Ashamed

it's only a test dude...

In life, you cannot expect to succeed at everything you put your mind to. So just as you must work hard to try and succeed, you should also create approaches on how to deal with failure better.

If you are overly defeatist, then instead of helping yourself to analyze the situation so that you can do better next time etc, you simply knock yourself completely down to the ground (taking a lot of time to recover before you can even begin to properly apply yourself again). This is not healthy (and you will struggle far more than you could/should because you are constantly catastrophizing every situation in a very self-defeatist manner).

So you need to create a healthier mental approach to not succeeding 1st time round every time. For example;

1. "all of my hard work was just thrown into the trash"- Rubbish! Don't be ridiculous. Did failing the test cause total amnesia? No? Then you have still learned an immense amount!

The amount you have learned have not been enough to pass the test first time round, but you have still learned a great deal (and have come a long way despite your test result failure!). Test's can absolutely be retaken, and if you identify where you went wrong in the last one, then it will take only a little study/effort to pass the next test.

2. Without weakness there can be no strength. You have actually survived this- you are a stronger person than you think!

Going back into the classroom may be difficult, but every time you challenge your anxiety, you're winning the battle against (bit by bit). Positive thoughts may be hard to grasp onto and hold right now, but you need to see thinking positively it as fighting for your own happiness (and winning the battle against your depression). (You may not realize it), but you are actually stronger than a lot of other people (for they are not having to deal with problems like yours).

3. Take practical proactive steps in battling anxiety attacks. For example:

A. When you start to feel very anxious, practice these breathing techniques (they are very tried and tested stuff that works for anxiety problems): https://www.anxieties.com/57/panic-step4#.WnmxenzLjIU

B. Write down your worries in a notebook- get your worries out of your system. Set a specific time and place to focus on your worries.

C. Take up sport- it is scientifically proven to be very good for mental health.

D. Give yourself a relaxing treat each day- focus on having 1 hour of "you" time each evening. Run a hot steamy bath, drop a bath bomb in it and have a good soak. Do some meditation or yoga. Go for a general walk in some fresh air at the park. Because if you slave-drive yourself too much, your mental & physical health will suffer, you won't be able to relax and re-charge properly and you won't be able to perform at your best.
Remember that even professional athletes take time off!

Wow! This was some good stuff, you're absolutely right! Thank you so much for this! Have a nice day.

I worked so hard on the test and I failed, and I have depressions and anxiety so this makes it even worse. I cried when my teacher took the test in. I ran from school too. I feel so ashamed of my actions, all of my hard work was just thrown into the trash.

Other people saw my tears and sadness, I feel like an idiot.

I am 20 years old, I feel like a loser.
I don't dare to go back.