Is it normal for my mother to expect birthday and Christmas presents?

I think that's madness since I believe in family money. This may be because of the way things work in my family.
What's so bad about spending money which you haven't earned personally? I spend about £3k/month (conservative estimate), excluding fees and a couple other things, and don't feel sorry at all.

She usually gives cash or buys me something I like, that's not a problem.

Can't cook. Cleaning is a bit absurd at my age. Taking her out is a good idea, but potentially disastrous because being coeliac, hypochondriacal and chronically unsatisfied she'd probably claim she was poisoned by "gluten contamination" and reproach me for making her sick as a birthday present.

Family values? Her parents did it for her, I'll do it for my children. She has lived off her parents her entire life, I'm more responsible and plan to work. I don't need money. Why are people assuming things? I'm perfectly financed by my other grandparents' fund and don't need a job while I'm at university. She has no feel I "sponge off" of her (obviously, as she gives me nothing as I said), quite the contrary.

That is excessive and you wouldn't express yourself in such manner off the internet.

Exactly my point. You have no value of money. You don't know what it's worth. My family will give me money if I need it. But you don't understand that someone has worked for that money. You treat it as something you are owed and entitled to and you expect it. If you ever find yourself in a tricky financial situation you will struggle so much because you don't know the value of money. My dad's money is not mine because he works 40-50 hours a week earning it. It is not right for me to spend it.

Cooking & Cleaning really isn't that difficult, haha :P They're life skills you really need to learn. You don't have to just take her to a restaurant, just try and look along those lines and think outside the box.
People are making assumptions, not because of the question you ask, but because your first and subsequent posts state how you feel it's unfair to spend money on her for christmas/birthday yet she spends hundreds on your birthday... And that you feel it's justified because she doesn't give you any extra financial support which: A - She's not even obligated to give, and B - That you've just confirmed you don't even need? Don't you realise how absurd that sounds?
Your life and all, but I'm just saying you shouldn't be so sure that you'll always be rich and always have money. It's dangerous to have that 'I don't need to do this cause money.' attitude. When I was younger my family was fairly well off, some might even say rich. Things happened and ever since my parents have been struggling financially. It was just a click of the finger that things spiraled out of control just like that, yet you think you're immune from such issues which is a dangerous attitude to have.

Oh I absolutely would! I always treat excess with excess!


I don't need to know any of the above to answer the question you posed. Yes it is normal. Giving gifts is an expression of the love you feel for someone. Furthermore your original question did not state that your mother expected expensive gifts, nor what you mean by expensive given that you think a couple of hundred is loose change, or how you came to deduce that this is what your mother expected.


You clearly obviously do if you are quibbling about buying your mother gifts.

There's only one idiot on this thread, and it isn't me.

I'm a 20 years old undergraduate. It feels wrong to me that she expects presents from her child, at this age, especially given that after I've turned 18 hers haven't been particularly special (usually worth a couple of hundreds) and this is basically all she contributes to my finances.

Furthermore, it's unpleasant to give her presents because she is ungrateful and usually unsatisfied with my gifts. This is why I'd rather avoid it.

EDIT for judgemental haters: I have always bought relatively expensive gifts for my mother, only recently I had a feeling it was wrong for her to expect it given she doesn't help me with uni costs at all. I know I am privileged and I appreciate I have been lucky to be born in my family (it could have gone much better, but I had a 99% chance of being poorer).

It's not a matter of not having money to buy her a present, but of whether it is appropriate for her, who shamefully contributes nothing to my finances, which are totally dependent on family money (that of my father's side of the family, they are divorced), to expect me to buy her gifts.

The idiot is the one who calls for assassinations instead of having a civil discussion.

A very selfish person wouldn't feel responsible for supporting their child at university

People in this thread are talking absolute *******s, don't understand what planet everyone is one

My two pence:
A gift is a gift, if someone doesn't like their gift they can **** off and you'll save money in the future. Absolutely its nice to splash a couple of quid here and there to put a smile on peoples faces and it makes it all the more worthwhile if they receive it with a smile and gratitude. It's not ''"'selfish'"'' to not give a gift in return to receiving one, thats called a covert contract and if people are doing nice things for you with the expectation of getting something big in return then that's their problem. And for the people going on about how you should be eternally grateful to your parents bringing you up, it's your parents *job* to clothe and feed and raise you, why the **** else would you bring a child into this world if you wernt capable of that, they didn't ask to be born!!

As a side note some people like receiving gifts as their love language but that absolutely does not mean that expensive and lavish gifts are required.

Also I too would be pissed as **** if all my parents contributed to my student life, whilst i was still unable to work, was a few useless gifts worth a couple of hundred

I wouldn't take the advice of people on this thread, seems like there are major ideological differences and they dont share the same values so of course your viewpoint will be alien to them

I think in a family is usually a reasonable assumption that they will get eachother gifts for Christmas or other meaningful celebrations. What's not so appropriate is expecting a certain quality of gift or being ungreatful of at least the thought behind it.
You're a student and that tends to mean not so much money so something small but thought about would be perfectly reasonable. If she is ungreatful for that then tough titties to her. But if it's you feeling you shouldn't have to get her a gift at all that's a bit mean.
Different families have different ways of working, but on the whole I think immediate family should get eachother some form of gift. That's reasonable to expect, but it's not reasonable to expect the perfect gift unless you accept you might need to help with it (either with cost or just making it clear what you want). You shouldn't be expected to provide a gift that is out of your budget or means to get.

So really how appropriate this all is depends on what the expectation is and how both of you treat the situation.

Also I too would be pissed as **** if all my parents contributed to my student life, whilst i was still unable to work, was a few useless gifts worth a couple of hundred

You get student finance. Unless your mum is living the high life while you starve and eat plain rice for dinner you should be looking after yourself.

I have ample resources from the other side of the family. She is living very well considering she doesn't work.

The problem is that she knows I could easily spend hundreds without worrying. However, it's not money I keep earning, but a fund that exists for my life and education expenses and which is unfortunately not infinite. Furthermore, the money was put by my other grandparents and divorced father (they hate each other). Legally mine, but still... As a teen, when I lived with her, I spent about £150. But now I have at times bought her something less expensive (but more special, from boutiques that exist in one or a few cities in the world) and she told me she was expecting another thing and then went on saying I don't get her nice gifts. If she was more grateful it would be a pleasure to get her gifts, but her behaviour makes me question whether her expectations are fair.