Psychotic Housemates

Hi, guys! Sorry. For reasons that will probably become very obvious, I need to keep myself anonymous. I’m also going to make some fake names up, and give a bit of background first.

Fake names will be...uh.... Angelia, Elliot and Link. Angelia and Elliot are boyfriend and girlfriend; and I knew those two before I moved in with them. Link is the other person that was brought into the house-share (he knew Elliot, though). Angelia and Elliot are autistic + Angelia likes to pretend she has OCD - more on that in a minute. Angelia and Elliot also moved into the house a long time before I did - I moved in at the start of September due to work, and they lived in it all summer. Now that I’ve slapped down some background, let’s get right into this! We all pay equal rent and it’s a student rented house, aha. Oh, I’ve signed a contract stupidly too so I can’t move out until May.

The first day I moved in, I noticed that Angelia has a entire freezer drawer full of dead rats for her snake to eat. I politely ask if she could not buy as many - maybe two at a time, which gives two weeks worth of food - because I needed to place food in there, as well as when Link moves in, it would make things difficult. Only 3 drawers for 4 people! Anyway, I ended ip being screamed at in the middle of the street saying “it’s my house, you’re not going to move in here and tell me what to do in my house!” I try and tell her it’s not her house but the shouting continues. I decide it’s best for me to back off.

The next day, she comes into my room. Turns out that she’s dismantled my kettle and toaster without my knowledge or permission to remove the fuses from them - in order to fix her own flipping kettle and toaster! This time I tell her that it’s bang out of order and she can’t just take apart my stuff. She gives me the “her house” speech again, and that she needed her stuff fixed. I told her that it wasn’t her houe, and that was my stuff I paid for that she took apart and it wasn’t on. I made her buy me a new kettle and toaster, aha! Alarm bells are clearly going at this point. She also likes to throw out my food. I’m also not allowed in the kitchen if she cooking.

Next up is her continued fake OCD. I’m so sorry if I offend anyone with my next statement - but there’s no way she has it. She only “has OCD” when she doesn’t want me relaxing in the living room or if she wants the house ran as she wants. E.G. I’m not allowed to leave dishes (I generally don’t, there’s only...a mug) but she can leave food in the kitchen after cooking and rotting food in the sink. I’m not allowed to lie on the sofa and put my feet up, but her and Elliot can lie down and take up both sofas. You see where I’m going with this?

I’ve got to check and confirm I can shower before I go in. She has a “irritable bladder”. Meaning that she can apparently use the bathroom whenever she wants, despite the fact if I’m in there showering or not! She’ll bang on the door until I move, even shouting constantly until I cut my shower short. Speaking of the bathroom. I’m not allowed to...ahem, do my business. Or use sanitary products for periods. This is coming from another girl and I quote. “You can’t dispose of your products anywhere in my house, inside bin or outside. It’s unhygienic and disgusting, and you need to get the infection to stop the periods” yep.

I bought a hamster for sanity. I’ve had to put a lock on my door because she’s constantly asking if she can feed him to the snake once he dies. She got offended at the lock on my door because she can’t throw the dead rats out my window that the snake has refused. Saying about putting a lock on her bedroom door in her house and..you get the idea?

Also not allowed to mak any noise past 9pm as she wants to be in bed. While o appreciate that sometimes I can be a little loud (gaming!) I always turn it off so she can go to bed. But, I’m not even allowed to call home or act like I’m alive? If I do, she’ll just sob uncontrollably outside my door until Elliot tells me to shut up. Even if I’m making no noise. Even when I call home, she’ll stand outside my door and listen to every word.

I’ve tried confronting Elliot with Link (he feels the same way about her, but isn’t getting the **** like I am) and Elliot couldn’t give a ****. It’s not affecting him, so he doesn’t care. Asked if I could talk to her when he’s not in the house so he doesn’t have to deal with her rage! Also said that I need to stay next year so I don’t “break her” as apparently, loosing this house will be devastating. Anyway, screw that. I’m trying to leave at the earliest opportunity.

Last night almost broke me. I went downstairs to try and talk to these people - Elliot just started sulking over the fact I was talking over the tv, got up and sat right in front of it! I called him a self centred **** who if he could stop acting like a kid for 10 seconds, he’d understand why I wanted to leave. Oops.

I just don’t know what to do. I’m not eating, not sleeping, not going to class. I’ve tried to contact uni for help, but they’re not interested as it’s private renting. I just want to drop out and go home, despite me loving my course. I just feel so alone and afraid, and I need someone to turn to. Thanks to anyone who got to the end of this.

I'm the OP - will try and answer your questions here!

I'm doing my best to leave - it's so difficult as I simply can't afford to pay out this contract, along with start another one on top. I'm hoping University or family might help, but I hate to put this pressure on them.

That's a good advice about the autism thing! I have been reading up on it, and I have tried what you suggested. Didn't work. She still gives me it's her house speech. Even talking to her calmly and clearly stating - she'll continue to push to get what she wants. And she has the injection to stop her periods, and demands that I do the same.

I also can't speak to her family - she's been in and out of foster care. It doesn't excuse her behaviour though, autism or not (please don't take offence! I really don't mean to offend). I have tried to speak to Elliot's parents about this. They just said that she'll continue this way until you stand up for her. Considering I was pushed into signing by them to allow Elliot and Angelia to live together, I have a feeling they knew this would happen - and still signed me up anyway so they could live together. Which isn't on in the slightest.

