Okay, so in the process of explaining this, I went off on a huge tangent. It’s pretty complicated and I don’t fully understand it myself, even as a trans person. It isn’t as though a gender fairy confirms your suspicions any day—it’s just a personal and professional thumbs up, and at the start you just go on hoping you’ve got it figured. Trust me though, no one I have known personally to have “thought” they were transgender have gone any further than cutting their hair, and trying out a new name and pronouns, before realising they were wrong.
Anyway, gender dysphoria is essentially an immense sense of detestation or lack of comfort towards features that you associate with your biological sex or the notion of it. By notion, I mean, I would come over with a disorienting level of disassociation just at the idea of being a “woman” one day. I couldn’t actually picture a future for myself as a woman. As a man? Absolutely. I had plenty ideas of what I would be as a man, from a very young age too, but a woman? Nothing. I was just living every day out as a girl because I had to; and, when I was less aware of what was wrong, that idea alone (of being a woman in the future) drove me to try and end myself a few times.
I’ve always described the sensation of my gender dysphoria as what you feel when you step off the stairs and suddenly get that shock as though you’ve missed a step. Like, literally, that is representative of the feeling I get when I am uncomfortable with my sexual features/sexual appearance—on repeat, for hours or days or weeks at a time. Either that, or severe paranoia.
But some people are affected more than others, and gender dysphoria can describe both dissatisfaction with your gender as a whole or specific sex-identifying features. While it varies for everyone, there needs to be some level of dysphoria for someone to be trans (I’m sorry to anyone who is trans and doesn’t believe this—I won’t argue over it but this is my opinion). Again, I refer to myself as an example: feeling girly, my hips, feminine shaped face and feminine figure are my main subjects of dysphoria. These are long term problems and, while HRT has helped immensely, I still have to work very hard to alleviate the bad feelings I get from carrying those features. Meanwhile, a friend of mine is still left dysphoric by their chest, height and overall sexual femininity (anything that outwardly makes them identifiable as female).
Furthermore, like previously insinuated, gender dysphoria carries with it a great deal of fear towards the future throughout a person’s life. Most trans people can identify vivid memories from childhood, around issues both present and foreseen at the time. They were not natural anxieties. It isn’t general uncertainty towards whether or not I would be attractive as a teenager, or whether I would hit puberty at the same time as everyone else; it was crippling jealousy towards people (males... I literally hated all men because I was so furious I couldn’t be them lmao) who were developing into something I longed to embody, and incapacitating dread towards the idea of developing a chest, or how tall I would be, or if my hips were going to be really broad, or whether I would be one of the unlucky few to start periods early (not just because of the unpleasantness of it, just because it acted as a confirmation of your sex and as a reaffirming experience of a gender you do not feel at ease with).
Now, I am quite conservative and biological with my views towards transgender people, so don’t take what I say as the right word because if you say it to the wrong person they’ll likely flip their lid:
I can change my gender but NOT my sex. I can change how I look, and feel at ease knowing no one will ever see me out in public and think “that’s a woman”. All I want is respect from others to refer to me with he/him pronouns, and understand I wish to be seen and known as a man. Like I say, it isn’t like you could spot me on the street or at work as a trans guy; I am completely and 100% stealth at this point in my life.
However, you can call me female (not literally—it would probably be pretty irrelevant to blurt out at any time) because you are correct, and it is important for it to be recognised. I am still female, that doesn’t change: I am still more at risk of certain illnesses/diseases because of my sex (as are trans woman as males), I still have certain physical disadvantages because of my sex, I still have my original sexual organs and they must be looked after, and so on.
Why is it worth letting and accepting a trans person doing what they need to do though, even if you don’t understand it? Because right now, transition is all we have to sort ourselves out. Previous to HRT, my life was crumbling. My problems had been persistent since the age of 6 and only got worse with age. Repressed feelings rolled out into psychosis, anxiety, disassociation, panic attacks, severe (and once deemed chronic) manic depression, a ruined education, wasted teenage years and anti-social behaviour—and I was just left battling with the concept of life and death every day. You know, when you hate everything about yourself, because for some reason your head is rejecting your sex and assigned gender, suicide frequently feels like a good way out of it. When I look back at that past though, that was little under three years ago, and see where I am now... you would barely connect my pre-transition self to my current self. We are completely different people, and when you get to witness the benefits of the only real treatment we have firsthand, it is very evident it is the right thing for a trans person. I mean, everyone can have their own opinion, but I would probably have turned to drugs, been institutionalised, imprisoned or dead by now if I didn’t have the support from my parents. If you would have preferred that for myself, that’s chill. At least think hard about it though.
Personally, I would hit up every scientist to identify the issue (a gene or something, just find it) and then pull together a cure for gender dysphoria. Did I want to have to transition? Nah. Do I want this tedious task of constantly checking up on my health for the sake of being happier? Nah. Did I enjoy growing up my first 16 years with every conscious moment being memorably miserable? Nah. Do I want other trans people to go through life feeling totally crap? Nah. Would I have preferred some drug that could have allowed me to be happy as a woman and never have to deal with this shite? Yeah boi.
So yeah, like I say, this spiralled off into a huge tangent, but hopefully something in there will be useful. Just feel lucky you don’t understand gender dysphoria because it probably means you have never had it and it’s **** and you don’t wanna.