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Cooking really isn't that time consuming. Sure, I didn't really want to come home from uni at 7pm and have to cook, having been out since 9am. But it doesn't really take that long.
Reply 41
Original post by DrawTheLine
You're right, I don't know your relationship with your mother. However, it's a good thing if you can adapt to change. People change, values change. Accept it.

Highly unlikely, but you could become seriously injured and unable to do all the things you want to do. It's a good thing to think about, before you get so far in expecting things from people that you become ungrateful like you have done.

Okay, seeing as you know me so well, tell me what my background is. Please, tell me exactly what makes my background unideal, specifically, seeing as you know me so well. Please tell me exactly what it is about my life, my family etc. that is disadvantaged. I await your response, expecting eery accuracy.

I like change only when it's for better.

Are you suggesting that I live in anxiety because I might have an accident? I'm not going to ruin my present life by speculating about possible tragedies. If I can't work then I certainly can't clean. I'd even have time to write a book and do some serious reading. Death isn't a concern. I could lose my sight but then I'd probably suicide, which is alright. I could be disowned, that would hurt. But again unlikely and it's unproductive to worry.

You assumed a lot about me, I allowed myself to assume you are not very familiar with upper-middle class values.
Original post by usualsuspects
I like change only when it's for better.

Are you suggesting that I live in anxiety because I might have an accident? I'm not going to ruin my present life by speculating about possible tragedies. If I can't work then I certainly can't clean. I'd even have time to write a book and do some serious reading. Death isn't a concern. I could lose my sight but then I'd probably suicide, which is alright. I could be disowned, that would hurt. But again unlikely and it's unproductive to worry.

You assumed a lot about me, I allowed myself to assume you are not very familiar with upper-middle class values.


No, I'm not suggesting that. I'm just saying maybe stop feeling so entitled because at any moment we could lose everything we have and have to start from the bottom.

You didn't tell me what my background was and why it is unideal and disadvantaged. I'm still waiting for you to tell me about my background, seeing as you assume it's unideal and know all about me. Go ahead.
Reply 43
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Original post by cabinalbum
Jesus christ. Actually the most arrogant rich kid i have ever encountered.
The fact that you honestly don't see how lucky you are that your parents have a spare £200 to waste on presents for your ungrateful soul is laughable. There's nothing wrong with having money, but there's everything wrong with taking it for granted.
I'm lucky if my parents can spare me a fiver to get a haircut. You're whinging because your mum wants a gift in return for raising you for 20 years. Is it really that hard to buy her a £20 scented candle? Or a new dressing gown? Or tickets to a local theatre show?
You need to grow up and learn perspective. If you can't afford to buy her a present, or she's being unreasonable (she's not) then that's okay. But in this case you're just ungrateful.


They can spare money for you to dye your hair with silly colours though.

I'm not arrogant. I know I'm lucky. We have a lot of scented candles and she wouldn't appreciate such a "cheap" present, unfortunately. Dressing gowns are awfully expensive. I can afford a present. She is slightly unreasonable. Fine, that's your opinion, thank you for answering. I always get her presents, I just had a feeling it was wrong for her to expect them, probably I'm upset because she hasn't worried about contributing to my maintenance after leaving school, but I see your point and I wouldn't have made a thread if I wasn't interested in hearing your opinions and open to changing my mind. I'm only defensive because I'm being attacked.
Reply 44
Original post by DrawTheLine
No, I'm not suggesting that. I'm just saying maybe stop feeling so entitled because at any moment we could lose everything we have and have to start from the bottom.

You didn't tell me what my background was and why it is unideal and disadvantaged. I'm still waiting for you to tell me about my background, seeing as you assume it's unideal and know all about me. Go ahead.


Because is has resulted in values that differ from his, presumably.
Reply 45
Original post by DrawTheLine
No, I'm not suggesting that. I'm just saying maybe stop feeling so entitled because at any moment we could lose everything we have and have to start from the bottom.

You didn't tell me what my background was and why it is unideal and disadvantaged. I'm still waiting for you to tell me about my background, seeing as you assume it's unideal and know all about me. Go ahead.


Someone whose parents aren't contributing towards maintenance at uni doesn't come from an ideal background. Or has rich egotistic parents (still unideal). I do not know you or your exact background and couldn't care. If you were born in another family with other values maybe you'd be less aggressive towards me.
(edited 6 years ago)
Reply 46
Original post by usualsuspects
I'm a 20 years old undergraduate. It feels wrong to me that she expects presents from her child, at this age, especially given that after I've turned 18 hers haven't been particularly special (usually worth a couple of hundreds) and this is basically all she contributes to my finances.

