindness someone has done for me
people on here being nice to me

Something I could improve on
feel like such a failure :redface: fell asleep at 3am then woke up at 6 for some reason, then fell back asleep until 4pm :redface: have been so sleep deprived this week but still feel bad for wasting a day :/

What I've achieved today/Things I did well
My room wasnt really fit to be inhabited @furryface12 can vouch :redface: so picked up all the clothes and washed as many as would fit in my sink, wiped my desk down, hoovered the floor and just generally grubbed out my room.

What I've done to look after my mental health
guess sleeping?

Something I have to look forward to
dont know, have so much work to do and am so stressed :frown: think i might have to take the extension for the second report even though taking it will make me feel like a failure :sad:
Brain's not working and I can't figure out quite what I wanna/would usually say... but getting an extension is not being a failure. Acknowledging your own limitations and owning them takes strength and courage, and is the right thing to do.

Don't do what I did and push through everything until you're finally far too broken to do anything at all. Please don't do that! Learn from my mistakes! :puppyeyes:
Sending love as always.:heart:
Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd
Brain's not working and I can't figure out quite what I wanna/would usually say... but getting an extension is not being a failure. Acknowledging your own limitations and owning them takes strength and courage, and is the right thing to do.

Don't do what I did and push through everything until you're finally far too broken to do anything at all. Please don't do that! Learn from my mistakes! :puppyeyes:

sorry that you dont feel good tlg :frown: :lovehug:
but thank you, think will take your advice if i dont get it done cos all your advice always turns out to be right. i cant take an extension for group work cos its in a group and the pair of us need to get it submitted so i will focus on that, if the other two things dont get done as a result of that and all the appointments then will ask for extension :redface:
:hugs:

Original post by 04MR17
Sending love as always.:heart:

love right back :loveduck:
Original post by CoolCavy
sorry that you dont feel good tlg :frown: :lovehug:
but thank you, think will take your advice if i dont get it done cos all your advice always turns out to be right. i cant take an extension for group work cos its in a group and the pair of us need to get it submitted so i will focus on that, if the other two things dont get done as a result of that and all the appointments then will ask for extension :redface:
:hugs:


love right back :loveduck:


Never worry about about taking an extension, it is all part of the help there to make your life manageable. Well done on sorting your room out. Also glad nightline was there for you when you needed it. Half the battle is being brave enough to take help when it is needed. Hugs as always. :hugs:
today was a disaster

20/11/17
What I'm grateful for today
that the scrolling ability in my touchpad has returned. it disappeared for some reason

A random act of kindness I've done
i dont know, guess i didnt kill anyone in the library, i really hate that library, idk if its cos i nearly got locked in there overnight in the first week but i find it so claustrophobic and it has such a confusing layout

A random act of kindness someone has done for me
the nurse was very nice to me, im not sure the sort of 'first aid' she gave me was really that useful but she was really lovely to me when i started saying i was a failure

Something I could improve on
not having a spontaneous breakdown about a printer. Straw that broke the cavy's back. Moving on

What I've achieved today/Things I did well
nothing, today has been really frustrating

What I've done to look after my mental health
saw the doctor, meds increased, saw the nurse and wellbeing wants to see me tomorrow for some reason

Something I have to look forward to
it not being today anymore

Original post by rhiannon277
Never worry about about taking an extension, it is all part of the help there to make your life manageable. Well done on sorting your room out. Also glad nightline was there for you when you needed it. Half the battle is being brave enough to take help when it is needed. Hugs as always. :hugs:


thank you for your hugs always appreciate a hug :redface: think will take the extension after consulting you @Airmed, @furryface12 and @Deyesy as well as this thread. will have to swallow my pride i guess :redface:
thanks for being supportive :hugs:
Original post by CoolCavy
today was a disaster

20/11/17
What I'm grateful for today
that the scrolling ability in my touchpad has returned. it disappeared for some reason

A random act of kindness I've done
i dont know, guess i didnt kill anyone in the library, i really hate that library, idk if its cos i nearly got locked in there overnight in the first week but i find it so claustrophobic and it has such a confusing layout

A random act of kindness someone has done for me
the nurse was very nice to me, im not sure the sort of 'first aid' she gave me was really that useful but she was really lovely to me when i started saying i was a failure

Something I could improve on
not having a spontaneous breakdown about a printer. Straw that broke the cavy's back. Moving on

What I've achieved today/Things I did well
nothing, today has been really frustrating

What I've done to look after my mental health
saw the doctor, meds increased, saw the nurse and wellbeing wants to see me tomorrow for some reason

Something I have to look forward to
it not being today anymore



thank you for your hugs always appreciate a hug :redface: think will take the extension after consulting you @Airmed, @furryface12 and @Deyesy as well as this thread. will have to swallow my pride i guess :redface:
thanks for being supportive :hugs:
:heart:
Sorry it hasn't been a good day. I hate libraries too. We've got a new one at my uni and it's so ****ing confusing :s-smilie:

:console:
Hi Cavy, was gonna give you some personal rep but it says I've given out too much. I wanted to say hello :smile:
You're absolutely adorable and I do miss you lots! :lovehug:
As does @Hodor_van_Groot if you remember him :biggrin:

Sorry to hear your day wasn't good today :frown:, lots of hugs for my cute little Cavy :hugs: :cube: :jumphug:

I won't be on here much, but I shall drop by from time to time :hugs:
Original post by 04MR17
:heart:

:cube:


Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd
Sorry it hasn't been a good day. I hate libraries too. We've got a new one at my uni and it's so ****ing confusing :s-smilie:

:console:


:five: :lovehug: hope you are feeling ok :penguinhug:

Original post by Lemonsponge
Hi Cavy, was gonna give you some personal rep but it says I've given out too much. I wanted to say hello :smile:
You're absolutely adorable and I do miss you lots! :lovehug:
As does @Hodor_van_Groot if you remember him :biggrin:

Sorry to hear your day wasn't good today :frown:, lots of hugs for my cute little Cavy :hugs: :cube: :jumphug:

I won't be on here much, but I shall drop by from time to time :hugs:


omg :ciao:
ily :lovehug:
and hoooodooor :eek: :gah: course i remembere him :love: :hugs: huge hugs to you both :grouphugs:
and will look forward to your return :hugs:

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