I see your predicament. Don't suppose there's any legal action you can take? You could record every time she invades your space and shouts you down and maybe build up a harassment case? Is there anything about behaviour or use of space in your tenancy agreement?
People with really severe autism sometimes need carers, perhaps you could look into what your local autism services provide? Or if they could give you any advice on managing her behaviour.
I mean maybe you could try another route and befriend her, and try to get in her head and understand what makes her uncomfortable and talk to her about why it does and see if you can alter her perception. As for your periods, if she asks about them just tell her that it's private, and that most people have boundaries and do not discuss such topics. I feel like at this point you almost have to treat her like a child, as from the sound of it she isn't particularly high functioning.
If you find you can't change the situation or leave then maybe you can come up with some strategies to survive the year. Joining a gym is useful because then you can have uninterrupted showering time - my uncle's plumbing has broken so he just showers at the gym lol. You could get a mini fridge and keep it locked in your room, maybe even a cheap microwave and keep to your own space. Maybe invest in some ear-protectors so that when she has a tantrum you can just block it out? It's not great, but if there is no alternative there are things you could do to help yourself cope with the situation.
I mean, most autistic people do have some degree of awareness about their behaviour, but it could be the case that she genuinely has really severe autism, in which case she probably shouldn't be living independently as she's possibly a risk to herself / others.
You could also try talking to your uni's student wellbeing people? (If you have some equivalent?) See if they know any help lines to get hold of someone to help manage her? Or even if they can find a loophole in the tenancy agreement to let you leave?

She doesn't sound psychotic at all, more just like a massive *****

I like your style! I can absolutely confirm she's a massive *****, I'm not allowed to have frozen food anymore apparently! But I just signed a one bedroom studio apartment - it starts in June, but it's the same landlord that I'm currently renting with. They now understand the situation so they're going to try and move me into it in January! Hopefully!

I don't have any advice (really sorry for that - apologies I can't be of any help) but after reading this I felt the need to reply anyway. The fact she has autism has nothing to do with anything; there's a difference between being excused for having a disability and being a total *****. I'm nearly 17 and autistic myself, but I'm not excusing her for her behaviours. Having autism doesn't give you an excuse to treat other people like total crap. I don't know what part of the spectrum she's on but by the sounds of it, she needs a carer (like a few others have said) and shouldn't be living independently. She seems to have no empathy for how you feel (this is apparently an autism trait but let me tell you this is a false belief as autists actually have more empathy than others). She sounds like an absolute nightmare and I don't blame you for feeling the way you do. Like I said, autism or not, it's not an excuse to treat people like crap at the bottom of your shoe...this is coming from an autist, as I've mentioned. The only thing her autism excuses her from is her difficulties with socialisation...but by the sounds of it, she has much more than that. Autism does not excuse her from her filthy attitude. I hope you're able to move out of there ASAP. Is there any way you could possibly warn the two new girls who have signed about what they're letting themselves in for?

I like your style! I can absolutely confirm she's a massive *****, I'm not allowed to have frozen food anymore apparently! But I just signed a one bedroom studio apartment - it starts in June, but it's the same landlord that I'm currently renting with. They now understand the situation so they're going to try and move me into it in January! Hopefully!

I know I shouldn’t, but I’d feel bad taking legal action against her. I know I should. It’s just...I befriended her and Elliot in first year and we were all really close. Honestly, I had idea this was what these people were really like. I guess the saying where you don’t know someone until you live with them is completely right!

I have my first therapy appointment for this situation myself next week - I suffer from Dyspraxia myself so I probably don’t handle things as well as I should, despite me trying to research and do what I can. But it’s mainly on the mild range for learning - my Dyspraxia is more focused on my ability to stay upright, motor control and things like that! There are some parts of my thought and memory, along with emotions, but with me I’n Just clumsy! Haha!

It is literally like treating her like a child at this point. The way I compare it is...just keep telling a toddler no and hope they’ll understand eventually. There’s no point trying to explain that what she’s doing is wrong, just say no enough times! But I won’t discuss my periods or anything else with her at this point. I just hide in my room with the door locked!

I really do think that while Elliot acts like a child, he can look after himself. But I totally agree with you that Angelia (also slipped on the fake names there!) is a risk to me. She just can’t control her emotions properly and has these explosive blow ups when I don’t bend to how she wants. I just think that having the house to herself and her running it how she wanted all summer just...got into her head, but she absolutely should not be living with other people. I feel sorry for the two girls that have been signed on the contract to replace myself and Link.

I did send an SOS to my personal tutor. He sent a email back saying he was “on it” - I got another reply just now saying he’s opened an emergency case with the University to get me out of here, my hamster included! I’d feel bad leaving Link here - I’ve offered him to stay with me if I do get moved - but my tutor was extremely concerned for my safety around this girl. My family are also trying to come up (I’m from Bristol area and going to University....let’s say.... 3 hours north of there, capital city ) so its difficult for me to go home or then to come to me if I’m in trouble. I just feel so bad, as a almost 21 year old I should be able to handle it myself, right..? But I think this is too big to handle alone now. I’m really hoping University pull through with this.

Any ideas on how I could make this easier for myself? I’m generally frightened on what she might do if she catches wind im trying to make a bolt. I also thank you for being so patient and lovely with me while I’ve ranted away! Been feeling so alone about this ever since I’ve moved in.