Furthermore, it's unpleasant to give her presents because she is ungrateful and usually unsatisfied with my gifts. This is why I'd rather avoid it.

You don't have to spend loads of money to get a gift. And you honestly shouldn't expect to get something that's even as expensive as she gets you. But at least get her some chocolate and a card, she's your mother, of course you should get her a gift.
Reply 47
Original post by Devify
You don't have to spend loads of money to get a gift. And you honestly shouldn't expect to get something that's even as expensive as she gets you. But at least get her some chocolate and a card, she's your mother, of course you should get her a gift.


I always do.
Original post by usualsuspects
Someone whose parents aren't contributing to maintenance at uni doesn't come from an ideal background. Or has rich egotistic parents (still unideal). I do not know you or your exact background and couldn't care. If you were born in another family with other values maybe you'd be less aggressive towards me.


Maybe don't comment saying my background is unideal or disadvantaged if you don't actually know.

I'm not being aggressive towards you, I'm simply trying to make you realise how arrogant and ungrateful and entitled you are. No, it isn't good to be entitled because it makes you come across as a very unpleasant person. You don't realise what you have, because you're so expectant of people to hand you things that you need to work for. Yes, you were born into a wealthy family, but money doesn't last forever. It worries me how much you look down on people who do the "time-wasting" jobs like cooking and cleaning. Little do you know, you potentially could end up having to do those jobs in order to get by if things don't go to plan. Everyone likes to think they'll have a high-paid job with staff to do the dirty work for them and living the high life, sometimes it doesn't go to plan. If that happens to you, and hopefully it doesn't, it'll come as a great big shock because of your attitude now.

You say I don't understand your values, well you sure as hell don't understand mine. Works both ways.
I think you should want to give her gifts after all shes done for you!
(unless shes an abusive mother, then **** her)
Original post by usualsuspects
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They can spare money for you to dye your hair with silly colours though.

I'm not arrogant. I know I'm lucky. We have a lot of scented candles and she wouldn't appreciate such a "cheap" present, unfortunately. Dressing gowns are awfully expensive. I can afford a present. She is slightly unreasonable. Fine, that's your opinion, thank you for answering. I always get her presents, I just had a feeling it was wrong for her to expect them, probably I'm upset because she hasn't worried about contributing to my maintenance after leaving school, but I see your point and I wouldn't have made a thread if I wasn't interested in hearing your opinions and open to changing my mind. I'm only defensive because I'm being attacked.


I have no idea where you're shopping; but dressing gowns aren't that expensive.
Thank you! I'm the same. My parents have done so much for me over the years and have given up so much too. My dad used to put money away in savings for me, but when I got a job (that I didn't need but I wanted) he stopped because I was earning my own money, learning the value of it. Now I'm at university, I use my student loan and my pay from my job to fund me. I feel really guilty asking my parents for anything, because I know I'm an adult and should be able to do it myself. Sure, my dad is there if I need him but I prefer to rely on myself for things I want.
I have just returned from a four day trip to Alicante, a Christmas present from my eldest daughter. The present is typical of the gifts I receive from both of my daughters, and we are a normal, loving family. Granted, when they were studying the presents were much smaller, but they were given with love, which is the important thing here.

However, frankly, if you were my son, I think I'd be hiring a hitman to rid myself of a soul-less parasite. Your mother deserves better, but you do not appear to know what unconditional love is! I suggest you contact the Student Loans Company if you need money!
Reply 53
Original post by DrawTheLine
Maybe don't comment saying my background is unideal or disadvantaged if you don't actually know.

I'm not being aggressive towards you, I'm simply trying to make you realise how arrogant and ungrateful and entitled you are. No, it isn't good to be entitled because it makes you come across as a very unpleasant person. You don't realise what you have, because you're so expectant of people to hand you things that you need to work for. Yes, you were born into a wealthy family, but money doesn't last forever. It worries me how much you look down on people who do the "time-wasting" jobs like cooking and cleaning. Little do you know, you potentially could end up having to do those jobs in order to get by if things don't go to plan. Everyone likes to think they'll have a high-paid job with staff to do the dirty work for them and living the high life, sometimes it doesn't go to plan. If that happens to you, and hopefully it doesn't, it'll come as a great big shock because of your attitude now.

You say I don't understand your values, well you sure as hell don't understand mine. Works both ways.

