advice - can you be gay for one girl but be straight the rest of the time

i’m straight(female) but i have a weird relationship with one of my friends who’s bi (also female) where we sometimes ‘cuddle’ in bed fully clothed and all but it’s quite passionate and we do a lot of stroking each other and moving our body parts over one another. i know she likes me because she’s told me and she went in for a pull the other day but i refused because i didn’t think it was a good idea. i think i like her and i’m quite arroused when i’m with her but i don’t like any other girls. i also get really jealous when she speaks to other people. is it possible to be gay for just one person??

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1

Clez

Original post by Anonymous

Hi,

There is nothing you have put which suggests you are heterosexual. If you were then you would be repulsed by the idea of what you described and you would not do it.

If you're into girls and guys, irrespective of how many, whether its 1 girl and 100 guys or 100 girls and 1 guy - you are bisexual - attraction to both men and women.

A lot of people are bisexual but identify as something else based on ease, preference and personal confidence. Other people do. It's entirely up to you.

Congrats and good day.

Reply 2

Stiff Little Fingers

Course it is. Liking one girl doesn't mean you have to like more, or that you can't massively prefer blokes. People can argue whether that should be termed bisexual but frankly the only one who can label their sexuality is yourself

Reply 3

chocochip_

‘the only one who can label your sexuality is yourself’ THIS

Reply 4

username3480226

Original post by Anonymous

Yeah probably but don't stress out on the labels, shouldn't matter,

Reply 5

username3585844

Original post by Anonymous

You're not straight if you get sexually aroused by her. You're bisexual, just like her. If you like her then there's nothing stopping you two hitting it off.

Reply 6

Anonymous #2

You’re definitely bisexual

Reply 7

Anonymous #3

You’re not bisexual if you’re just aroused by her. You’re bisexual if you’re aroused by men and women, in a pluaral sense not singular.

I was just reading an article about it earlier.. it’s completely normal and yes you can be straight but have one off gay feelings. I believe people are actually 100% straight are the minorities tbh. Most will just say they are and act replused by gay stuff but only because they feel they have to, not because they genuinely feel that way.

Reply 8

charlie.jo2002

Original post by Anonymous

i think u too r bisexual

Reply 9

Clez

Original post by Stiff Little Fingers

Wow. Open bi-erasure from a support team member! Welcome to inclusive society!

No - having any amount of attraction to both men and women = bisexual

That's not arguing about it - that is what it means.

Of course people can label their own sexuality based on their preference, but preference is not the same as sexuality.

Reply 10

Clez

Original post by Anonymous

You’re not bisexual if you’re just aroused by her. You’re bisexual if you’re aroused by men and women, in a pluaral sense not singular.

So if you have sex with 1 man and 1 woman then what does that make you?

Reply 11

Anonymous #3

Original post by Clez

So if you have sex with 1 man and 1 woman then what does that make you?

I meant attraction. I could be attracted to just guys but force myself to have sex with a woman, what does that make me?

It’s the thought that counts! It’s possible to form a bond with one person and do stuff you wouldn’t with anyone else

Reply 12

Clez

Original post by Anonymous

Attraction is the same thing as sex. You could be celibate your entire life but still be heterosexual, bisexual or homosexual. What about the Pope!?

If you were just attracted to men then you wouldn't be able to have sex with a woman because you wouldn't be aroused - Nobody would do that in practice or theory. Anyone who claims to is lying about being bisexual - which is common, given the prominence of homosexual culture, social perceptive of heterosexual normality and bisexual erasure and cultural negativity.

Reply 13

Napp

I think the termis bi.

Reply 14

rinofthemill

well, you can't really be straight if you think you're gay for anyone 😉
I know some girls do have super close friendships were cuddling and stroking each other is normal but if it's arousing you then that's something else.
I would say you are probably bisexual. you can still have a preference for men, you might also be demisexual? (only being attracted to people you already have a close bond with eg friends) or maybe you like more girls than you realise and just didn't think about it because you thought you were straight 😉
honestly though, the label isn't important 🙂 to me what seems to be important is this girl likes you, and she turns you on and makes you jealous so I think you like her too? could always see where it goes 😊

Reply 15

Huw M Thomas

It's called lust and many people fall into its trap. It devours the soul and leaves a person disgusted with their actions.

Reply 16

FriendlyPenguin

Edit: Sorry, wrong thread

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 17

Anonymous #3

Original post by Clez

You just said it yourself, actions or lack of actions don’t necessarily define your sexuality - the pope hasn’t had sex yet you define him as hetro, following the logic of your previous post he would be asexual.

I think sexuality is fluid, especially for women and there’s evidence to back that up but I think it changes with time and people, sometimes you can have gay feelings for one person and never again.

If it were a scale, not many people would be purely hetro. I think it’s fair to say someone who is bisexual will have reoccurring feelings for both sexes not just the one off.

Reply 18

Stiff Little Fingers

Original post by Clez

By that metric I'd be shocked to find many non-bi people - I mean, I'm interested in women but I can appreciate when a bloke looks good, who can't? That doesn't make me bi though.

You can argue is any amount of attraction bi, are they demi, any other label you want: it's irrelevant, you decide what box you want to go in. If the OP considers herself straight but likes a single girl, she's still straight - thats her call to make.

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 19

Clez

Original post by Stiff Little Fingers

By that metric I'd be shocked to find many non-bi people - I mean, I'm interested in women but I can appreciate when a bloke looks good, who can't? That doesn't make me bi though.

Do you appreciate when all men look good - or just the straw man in your attempt to backtrack your previous callous post?

Appreciation is completely different to sexual attraction, which is the topic of the thread, and nowhere is "appreciation" mentioned (ie visual/complements).

You've also somehow made a self-refuting fallacy there by saying you'd be shocked to find many non-bi people whilst stating that you yourself are one. Congratulations.

It may well be so that there are more bisexual people than non-bisexual people, since sexuality is a spectrum (eg The Kinsey Scale). If exclusively heterosexual people are at 0 and exclusively homosexual are at 6 (of which there are many many people at each end) then everything that falls between those two points is bisexual.

People may admit to being bisexual or they may be forced to either stay closeted or come out as gay or switch between the two over time, largely because of ignorant dismissal and erasure of bisexuality in posts such as yours.

Bisexual erasure and discrimination is one of the final bastions of anti-PC bigotry in society, both from the heterosexual and gay communities. You may feel it is acceptable to be this dismissive, but it is not, it is biphobic ;and I both find it offensive and will happily confront anyone who attempts to pursue it.