I'm only entitled, not arrogant and ungrateful. I might be unpleasant to someone trying to do class warfare, but I'm a liberal and offline I don't get much hate at all. If I thought money lasted forever I wouldn't worry about getting a job. My parents, grandparents and great-grandparents have done enough damage to our finances, history has done the rest, I know I'll have to work to pay for the lifestyle I'm used to. I don't look down on people. Worst case I'll sell a house, really I can't end up cleaning for a living. And I'm not going to bother thinking about what I'd do if it did tragically happen. People like me don't feel so financially insecure or at the mercy of fortune. Fortune blinds those it favours. But we haven't been particularly lucky in the last century and certainly not successful, so my confidence doesn't come from hubris. Thank you for saying tragedy won't hopefully hit me, I appreciate it when the discussion remains civil.

I understand yours and I have not attacked you for holding those beliefs.
Original post by usualsuspects
I'm only entitled, not arrogant and ungrateful. I might be unpleasant to someone trying to do class warfare, but I'm a liberal and offline I don't get much hate at all. If I thought money lasted forever I wouldn't worry about getting a job. My parents, grandparents and great-grandparents have done enough damage to our finances, history has done the rest, I know I'll have to work to pay for the lifestyle I'm used to. I don't look down on people. Worst case I'll sell a house, really I can't end up cleaning for a living. And I'm not going to bother thinking about what I'd do if it did tragically happen. People like me don't feel so financially insecure or at the mercy of fortune. Fortune blinds those it favours. But we haven't been particularly lucky in the last century and certainly not successful, so my confidence doesn't come from hubris. Thank you for saying tragedy won't hopefully hit me, I appreciate it when the discussion remains civil.

I understand yours and I have not attacked you for holding those beliefs.


Of course I won't wish tragedy on you. As much as you've ruffled my feathers you're still a person and no-one deserves life-changing injuries.

If you understood my values, you wouldn't have had the attitude you previously displayed towards your mother. Please, re-read what you've written and think about changing.
Reply 55
Be less judgemental, please.

I believe parents who can afford it should support their children. How is this wrong? I'll give my children an allowance or a trust fund so that they don't need to work while at university, I'm free to do it and it's nothing that strange. My family does the same for me (not my mother specifically). Even student finance is based on the idea that parents with means can support their children while others need the state to grant or lend money to attend university.

Your father seems to share my view on gifts.
Reply 56
Original post by Megajules
I have just returned from a four day trip to Alicante, a Christmas present from my eldest daughter. The present is typical of the gifts I receive from both of my daughters, and we are a normal, loving family. Granted, when they were studying the presents were much smaller, but they were given with love, which is the important thing here.

However, frankly, if you were my son, I think I'd be hiring a hitman to rid myself of a soul-less parasite. Your mother deserves better, but you do not appear to know what unconditional love is! I suggest you contact the Student Loans Company if you need money!

That is excessive and you wouldn't express yourself in such manner off the internet.

You don't even know my mother's faults, and these aren't the point. I was just asking if it's generally normal for parents to expect (quite expensive) gifts for Christmas and birthdays. I asked because, although I've always given her presents, I had a feeling it was wrong, given she is not doing much to support me at the moment, which I believe she should to a degree consider her responsibility as a parent, as my father does, as my grandparents did with her, and as I'll do with my children. I don't need money, and I certainly don't want debt.

If you think I deserve death for this, you are an intolerant idiot.
Reply 57
Original post by DrawTheLine
Thank you! I'm the same. My parents have done so much for me over the years and have given up so much too. My dad used to put money away in savings for me, but when I got a job (that I didn't need but I wanted) he stopped because I was earning my own money, learning the value of it. Now I'm at university, I use my student loan and my pay from my job to fund me. I feel really guilty asking my parents for anything, because I know I'm an adult and should be able to do it myself. Sure, my dad is there if I need him but I prefer to rely on myself for things I want.


I think that's madness since I believe in family money. This may be because of the way things work in my family.
What's so bad about spending money which you haven't earned personally? I spend about £3k/month (conservative estimate), excluding fees and a couple other things, and don't feel sorry at all.
Original post by usualsuspects
I don't owe her presents as much as she "doesn't owe me financial support".


You don't owe presents but only a very selfish person wouldn't WANT to give them
Reply 59
Original post by doodle_333
You don't owe presents but only a very selfish person wouldn't WANT to give them


A very selfish person wouldn't feel responsible for supporting their child at university

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